With This Ring, I Thee Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!

–Grand Central Terminal

Acting professor: Act as if you're fascinated by what they're saying, while thinking about something else. That's what boys learn to do when they get married.

–NYU

Overheard by: Lisa

Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it–unless she's married!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I'll let you marry my daughter!

–10th St & University

Overheard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.

–Central Park

Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on November 29, 2020
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Kids, Marriage, Men, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, School and studying, Street, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Theater & Dance, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

One of Those ‘It’s Funny Because It’s True’ Situations

Chick #1: Yeah, she totally called her a slut.
Chick #2: No way! Wow!
Chick #1: Yeah, she did.
Chick #2: Wow, that’s rough… well, actually, she is kind of a slut. I guess it’s not really an insult if it’s true.

–Sarabeth’s Restaurant, 92nd & Madison

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on November 27, 2020
Girls, Ladies Who Lunch, Prostitution, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper East Side

That’s Not Really By Choice, Fattie

Girl #1: Oh, look! Those clothes are cute. Let’s go look over there.
Girl #2: Those are maternity clothes.
Girl #1: Oh my God, no way!
Girl #2: Yes, see? It says “A Pea in the Pod Maternity Clothes”.
Girl #1: Oh wow, I had no idea!
Girl #2: Yeah, they are.
Girl #1: Well! There isn’t going to be a pea in this pod any time soon, I can tell you that!

–Macy’s

Posted on November 27, 2020
Clothing, Friends, Girls, Idiots, Retail Therapy, Store, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Be a Part Of It

Suit: That's why I can't help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.

–Grand Central Terminal

Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say "excuse me!"

–Macy's, Herald Square

Overheard by: The City Planner

Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?

–1st Ave & 6th St

Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what's great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it's no big deal, because you'll probably never see those people again, you know?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BPV

Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like "shitter."

–96th & Columbus Ave

Posted on November 21, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Store, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Now, Less Than Ever

Salesguy: Would you ladies like to come in? Can I help you find anything?
Chick #1: Oh, no thanks.
Chick #2: The perfume's too much for us.
Salesguy: You could hold your noses.
Chick #2: Uh, I think we'd pass out eventually.
Chick #1: Yeah, you don't want that. Ambulances are bad for business.
Salesguy: I've always wanted to ride in the back of an ambulance!
Chick #2: Um…
Chick #1: Actually, it's a bit of a role reversal. We're waiting for my husband to finish shopping.
Salesguy: Oh, which one is your husband?
Chick #1: He's right there.
Salesguy: The one with the ponytail? Looks like a vampire? Hot.
Chick #1: Uh, yes, that's him.
Salesguy: Boy, you're one lucky lady.
Chick #1: I know. Thanks.
Salesguy: Hey, does he have a brother?
Chick #1: Yes.
Salesguy: Just kidding. Does he have a sister?
Chick #1: No.
Salesguy: Oh. Well, I was still kidding. You sure you don't want to come in?

–Outside The Body Shop, 76th & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on November 20, 2020
9 to 5-ers, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Offers and requests, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Shopping, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners

11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It's like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!

–Tompkins Square Park

Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!

–90th St & 2nd Ave

Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I'm not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)

–D Train

Overheard by: seat changer

Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.

–W 23rd Street

Overheard by: Cool and Dry

Little girl: I don't like boys! They're mean and they sweat a lot!

–2nd & Ave A

Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I'm dripping cum!

–Hester & Allen

Overheard by: lower east side

Posted on November 18, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Drunks, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Rape, Retards & Handicaps, Sex, Smegma, Street, Sweat, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wasn't This a Teen Movie?

Teen girl to friends: I've heard that they unleash packs of Rottweilers here at night.
Friends: What?
Girl: Yeah, to keep people from just hiding in here and sleeping, or whatever. Because it's so big and they can't cover the whole thing… Packs of Rottweilers covering the woods… (friends gasp)

–New York Botanical Gardens