Frat guy, to bodega employee: Do you guys have Vitamin Water?
Hobo: I got your Vitamin Water right here. It’s called B-E-E-R!
–DeKalb Ave, Brooklyn
Frat guy, to bodega employee: Do you guys have Vitamin Water?
Hobo: I got your Vitamin Water right here. It’s called B-E-E-R!
–DeKalb Ave, Brooklyn
Father to son: Well, I guess she’ll just have to become a stripper…
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lezbitron
Girl on phone: I guess we should go ahead with the strippers and do it.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: MG
Middle-aged woman: I don’t know. I mean, can you put a 20 in the G-string?
–Metro-North, Harlem Line
Frat boy: Hey, man, belly dancers ain’t strippers. I learned that the hard way.
–AMC Theaters, Lincoln Center
Girl to pal: Well, where do you want your ashes spread? A strip club?
–12th & 3rd
Overheard by: Talia
Dude: It’s Kurt Cobain’s birthday soon.
Grungy hipster girl: Reeeally?
Skinny frat boy: Too bad he shot himself in the head.
Dude: Haha, yeah. Shotgun!
–New School dorm
Overheard by: Cameron
Chick: I feel like I can relate more to retarded people than normal people.
–Broadway & Waverly
Girl on cell: What are you talking about?! She’s intellectually retarded. Hang on a sec, okay? Crap! They don’t have The Da Vinci Code.
–Outside The Strand
Black girl: … And we wasn’t laughin’ at him ’cause he got Down Syndrome… [Chuckles] We was laughin’ ’cause he was mackin’ on us so hard!
–Fordham University cafeteria, Rose Hill
Overheard by: So did the helmet get in the way?
Frat boy: Geez, bro, just when I thought you couldn’t get retardeder…
–Park Row
Overheard by: Passerby
Angry girl on cell: I was trying to tell her that she’s fucking retarded… in a very nice way!
–Fontana’s
Teen to another: Yo, if I pass in June, I’ll only be in high school five years! [Pounds fists with pal.]
–F train
Chick: I used to be a straight-A student until I realized I was just learning how to get A’s.
–Diner, Chelsea
Frat boy: There are still wedgies in Quaker school.
–19th & 5th
Overheard by: Jeff McCrum
Lunching chick: I mean, I only feel sort of responsible for their illiteracy. I am their teacher…
–Dishes Restaurant, 45th St
Overheard by: Literate
Teen: No lie, my nigga — I wrote a perfect essay! I wrote a perfect essay, nigga!
–Marte Valle Prep School, Stanton & Norfolk
Teacher giving tour: Back then it was very difficult to graduate from high school, and it still is, judging from the amount of people who drop out. Although a tree stump could graduate from Saint Ann’s… Okay, no one put that in the school newspaper quotes… Please…
–Chinatown
Frat boy: Okay, guys, to recap: We’re not going to tell my parents about getting arrested, the Xanax, my nipples…
Other guys, in unison: Got it.
–Canal & Lafayette
Overheard by: klulita
College dude #1: You know what I hate about New York?
College dude #2: What?
College dude #1: Female mustaches.
College dude #2: You don’t think there are women with mustaches anywhere else?
College dude #1: No, but there are shitloads more here than anywhere else, and no one seems to care.
College dude #2: Touché.
–59th & 10th
Frat boy: Yo, those chicks are hot. Let’s cat-call them. How do you cat-call?
Friend: Ummm…
Frat boy, yelling: Cat-call! This is an official cat-call!
–E Houston & Mulberry
Overheard by: barapa
Old frat boy #1: So, I heard you have a pee fetish.
Old frat bay #2: I’m not gonna lie, I’ve peed on some girls in my day.
Old frat boy #1: Awesome.
–Bar, Spring St
Frat boy #1: Dude, you got really skinny. What’s going on with you? Are you sick or something?
Frat boy #2: Yeah, bro, I have IBS — Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Frat boy #1: You shittin’ me!
–91st & 1st
Overheard by: AZS
