Guy: Dude…did I ever tell you about that time I died?
Friend: What?
–Union Square
Guy: Dude…did I ever tell you about that time I died?
Friend: What?
–Union Square
Dude #1: We should have stayed in Midtown.
Dude #2: Why? All you can do there is buy socks and drugs.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Alisa!
Guido: I love these jeans. They’re so comfy-womfy.
–R train, Court St
Teen girl: Tissues are so overrated. That’s what long-sleeved shirts are for. That’s why no one wears short-sleeved shirts!
–TGIFriday, 42nd St
Conductor: Down coats are very poofy. Please pull them in from the doors.
–Crowded F train
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Puking guy, using hat to catch his vomit: I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to wear this hat again. It was a good hat.
–A train
Overheard by: Joseph
Teen girl, about gift for boyfriend: Can you imagine me getting him a sweater that’s too small and going, ‘Oh, it’s too small? I’ll take it!’
–R train
Chick: She was a tasteful goth… but she was wearing a cape.
–4th & Lafayette
Swedish guy: Last night I burped so loud I think I’m sure I woke everyone up in the apartment.
American guy: That’s kind of like when I took that noisy dump.
Swedish guy: Ew!
–Times Square
Chick: Since we broke up you’ve been smoking a lot.
Guy: Yeah…
Chick: You shouldn’t smoke.
Guy: You shouldn’t suck so much dick but you don’t hear me criticize you five times a day.
Chick: [Mouth wide open in shock.]Guy: To start you should try closing your mouth!
–B Train
Overheard by: another now single smoker
Frat dude to girlfriend, after 20 minutes of drunken heavy petting: So, are we gonna have some anal sex tonight?!
Drunk chick: I don't…really do that.
–D Train
Black dude on cell: So I got her pregnant. And she wanted me to care and shit, and I was like, ‘I’m a street nigga!’ And you know what I’m sayin’, ’cause you’re one, too. I didn’t want to be a father. I even told my son, straight-up! She was some nasty shit — all mugly in the face; body all fucked-up. But yeah, I was lacing that shit all the way through 1982! Okay, peace out, man.
–E train
Dude: Yeah, I think I have this disease where I can’t remember people’s names.
Chick: You mean AIDS?
–The Big Easy, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Theresa
Punk girl: He doesn’t look Jewish.
Punk boy: He’s not, he’s Catholic… A real pope-fucker.
–Rivington & Ludlow
Guy #1: Hey, what did you do this weekend?
Guy #2: Dude, I bought a crock pot.
Guy #1: Awesome.
–80 Hansen Pl, Brookyln
