Please, Wednesday One-Liners, May I Have Another?

Teenage boy to father: You know, everyone knows you’re a furry now.

–Food Emporium, 86th St

Curly-haired chick on cell: It’s like you’re a health nut but with S&M tendencies.

–Ouidad

Overheard by: Pookins

Woman on cell: I’m constantly carrying around like four outfits, paperwork, leftover food, and collars.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McF

Man on cell: Look, if you want to have sex with animals just get drunk and do it!

–Burrito Shop

Overheard by: Marc

Suit: …So if I raise the bed, then I can put the S&M toys under it.

–Bed, Bath, and Beyond

Overheard by: Katie

20-something college girl: Dude! I don’t know how I ended up on my knees calling him "Sir" okay!?… It just happened…

–St. Marks b/w 1st & A

Overheard by: i wish i was

Hot nerd on cell: I mean seriously, what’s the point of having friends if you can’t occasionally accuse them of sexual deviance?

–40th & 3rd

Posted on June 4, 2008
Advice, Animals & Nature, Boys, Clothing, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Etiquette, Friendship, Girls, Grocery Stores, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penn Station, Questions, S&M, Sorority Girls, Store, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Women, Words

Your Editors Suggest You Read Overheard in New York With a Friend

Hipster: Why are you playing Tetris when you have me to talk to?
Friend, still playing: Shhhh.
Hipster: [Closes friend’s phone.]Friend, looking up: Things like that break up friendships.

–Broadway & Lafayette

Overheard by: Jer

Posted on May 22, 2008
Cell Phone, Default, Etiquette, Friends, Friendship, Hipsters, Questions, Video Games

Until You Promise to Stop Washing with Hot Pepper Sauce

Girl #1: It’s not a date. We’re just going to a show. It’s like if you and me went.
Girl #2: Except he’s not black and short like me.
Girl #1: And I love him.
Girl #2: You love me too.
Girl #1: I don’t want to suck on parts of your body.

–Madison Square Park

Posted on May 19, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Height, Madison Square Garden, Parks, Physical appearance, Race, Sexuality

Assuming That What Suburban 13-Year-Olds Have Can Be Considered a “Life”

13-year-old boy #1: Dude, you know what I did? I totally called Donna and told her you made a date with a fat chick.
13-year-old boy #2: You did not.
13-year-old boy #1: I totally did. She thought it was really funny. Sorry.
13-year-old boy #3: You guys are wasting my time and my life. [gets up and leaves]

–Cosi, 13th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: thank god i’m not 13 anymore

Posted on May 17, 2008
Boys, Dating, Default, Diet/Weight, Friends, Friendship, Gripes, Lies, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, The Village, Weirdness

As the Warning Label Explains

Bartender to DJ: This is the kind of music gay guys listen to when they get drunk and accidentally fuck their girlfriends.
DJ, over music: What?
Bartender: This is the kind of music gay guys listen to when they get drunk and accidentally fuck their girlfriends!

–Lit Lounge

Overheard by: waiting for my drink

Posted on May 15, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Default, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Music, Musicians, Sex, Union Square and East Village

The Appeal Of Perez Hilton’s Site: Encapsulated

Female prepster: … And part of me is totally into really fucked up people with really fucked up problems.
Male prepster: Yeah. Me too. Totally, dude.

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Posted on May 11, 2008
Default, Friendship, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Preppies, Psychology, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

The College Students Were Given a Time-Out and the Train Proceeded on Its Course

College student to slow-ass friends, during morning rush hour commute: Hurry up! I’m holding open the doors for you!
Conductor: I’m very upset about this.

–6 Train

Overheard by: wb

Posted on May 8, 2008
Anger Management, Default, Friends, Friendship, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Students, Subway conductors, Yeaaahhh College!

…Toasting Him at Other Bars

Man on barstool: I want to toast my friend who passed away.
Bartender, as he slides glass to man: Oh geez, sorry to hear that. When did he die?
Man: Four years ago.
Bartender: Four years ago… And you are just now…
Man: I’ve been busy.

–3rd Ave Bar, near 37th

Overheard by: Paul

Posted on May 3, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Death, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Friendship, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Time, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Wednesday One-Liners?

Little boy: But I was really excited for her to get a hernia!

–35th & 6th

Overheard by: alix

Eleven-year-old boy, to classmate that he just hit with a ball representing "responsibility": Oooooooo!!! You just got pounded in the face with responsibility!!!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Their Proud Counselor

Ten-year-old girl, about figures: Why do they all have to be boys?

–Bodies: The Exhibition, South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Robert

Young child crossing the street while holding his mothers hand: [Singing] Please… Don’t… Enter me.

–70th St & Columbus

Little boy: It’s not illegal to jiggle.

–6th & 17th

Preschooler to daddy: Can I get that three hundred dollars now?

–UES

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Education, Friendship, Gender issues, Girls, Illness, Kids, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Questions, Singing, Tweens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Spin Fat into Muscle

African man, yelling into cell: I am not riding a bike! I’m not a machine! I’m not a machine! I’m not a wheel!

–W 23rd St

Overheard by: I’m a train!

Loud chick on cell: So I told him he’s gotta do some exercises or something to keep up with me. I mean, he doesn’t do any foreplay or anything, just climbs his fat ass on top of me…

–37th & Broadway

Guy on phone at sandwich shop: How am I? Well, that’s a complicated quesion -do you mean right now, or in general? Because right now, Lisa’s got a really bad cold and is all set up on the couch and I just got back from a eulogy for a friend’s pop. So now I’m getting a coffee and then I plan on riding the bicycle at the gym -’cause that’s the closest I can get to heroin. How are you?

–85th & Columbus Ave

Lady, to marathon wheelchair participants: Don’t just sit there, go go go!

–99th & 5th, NYC Marathon

Grown woman, clapping and bouncing up and down: Yaaaaaaay, I get to go on the slide!

–76th & York

Ten-year-old girl leaving the midnight showing of Harry Potter: Ugh. I am never working out again!

–68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazy, Death, Depressed, Diet/Weight, Fitness, Foreplay, Friendship, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Handicaps, Happiness, Heroin, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Psychology, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Tweens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Friendship