These Wednesday One-Liners Got Sole!

Woman: Nothing says "ferry terminal" like fish with moustaches.

–Battery Maritime Building

Overheard by: Jon A.

Guy in quiet, crowded elevator: Do you know if jellyfish reproduce sexually?

–Google's NYC Office, 15th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Derek

Teen girl to friend: But your shrimp ate a fish alive? Is that what happened? I don't believe you. Shrimp can't eat fish. It's like part of a food chain or something.

–Metro North Railroad

Overheard by: Jessica S.

Excited tourist girl among crowd of Chinese people: I can smell the fish!

–Grand Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Angelina

30-something female customer to H&M employee: Do I smell like I just ate fish?

–H&M

Overheard by: julia

Really drunk girl in front of gallery: I would fuck him for lobster!

–26st St & 10th Ave, Chelsea

Overheard by: Charlotte

Posted on April 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinese, Clerks, Customers, Drunks, Elevators, Food, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Office, One-liners, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, The Village, Tourists, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Watch Wednesday One-Liners' Noses Grow!

Chubby Midwestern woman on cell: Yeah, I'm at Saks Fifth Avenue right now.

–Burger King

Overheard by: willy cheesesteak

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm heading west on 23rd.

–1st Ave

Overheard by: Angela

Suit on cell, pacing around fountain: Yeah, baby I'm so sick, I could barely get out of bed this morning, I dragged myself to the kitchen. Didn't go to work or anything. Yeah, I think I'm just going to try to sleep it off, tonight. Guess dinner's off, sorry.

–Central Park Fountain

Overheard by: Knows Suits on cells are always lying

Man on cell, entering subway station: Yeah, I'm going to my limousine now, I'll talk to you later.

–Subway, 66th & Broadway

Dude in hoodie on cell, exiting subway: No, baby, I can't–I'm in Manhattan. No, I'm in Manhattan!

–86th St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge

Man in jeans purchasing Doritos, on cell: Dude, I can't talk right now, I'm running in the marathon. Call you back in a few hours?

–Duane Reade, 87th & York

Overheard by: Upper East Sider

Posted on April 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Duane Reade, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Men, Midwesterners, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Sports, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

You Can Always Tell Who's in Pre-Law

Guy, yelling to girl unsuccessfully trying to light cigarette: Yo, smoking is bad for you!
Girl, yelling back: It's assholes like you that are bad for us!

–Hunter College

Posted on April 13, 2010
Advice, Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Hunter, Insults, Smoking

Most Are Bilingual, You Know

Guy #1: Did you know eating pussy was a hispanic thing?
Guy #2: No, I did not.
Guy #1: I don't like that word, though. There are nicer ways to say it.
Guy #2: Sorry… “Latino.”

–34th St & Houston

Overheard by: Daniel Ezra Johnson

Posted on April 13, 2010
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, Licking, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Vagina, Words

Go-Go Gadget Vodka Penis!

Group of underage drunk girls: Yaaaayyyy!!! Woohoo! We loooovveee St. Patty's Day! Yeeeeaaaahhhh!
Guy: Yay! Drunk whores!

–52nd & 5th

Overheard by: plasticastle

Posted on April 9, 2010
Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Teens

That's the Official Word from the Gay Consulate, Anyway.

Chelsea guy #1: Okay, it's the next stop, we have to decide who's having sex with him this time.
Chelsea guy #2: Not me, I had sex with him last time.
Chelsea guy #3: No! I had sex with him last time!
Chelsea guy #2: Whatever, that was just a hand job. It didn't count.

–Uptown 1 Train

Posted on April 9, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Guys, Hand-Jobs, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Sex

In Time, My Bruises Will Heal

20-something dude to friend: I didn't mean to hit you with my Johnson.
Friend: Of course not.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: pumpkin

Posted on April 8, 2010
Brooklyn, Friends, Guys, Penis, Violence, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners' Cocktail Hour Started Back in the Eighties

Cop to another: Are you drunk yet?

–Corner of 145th St

Frustrated-sounding NYU student to friend: Well, why don't you get a girl and you can just pretend she's drunk?

–Washington Square

Future rabbi: So my philosophy professor, Lenny Kravitz, told us we'll be drinking scotch in class tomorrow…

–4th & Broadway

Drunk black guy arguing on phone: Man, you need to stop drinkin'. Not only is yo speech gettin' slurred, but yo brains is gettin' slurred too!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Ashley

Dude to friend: I swear to god, every time he gets a little buzzed he thinks he's Austin Powers.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: thivnav

Posted on April 7, 2010
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Education, Friends, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Music, Names, One-liners, Parks, Philosophy, Questions, Relationships, School and studying, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners

Mommy, Where Do Wednesday One-Liners Come From?

Woman on cell, sitting at counter: The baby's not out yet…as in "it's still inside her."

–McDonald's, Varick Street

Overheard by: Jordan

College student: It's like taking candy from a baby…only, ya know, I'd ask the mother first.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Dara

Dork walking by Babies "R" Us with friends: Dude, look! I totally wanna buy a baby!

–Union Square South

Guy on cell: That shop smells like babies!

–Union Square

Drunk man in Santa hat to all train passengers: I know all you ladies want to have babies for Christmas, but there's no time for it! Close your legs, there'll be less heads.

–L Train

Overheard by: Handley Elizabeth

Posted on April 7, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, For Sale, Guys, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Students, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Presenting the Fall Wednesday One-Liner Collection

Fashion photographer: That's a skirt? I thought it was a hat.

–Fashion Closet, Conde Nast Building

Indecisive woman to friend: I like this sweater in principle.

–Banana Republic, 86th & Broadway

Tween girl to mom: I'm not going to put my precious glove in the frickin' oven!

–Queens

Guy: I'm just saying, he doesn't dress like a bro.

–Astor Place

Irate girl wearing too much lipstick: That band really doesn't do him justice… I mean, I don't think he should have to wear a unitard. And she really shouldn't wear one, you know?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Wants to see him in unitard

Posted on April 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Fashionistas, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Queens, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Guys