Tourist girl: Where’s Macy’s?
Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.
–6th & 55th
Overheard by: Dan
Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren’t stupid are dumb!
–Madison & 49th
Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he’d go to the circus they’d treat him like shit.
–59th & Lexington
Overheard by: i’ll take the mustang
Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.
–Deli, 33rd & 7th
Suit on cell: That’s stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!
–23rd & Lexington
Overheard by: tallnawkward
Charmer: All of these people walk around the fence all like “Boo hoo hoo”. Ugh. Just suck my dick already!
Overheard by: Auston McLain
Two male twins, dressed alike, in their 20s, address two female twins, dressed alike, in their 20s.
Male twins: Hey! Are you twins?! You twins?! That’s great! We’re twins too! Hey, we’re twins too!
Female twins: Mmmhmm.
Male twins: You ain’t twins! You lesbians! She look like she wanna get it on with you! You ain’t twins! Hey, I’m just tryin’ ‘a help ya out! You ain’t twins.
Female twins: [silence] Male twins: I’m just tryin’ a help you out! I have your best interest in mind! You ain’t twins! Look! That one’s that one’s mother!
Female twins: We’re twins. We are the same age.
Male twins: Then how come that one so much older than the other? You ain’t twins! We twins! That’s why we so tall! We the twin towers!
Female twins flee train.
Tourists: How do we get to the tour of ground zero?
Security guard: See that window across the street? Go up those stairs and over, and you can look down at it if you want.
Little kid: You never take me anywhere!
Mom: How can you say that to me? We went to the Prospect Park Zoo last weekend. You’ve been to Disney World!
Little kid: You never took me to the Twin Towers.
Mom: 9⁄11 happened two weeks before you were born.
Little kid: See!
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Tourist mother: Wait, do they call it ground zero because it’s on zero street?
Tourist son: I’m pretty sure that’s not why, mom.
Tourist mother: Well, then what’s the address?
Overheard by: Andrew Larsen
Male office drone #1: So what do you think of them building a mosque by the World Trade Center?
Female office drone #1: I feel it’s disrespectful. I have Muslim friends and I know they’re not all terrorists, but there’s mourning families to think about.
Male office drone #2: Why don’t we put a statue of Hitler in Times Square? There might be some Germans who would want to pray to him.
Female office drone #2: Let them put up a mosque there and then fly a plane into it. Show them how it feels. (others look shocked) Not a manned plane, you know. One of those drones.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Lower Broadway
Overheard by: Big Larry
Stupid fat American girl #1: So like, where’s the World Trade Centers?
Stupid fat American girl #2: Ohmigod, are you serious? They were, like, destroyed!
Stupid Far American girl #1: Ohmigod! Are you for real? I thought that it was like, only one of them…!
Fashion girl #1, on 9⁄11: Did you see the two large lights in the sky?
Fashion girl #2: Yeah, crazy, right? I think they put them up for Fashion Week.
–King & Varick