Guy: Yeah, we call my brother’s girlfriend Swiss Miss.
Girl: Is that because she’s Brazilian?
–Purity Diner, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Cleo
Guy: Yeah, we call my brother’s girlfriend Swiss Miss.
Girl: Is that because she’s Brazilian?
–Purity Diner, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Cleo
Customer You Greek?
Waitress: Greek Orthodox.
Customer: So you’re Greek.
Waitress: No, that’s my religion, they call it Greek Orthodox.
Customer: But you’re from Greece, right?
Waitress: No, Belarus.
Customer: Russia?
Waitress: Belarus. It’s the former USSR. It’s between Russia and Poland.
Customer: I never heard of it. It must be very small.
Waitress: It’s not small.
Customer: It must be very small.
Waitress: It’s the size of France. France is quite big, actually.
Customer: I better look at a map.
Waitress: Yeah, you’d better.
–Diner, Park Slope
White lady, surrounded by "Save Darfur" ralliers: Who’s Darfur?
Husband: Well, I don’t know, but whoever he is, he sure is in a lot of trouble.
–6 train
Overheard by: Jill Benson
Guy #1: You know that Anton Webern’s Quartet for the End of Time was performed in a concentration camp? Crazy.
Guy #2: Yeah. He died real weird. I forget how. I think the Nazis shot him.
Total stranger: Actually he was shot by Allied soldiers. He was breaking curfew smoking a cigarette, and they mistook him for his brother-in-law, who was an alleged Nazi spy.
Guy #1: Oh, I see. Thanks.
Total stranger: Any other questions? I just ride this train all day waiting to answer questions on twentieth-century music composition. The next car has an expert on Chekhov, and the conductor studies philosophy.
Guy #1: So anyway, Slavic girls are pretty hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, for real.
–7 train
Optimist queer: You should be happy. Not all the people in the world are out to get you. Why not just be nice?
Pessimist queer: Whenever I’m nice to people, they spit in my eye, fuck me up my ass, and kick it all the way to Siberia.
Optimist queer: So when was the last time someone fucked you up your ass?
Pessimist queer: An hour ago.
–Sutphin & Hillside, Jamaica
Overheard by: ting
Woman on cell: When you assume, you make an ass of yourself.
–4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mark
Hipster: Yo, what’s up with Filene’s Basement? That shit’s on the top floor!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Tourist: Is that the Enron building?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Robyn
Tourist to security guard: Are these all originals?
–Impressionist Gallery, the Met
Overheard by: j-diddy
Female tourist: I could never live in Central America because I’d miss the ocean.
–Restaurant bathroom, Little Italy
Overheard by: Olia
Girl looking at subway map: What about that thing, that star–“You are here”? They don’t have that?
–(Moving) uptown 1 train, 59th St
Overheard by: Jo
White hipster girl: Is black semen black?
–86th & Park
Woman: So the subway in Abu Dhabi is pretty convenient?
Man: Yeah, but the only thing I don’t understand is how they can put a subway on an island.
Woman, after a long pause: Think about it.
–1 train, Christopher St
Belgian friend: Have you ever been to Belgium?
American friend: Yes. Five times.
Belgian friend: Really? Five times? What did you think of it?
American friend: It was beautiful, and the food was fantastic. But I noticed the people there looked so sad and depressed. Although I did see a certain pride in their faces…like they know they make great products.
Belgian friend, thoughtfully: Mmmm, yes. We do make great products.
–Joyce Theater, 19th & 8th
Overheard by: Shannon
Girlfriend: Spain is an island! With Portugal!
Boyfriend: Look, why do you wanna talk about this?
–Fort Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: jcm
Older man, screaming at Middle Eastern booth operator: You playa hata! You uptight and ignorant! This is bullshit! Go back to Leban!
–59th St subway station
Overheard by: Marissa
Frat boy: You need to go south of the Mason Dickinson line. That’s where you find the really hot girls.
–14th & 2nd
Thug: I don’t understand the Middle East shit. How can you be in the east and still be in the middle?!
–F train
Overheard by: Braincurve
Lady: I heard it was going to be a big thunderstorm out on Long Island. You know, just the Hamptons, Montauk and Connecticut.
–NYSC, Cobble Hill
Southern woman: Yeah, come meet us! We’re on Long Island!
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Caty
Mexican girl: Most European countries make you join the army at 18. Colombia, Peru…
–28th & Park
Overhead by: Lindsay
Teen tourist: If I was in America, I would send this back.
–Thai restaurant, 34th St & 30th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Jamie M
Bus driver: I gotta get out of this country. It’s too damn hot. I’m going to Alaska.
–M4 bus
Overheard by: Gwenn
