Guys

Nah, I'm Too Depressed to Hypothesize

Dominican guy: I really like your haircut.
Brooklyn guy: Yeah, the women at work really liked it, but I never take anything they say seriously because I know how ugly I am.
Dominican guy: Yeah, I know what you mean. You know like when women say “I want to be with you,” but they really don't do that…
Brooklyn guy: Okay, this is the only thing that is going to be true of what I say from now on. Every girl I asked out has said yes, but didn't mean it.
Dominican guy: Is this a hypothetical situation?

–Harlem

They Come in Black, Right?

Metrosexual guy: Oh, there were babies everywhere in there.
JAP #1: I know, babies are so trendy!
JAP #2: I have to get one.

–Outside Anthropology, 5th Ave

Overheard by: population control

It’s Not Like We Hung a Pussies Welcome Sign

Guy on cell: You don’t want to move here…No! I’m telling you, this place sucks. You make $1000 bucks a week, $600 after taxes. Then you can’t go to all of the fun bars and places like that because you can’t freakin’ afford it. All you end up doing is watching all of the freakin’ wealthy people go out and have a good time. Dude, I’m telling you, it’s not what it’s hyped to be. I was totally tricked.

–Houston & Lafayette

Wednesday One-liners Order Scotch, Rocks

Guy: Dude, I’m not allergic to cats when I’m drunk.

–PATH train

Overheard by: Laura Tipaldo

No, We Believe in Letting the Market Show Them

Preppy guy: Libertarianism has nothing to do with showing your breasts.

–Uncle Ming’s, Avenue B

Overheard by: Djlindee

This Is Not the New York Of Gossip Girl

Girl, as subway doors open: It smells like ass.
Guy: It's New York City, were you expecting sunshine and rainbows?

–Uptown F Train

A Wednesday One-liners Short Story

Guy: My wife is just a hoot. She just tries and tries to undermine me.

–Craft, E. 19th Street

Girl: She’s into God and stuff like that. I hate that shit.

–C train

Overheard by: jason steinhauer

Slut: …all I know is that it’s $40,000 and you’ve gotta buy him breakfast in the morning.

–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Wednesday Om-Liners

Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.

–Barnes & Noble

Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Smoking Student

Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.

–Midtown

Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.

–C Train

Overheard by: evan

White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Aileen

Sherry: Did Ratatouille Mean Nothing to You?

Guy #1: It may take a few tries, but it works — you can flush them down the toilet.
Guy #2: I didn’t think you could flush something, y’know — solid. Don’t they jam up the toilet?
Guy #1: Nope. I guess they’re not big enough, or maybe I’ve been lucky, but I’ve never had a problem.
Guy #2: If you’re going to kill them anyway, I don’t see why you have those live traps.
Guy #1: Sherry won’t let me get regular traps, so I don’t tell her I’m flushing the mice, and everything’s cool. I just tell her I’m setting them loose outside.

–6 train, 23rd & Park

NewsFlash: Asshole Hangs Out at Sports Bar, Film at 11

Man #1: There are no cute chicks here.
Man #2: Yeah.
Man #1: Let’s go some place else — my wife is working overnight at the hospital.

–ESPN Zone Sports Bar, Times Square

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist