Wednesday One-Liners Lay the Smack Down

Big guy on phone: … All I’m sayin’ is that’s wrong, man — you hit an ol’ woman, and you’re a boxer!

–151st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Thin walls

Guy on cell: So, wait — you punched her or slapped her? In the face?! Oh. Ow… Yeah, that’s still not appropriate.

–N 6th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: j

Angry guy on cell: This guy laid a fucking warrant on me for beating up crackheads!

–168th & Fort Washington Ave

Overheard by: RR

Five-year-old girl to seven-year-old brother: I’ll punch your Adam’s apple straight down your throat!

–Graham Ave bus station

Black girl on rising escalator, to friend: If he says anything to me, I’m gonna kick him in the ding-ding and then run!

–Broadway East station

Overheard by: Subwaysurfer

Posted on September 22, 2014
Anger Management, Balls, Bitch-slap, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Bus, Crime and Punishment, Default, Elevators, Etiquette, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Lower East Side, On Cell, On the Bus, Punch, Sisters, Street, Violence

If We Give Up Now, Mother Nature Wins

Guy #1: Man it’s freakin’ freezing out! Isn’t there supposed to be global warming or something!?
Guy #2: Well, obviously we’re not trying hard enough.

–50th & Broadway

Posted on September 22, 2014
Animals & Nature, Default, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weather

His Dream Is to Fuck a Brain in a Jar / Stephen Hawking

Guy: I am sapien-sexual. That means I am into minds, not bodies!
Bimbette: I’ve never been into vocabulary.

–11th & University

Overheard by: Maggie

Posted on September 21, 2014
Bimbettes, Default, Guys, Relationships, Stupidity, The Village, Words

Please Silence Your Phone During the Wednesday One-Liners

Preppy girl: I really loved that movie. I thought it was titillating… And not just because there was cock and balls. I don’t care about that.

–Third Avenue

Guy to self: Brokeback mountain… Starring Hillary Clinton!

–Herald Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Worst Movie Ever

Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Oscar and all, but I thought "No Country for Old Men" was pretty boring. I have to admit though the choreography was amazing.

–SoHo

Thug, peddling pile of DVDs: Ghetto Blockbuster! I am your ghetto Blockbuster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [Another group of customers walks in.] I got that action, comedy, romance and I got that pussy! I am your friendly neighborhood ghetto Blockbuster.

–24 Hour McDonalds, Water & Moore

Overheard by: BigKahuna&BigRed

Creepy hipster: You’d think you can’t have sex to "Silence of the Lambs"…

–Huron St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: sweetchuck

Dude on cell: If you like murder, you’re gonna love this movie!

–48 Bus

Posted on September 21, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, Penis, Politics, Preppies, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thugs, Vendors & Street Performers

Blondie is a Group

The bartender is wearing a Blondie shirt.

Guy: Do you even know who Blondie is? Do you know who JFK is?
Bartender: Were you even alive when JFK was alive?
Guy: I’ll bet you were born in 1982.
Bartender: Did anyone ever tell you how charming you are?
Guy: No!

–The Library, Avenue A

Posted on September 21, 2014
Assholes, Bartenders, Clothing, Guys, History & Geography, Library, Music, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

Don’t Be Fooled by the Costume and Duster

Guy #1: I got some dirt on my shoulder. Can you brush it off for me?
Guy #2: I ain’t yo’ maid, bitch!

–Hotel, Times Square

Overheard by: Jace

Posted on September 20, 2014
Gripes, Guys, Hotels, Jobs & Careers, Times Square

M.E.: I’d Say She’s Been Dead All Weekend

Guy #1: Dude, are you going to that party this weekend?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah. My girlfriend has been sick all week. She was, like, throwing up and coughing up a lung yesterday. I told her, ‘You better not get me fucking sick. I am not missing this party. I will seriously kick your ass if you get me sick.’
Guy #1: What did she say?
Guy #2: I don’t know. She fell asleep or something.

–Lincoln Center

Posted on September 20, 2014
Advice, Assholes, Celebrations/Parties, Guys, Illness, Talking/Convos, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

The Multiple-Choice Section Of This Wednesday One-Liner Begins Now

Train conductor: If anyone sees a blue and yellow backpack, please give it to the train conductor. Jason has a test and he needs to study.

–4 Train

Overheard by: heather

Random guy walking into the ferry station: I figured if I took the test high, I'd get high scores.

–Staten Island Ferry Station

Overheard by: mindy

Professor: These pop quizzes are like making love: you don't get any points for speed, you get them for accuracy.

–Psych Class, Hunter College

Overheard by: I completely agree

Undergrad: I don't even want to look at my art history midterm yet, but if I don't know how I did, I'll go crazy! It's like a Catch-66! Anyway, I'm going to head back to my dorm and put on some pants.

–Butler Library, Columbia University