Dad to son who is crying after being pushed by another kid: Johnny*, why are you crying? He didn't do it on purpose. He's your friend.
Johnny: No he's not! No one's my friend! I don't have friends!
–Brooklyn Heights Promenade
Overheard by: Margarita
Dad to son who is crying after being pushed by another kid: Johnny*, why are you crying? He didn't do it on purpose. He's your friend.
Johnny: No he's not! No one's my friend! I don't have friends!
–Brooklyn Heights Promenade
Overheard by: Margarita
Hobo #1: So then she said she just wanted to be friends, and I was like, “What do you mean by “friends?” Like shake-hands friends? Cause I don't need friends to shake hands with. I'm looking for pussy.”
Hobo #2: Haha, what did she say?
Hobo #1: Well, I dunno, she hasn't called back yet.
–Union Square
Angry man on cell: I need a friend in my life! Do you hear me?! …I don't care! I'm not leaving my wife for anyone!
–Roosevelt Ave, Flushing
Overheard by: oh, you thought my ipod was on
Girl to friend: Tomorrow I'm finally unpacking and I'm buying a new sundress to wear on Sunday when I go out to brunch with my new love interest. But he doesn't know that's the direction our friendship is headed.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Older woman with teased black hair on cell: But Frank, I don't want you to write a song about me. I want things to be as they were, friends when we were normal. Don't write me a song.
–Staten Island Ferry
Girl to friend: Well, I'm friends with him too and I didn't sleep with him.
–Shake Shack, Union Square
Girl to friend: I'm willing to let you sleep with my best friend and you still want more?
–W 31 & 6th
Overheard by: misery
Angry woman on cell: And then he told this complete stranger, "My ex-wife had lesbian lovers! My ex-wife slept with young boys!" We've been divorced for six years and he's still talking shit about me, but he says he wants to be friends?!
–2nd St & Ave A
Overheard by: voidoid
Man #1: Hey, gay angel!
Man #2 (walking ahead of man #1): Did you just call me a gay angel?
Man #1: Yeah.
Man #2: That's why you are my best friend, asshole.
–1st St & Ave A
Overheard by: lila
Crazy guy with black Labrador (angrily): Why didn't you say anything? I thought you were my friend.
–3rd & Sullivan
Overheard by: Sizzle
Middle aged Rastafari to Labrador: This isn't a chew toy, motherfucker!
–Central Park West
Overheard by: Sarah
Man to small puppy: You're so round and furry, aren't you Oscar? You're like a Mexican!
–Fordham Road
Old lady with tiny dog: Sparky, I really don't want to be in here.
–PETCO, Union Square
Overheard by: Ave
Woman to dog: Oh, rolling onto your back again, are you? Just like the slutty girl at prom…
–Extra Virgin Restaurant, The Village
Overheard by: wink
(crazy hobo walks up to little girl's dog and picks it up)
Crazy homeless man (shouting in the dog's face): I would name you snowball, but you're brown!
–Tompkins Square Park
Trendy girl #1: I mean, Michelle’s one of my best friends…
Trendy girl #2: Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you, did Michelle and Kyle break up?
Trendy girl #1: I think so. According to Facebook.
–A Train
Suit on cell: So what does he think, he’s going to, like, eat scrambled eggs with these people and then they’ll sit down and talk about it?
–Shore Road, Brooklyn
Yankee fan: So, we was talkin’ to him and we was all like: "Let’s go to a bar!" And he was all like: "I like poetry" so the guys pretty much ditched him, so I was left with ‘im, and had to talk about his feelings and shit. It sucked.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: I like poetry.
Religious flier nut to friend: We can’t talk about that out here because then they’ll know what we’re about.
–Delancey and Ludlow
Overheard by: Adrienne
Student (shouting): Okay, everyone: I’m doing this whole "day of silence" business so none of you better talk to me! I’m not supposed to say anything and I will be so pissed if anyone of you trick me into talking!
–Millennium High School
Overheard by: I’m staying silent…
Hysterical teenage girl on bus: Well, maybe you should have talked about it before you conceived me!
–M34 Bus
Overheard by: nina
Curly-haired chick on cell: I’m glad I can talk to you about my pubes with such ease.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky
Private school girl: Would you cry if you found out I was dying?
Friend: Sure, if I was on my period.
–Great Lawn
Southern tourist child: Daddy, was Jesus Dolly Parton’s best friend too?
Southern tourist father: No, no one really loved Dolly Parton.
–34th & Lexington
Overheard by: Graham Davis
13-year-old girl: Oh my god, you and Isabel have a new inside joke?
Friend: Oh my god, you check my Facebook wall like everyday, don’t you?
13-year-old girl: Yeah, I do. Didn’t you see that I sent you a new bumper sticker? It says “I respect your sluttiness.”
–Darkened Bathroom, Bat Mitzvah Party
