Guy: Dude, you want to see my balls?
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: I just shaved my balls.
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: Dude, just touch my balls. They’re smooth, just touch them with your elbow.
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: Ew! Dude, you just touched my balls with your elbow!
–Fordham University
Older dude: We know you want to do a 14-year-old boy.
Younger dude: [Smiles uncertainly, speechless.]Older dude, a few minutes later: I’m not saying you would like to do a 14-year-old boy…
Younger dude: Thank you.
Older dude: I would like to do a 14-year-old boy.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Anthony
Guy: I can’t believe they used an Indian family for that commercial. For the love of God, their last name was Kumar-swami!
Queer: What kind of name is that? They definitely should have used a white family.
Guy: It was a Verizon commercial, for Christ’s sake. If you want to get racy, use a black family. But Kumar-swami — that is just too much!
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Bostonian Girl: I need to get clothes for the city.
Bostonian Guy: What’s wrong with what you have?
Bostonian Girl: Are you kidding? We’re in New York City, you can’t wear North Face in NYC. They’ll be able to tell we’re New Englanders from a mile away.
–Fordham University
Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!
–1 train
Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…
–1 train
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!
–18th & Park
Overheard by: edward
Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!
–Wooster & Broome
Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.
–23rd & 6th
Girl #1: I’m scared that I’m going to wake up one morning and be a lesbian.
Girl #2: Jesus, we’re in public.
–Rose Hill, Fordham University
Guy: Are you going to the gym after this?
Girl: Are you going to the mean house?
Guy: That was, without a doubt, the lamest comeback I have ever heard in my life.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Jessica R
Girl #1: Why you holding yo’ nose? We all know it smells like piss in here.
Girl #2: I know it smells like piss, I just don’ wanna pick anything else up into my lungs.
Girl #1: You jus’ wiling cause of the piss smell.
Girl #2: Please, the elevator in my building smells like piss. In fact, in my building, I can tell you the apartment number of who pissed in the elevator.
–Fordham Metro-North station elevator
Bag lady: Hey, you guys, can you help me out? I’m really hungry!…You need a dye job, you know! Your roots are showing.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Drew
Teen boy: Somewhere out there…someone is getting laid.
–Empire State Building
