Wednesday One-Liners Are “Technical Virgins”

Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick.

–6th Ave & W 11th St

Overheard by: Matthew

Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: DAISYMAE

Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: Kon

Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me.

–SoHo

Overheard by: seal

Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day!

–38th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Backdoor, Battery Park, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Facebook, Girls, Guys, Lube, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Relationships, Soho, Strangers, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Mrs. Claus Means Business.

Guy: What if I shave?
British chick: Then we're going to have a problem!

–New York Film Academy, Union Square

Posted on May 21, 2010
Body Parts, Brits, College, Girls, Guys, Physical appearance, Questions, Union Square and East Village

No More Sociable Guys for Me

Ditzy but slightly nerdy girl to bored guy: His idea of free time was spending it with people.
Bored guy: Yeah…
Ditzy girl: But my idea of free time is, like, books…

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: maremare

Posted on May 18, 2010
Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Nerds, Park Slope, Time

Air Things Out?

Blonde chick: So who do you work for?
Guy: I'm a federal air marshal.
Blonde chick: So, um, are you like working? What do you guys do?

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on May 17, 2010
Airports, At the Airport, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, LaGuardia Airport, Questions

Or, at Least, It Does When You're Stoned.

Guy: Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Girl: Huh?
Guy: It means “do you speak Dutch”?
Girl: Ohhhhhh.

–Outside McSorley's Tavern, East Village

Overheard by: bildita

Posted on May 15, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Girls, Guys, Language Barrier, Languages, Questions, Union Square and East Village

You're Both Wrong!

Guy#1, about girl who has just fallen from her bicycle: She has a concussion.
Guy#2: No, she's still breathing.

–West Drive, Central Park

Overheard by: John

Posted on May 13, 2010
Accidents, Central Park, Guys, Health and Hygiene

…And, Speaking Of Which, I Need to Mug You Now.

Guy #1, watching man bleeding on pavement: Dude, we should help that guy.
Guy #2: Forgetaboutit.
Guy #1: Ha! You're so right! I love New York.

–Queens

Posted on May 13, 2010
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Blood & bleeding, Guys, Only in New York, Queens

Night-Night, Wednesday-One-Liner Tight!

20-something girl: I mean, I can always sleep on top of him.

–Strawberry's, Queens Centre Mall

Overheard by: i like that option…

Man to friend: I keep having dreams about being with other women, and I've never had them before. I think it must be the time of year or something.

–Hudson River Park

Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ecstasy while I was sleeping…

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Guy on cell: That's awesome! (pause) That's awesome! (pause) Dude, that's like reverse Sleepaway Camp!

–27th & 2nd

Overheard by: liz

Nurse: I just want to stop having dreams of him saying "pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…"

–Columbia University

Overheard by: p y l

Posted on May 12, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dreams, Drugs, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Malls, Men, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nurses, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Queens, Sexuality, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Words

In That It's Not New York?

Guy #1: So are you from Canada?
Guy #2: No, New Jersey… It's kind of like Canada.

–112th St & Broadway

Posted on May 9, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Global Geography, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights

You're a Lot Of Fucking Work, Jason

Guy #1: I don't think you're retarded, you're just a douche.
Guy #2: Wait, but you say I'm retarded all the time!
Guy #3: You're just retarded in some ways.
Guy #2: I really don't think you're underestimating me enough.

–Elevator, Weinstein Hall, NYU

Posted on May 9, 2010
Elevators, Guys, Insults, NYU, Retardation