Middle-aged woman to 20-something guy hand-rolling a cigarette: You know, it looks like you're rolling a joint there.
Guy, laughing: Little early in the day for that, don't you think?
Middle-aged woman: Not for me.
–49th St & Madison Ave
Middle-aged woman to 20-something guy hand-rolling a cigarette: You know, it looks like you're rolling a joint there.
Guy, laughing: Little early in the day for that, don't you think?
Middle-aged woman: Not for me.
–49th St & Madison Ave
Girl, swatting at guy: Stupid, stupid! LAPD?
Guy: Ow! What did I say? What?
Girl: Why would the LAPD be in New York?
Guy: Oh.
–Five Points, Manhattan
Guy: I didn't realize your true nature till you slapped me in the face.
Girl: Right.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
Tourist to boyfriend: Why are there so many humans here?
–Times Square
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this n train is very crowded. There is a w train one minute behind this one with air conditioning, legroom, and color tv.
–N Train
Overheard by: Thinking about switching
Guy: Y'all can't crowd up here! I don't want to name any names, but there's a baby back there that just got stepped on.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Samantha Chastain
Girl walking up stairs, suddenly turning around: Oh, nuh-uh! Get your forehead out of my ass!
–F Train
Blonde: There were three of them; they were twins.
–Lunasa Bar, East Village
Guy on cell: You thought you had the right information, but you didn't have your dots crossed.
–B46 Bus
Overheard by: Brooklynluva
Latino girl in park: Don't read it, bitch, just put it on. It's good, it's sunblock. It protects you from the UVs and huh… The HIV positives, or whatever.
–125th St & Riverside
Overheard by: nearby park bather
Middle-aged guy: It took me forever to find this building; it was confusing because all the numbers were written with letters.
–One (oops, "1") E 53rd Street
Loud girl on cell: And he was like "we had sex three times, so I owe you an hour of going down on you." And I was like "okay."
–Mount Sinai School of Medicine
Overheard by: Horrified Med Student
Bro to another: Dude, she's practically paying for your train ride to have sex with you.
–W Train
College guys to another: Dude, have you fingered her yet?
–5th Ave
Attractive girl smoking and talking on the phone: Wait! Are you saying you want me to go to your hotel room… right now?
–15th St & Union Square West
Overheard by: Stephanie
Girl: It's the one thing my father taught me: always be faster than your slowest friend.
Guy: Was your father a gazelle?
–12th St & Broadway
Girl to guy on packed train: I'm a teacher.
Guy: (silence)
Girl: No, I don't drink a lot.
Guy: (silence)
Girl: I get high every weekend as soon as I get away from the little monsters. There's no drug testing because of the teachers union.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Joshua
Girl: Dave, you got hit by a car, so I cannot trust you crossing the street.
Dave: I ran into the street.
–Graham & Jackson, Williamsburg
