Oh Jeez, Get Ready for a Rant About the Jews

Old black man: Do you believe in black Jesus or white Jesus?
White girl: White Jesus.
Old black man: I knew there was something wrong with you the minute I saw you.

–2 Train

Posted on July 25, 2023
Black People, Girls, Jesus, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Race, White People

Extra Points for the Parker Posey Lip Curl, Anyway

Flyer guy: Hey, wanna see a comedy show? (two snotty girls ignore him) Hey, you like to laugh?
Snotty girls: No!
Flyer guy: Ah, you're miserable. Heading back to Staten Island?

–Times Square

Posted on July 22, 2023
Flyer people, Girls, Laughter, Questions, Theater & Dance, Times Square

For Those Who Think Men Are More Disgusting Than Women

Chick #1, signing to other friend: Ha!
Chick #2: What does that mean?!
Chick #1: That means ‘I’m going to shit in your vagina.’

–Hot ‘n’ Crusty Pizza

Posted on July 18, 2023
Girls, Languages, Restaurants & Cafes, Threats

Wednesday One-Liners Are the New Black

Guido: I love these jeans. They’re so comfy-womfy.

–R train, Court St

Teen girl: Tissues are so overrated. That’s what long-sleeved shirts are for. That’s why no one wears short-sleeved shirts!

–TGIFriday, 42nd St

Conductor: Down coats are very poofy. Please pull them in from the doors.

–Crowded F train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Puking guy, using hat to catch his vomit: I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to wear this hat again. It was a good hat.

–A train

Overheard by: Joseph

Teen girl, about gift for boyfriend: Can you imagine me getting him a sweater that’s too small and going, ‘Oh, it’s too small? I’ll take it!’

–R train

Chick: She was a tasteful goth… but she was wearing a cape.

–4th & Lafayette

Posted on July 17, 2023
Clothing, Compliments, Conductors, Default, Gifts, Girls, Gripes, Guidos, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, The Village, Vomit, Words

And Look Great Doing It

Girl #1: So, like, how does the story end?
Girl #2: I think they all get guillotined.

—Marie Antoinette showing, Clearview’s Chelsea Cinema

Overheard by: Barbie and Bernie

Posted on July 15, 2023
Death, Girls, Movie Theaters

Just, You Know, in Case

Girl #1: What’s a Pap smear?
Girl #2: Oh, its like when they shave your vagina and uterus, and they grow it in a test tube.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: pat from the island

Posted on July 14, 2023
Girls, Health and Hygiene, Penn Station, Private Parts

I Miss This

Chick: Since we broke up you’ve been smoking a lot.
Guy: Yeah…
Chick: You shouldn’t smoke.
Guy: You shouldn’t suck so much dick but you don’t hear me criticize you five times a day.
Chick: [Mouth wide open in shock.]Guy: To start you should try closing your mouth!

–B Train

Overheard by: another now single smoker