Gripes

Caution: Wednesday One-Liners at Work

Hardhat: Walk in the walkway, people! It’s much safer! Watch out for the cabs! They hurt!

–Broadway & Fulton

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Chunky Mexican hardhat: I might not have a million dollars, but I got a big fat dick to put in her ass.

–St. Patrick’s Cathedral

Hardhat: Awright, look — after lunch, I’ll get you a grinder, and then we’re having a three-way, okay?

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Hardhat on cell: So, when you say you want to cheat, do you mean a one-time thing, or is this something you plan on doing again and again?

–14th St, between 6th & 7th Ave

Hardhat to another: Bitch, please! I asked for a pink soda! I’m not going to drink this shit!

–10th & 3rd

Overheard by: Veronika LaRocque

A Guy's Not Allowed to Make a Radom Observation?

Young boyfriend, as Madonna's “holiday” comes on: You know, I have always hated Pat Benatar.
Older girlfriend, spitting out beer: Well, that's good honey, because this is Madonna.
Tattooed bartender chick: Pathetic.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Cougar Hunter

I Heard That!

NYU student on cell: … And she didn’t realize that I was just, like, just so itchy!
Friend with her: Man, why are all the stupid girls in this city always on their cell phones?

–22nd & 2nd

Overheard by: jharris

Armed Robbers Are All About Family Values

Guy #1, in elevator at criminal courthouse: I don't understand. Why is it that every time I get arrested and come to court for something I did, they pull me aside and lock me up for something I didn't do? All I have to do is touch the door of the courthouse and they pull me aside and tell me I robbed the family dollar store! Why would I rob the family dollar?
Guy #2 in elevator: It's a family! Trying to make a dollar!
Guy #1: Exactly!

–Criminal Courthouse, Brooklyn

Overheard by: NYC Kim

Wednesday One-Liners Hope for Conjugal Visits

Trench coat guy on cell: Are they arresting you?

–72nd & West End

Overheard by: orlum

Woman rushing inside: Oh my god! I was almost an eyewitness to something!

–Viacom building, 44th & Broadway

Overheard by: bonster

Man on cell: I’m sorry to bother you, but I really don’t wanna go to jail…

–S 2nd & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Are All Criminals So Polite?

Guy: That’s so true! He’ll willingly go to jail just for the free sex!

–Union Square Park

Chick toting a baby: Yeah, but I ain’t qualify fo’ that ’cause of all them felonies I got.

–Ridgewood, Queens

Overheard by: Grytsayo

Sean Preston Says What We’re All Thinking

Mom: You’re just making me frustrated right now.
Whining toddler: And you’re making me stupid!

–16th St, between 6th & 7th Ave

If You Start Singing Again, I’ll Tell Security You’re From Yemen

Girl #1: I’m sick of college. Too much work.
Girl #2: Let’s just go to Funkytown.

–LaGuardia Airport

They Paid Extra for the Triple-Fun Package

Southern high school teacher to tour group: … Because you are going to be either mugged, raped, or murdered. That is what I’m thinking is going to happen to me on these crazy New York City streets, so be alert.
Student: My parents paid for this trip?

–Outside Hampton Inn, 51st & 8th

Overheard by: jco

Wednesday One-Liners Could Pinch Hit for William Safire

Wardrobe consultant chick: Hey Jorge*, el foodo is here! Wait a minute, what’s the word again?

–Men’s Wearhouse, 34th & 5th

Overheard by: erak

Tourist woman on cell: That’s not even the right thing to say to somebody in a fight. A "punk" is from the 50s. It’s like a tough guy or a street guy.

–56th & 5th

Woman on cell: You know what pull my finger means? Well you better start pulling your finger. Pull it 24/7.

–12th & 1st

Guy: Korean words don’t end in vowels, you fuckhead. Except for "Korea"… and "Hyundai".

–Chelsea Market

Yuppie dad lecturing two school-age sons: Last week, this girl in my class said that something just sucked and I told her, "You know, when you’re in English class, vocabulary is cool, and it’s better to say that something is disappointing instead of saying that it sucks."

–Tip-Top Shoes, W 72nd St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Man on cell: Do you know what trifling means?? No! It does NOT mean truffle-making!

–17th & 6th

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Guy, passing "La Bagel Delight": That means "The Bagel Delight" in
French!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

I Always Spin a 2, Never Get the Blue Car, and My Peg Always Falls Out.

Hipster: Life is so… boring to me.

–Outside trendy hipster bar

Overheard by: J. Corner

Headline by: RL

Runners-Up:
· “God: Well, You See Jesus, I’m Kinda Glad You Said That Because…” – Sizzle
· “Obviously Hasn’t Tried the New “Coke Zero”” – Leary Blaine
· “That’s Why God Invented Firearms” – astanhope
· “The Sun Is Hot, Water Is Wet, And, Somewhere, a Hipster Is Bored. More at Eleven.” – map
· “Those Skinny Jeans Will Suffocate You Soon Enough” – Mowgli Allagash
· “Who Ordered the Ennui and Tonic?” – brian brinegar
· “You’re Not Exactly a Fireworks Extravaganza Yourself” – Katie Darling

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

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