Guys

A scruffy guy is on his cell in an otherwise silent internet cafe. His thoughts: No…it’s not in the heart of the city…it’s like the artery.

You remember that postcard of New York I sent you for your birthday? I think you can see my building if you look closely…well you know the best pictures of it are in books, and I love you guys, you’re my family, but I’m not about to spend $15 on one of those books.

Yeah…I came up with this great analogy yesterday. I said, “If you know little math problems and little words, you’ll make a little money, but if you know big problems and big words, you get lotsa money!…I know, I know, I think they got it!

Yeah, well you know 80% of the people I work with are spanish…its not like that in Spokane…so everything here revolves around them…but you know what? The other day one of the girls came up to me and said, “Everyone thinks you’re such a nice guy”. That was so nice; I wasn’t even trying…I didn’t know they thought that…see I apply all the stuff you taught me and incorporate it into my lifestyle.

–Internet cafe, E. 33rd between 5th and Madison

Scary Punk Teenage Girl: Have you heard of this play Medea?
Not-so-scary Punk Teenage Guy: Yeah, that’s a good play. Have you heard of Arthur Miller?
Scary Punk Teenage Girl: Who?
Not-so-scary Punk Teenage Guy: Arthur Miller. He wrote Death of a Salesman.
Scary Punk Teenage Girl: No.
Not-so-scary Punk Teenage Guy: Oh, he died last week. He was 89.
Scary Punk Teenage Girl: Wow, that’s terrible. I didn’t even know that and I deliver newspapers.

–They Might Be Giants in-store, Border’s, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Monica

Guy on cell: …no, not her. A new chick…Yeah, man, yeah. You know me; I’m anally ambitious. I’m gonna be in her like a gerbil.

–M72 bus

Overheard by: Alexandra

Man #1: So did you get the golden ticket?
Man #2: The what?
Man #1: The golden ticket to the chocolate factory, did you get it?
Man #2: What?
Man #1: Anal! Did you hit her up the butt?
Man #2: Oh! Ha ha…yeah, finally.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Marco Formosa

Guy: Yeah, well, I am going to give her a Valentine’s foot in the ass!

–110th bet. Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Elena Santogade

A jazz singer was playing his set, and a girl yelled out her phone number. He yelled back: I ain’t gay, but it’s worth a shot.

–55 Bar, Christopher St.

Overheard by: Tyler Shields

Girl: So then I asked everyone, “Who’s ever had anal?” and then he turned around…

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

Girl: Cattle? Who said anything about cattle? Now chickens…they’re fun to molest sometimes.

–Fort Greene

Hippiechick: You can’t hug your child with nuclear arms.

–F Train

Overheard by: Erica Bergin

Guy: …it’s like…you can’t hug your child with nuclear arms!

–Bubba Gump’s, Times Square

20-something woman on cell: Did I tell you mom got into a fight with a raccoon again? (pause) Yeah, I know, our mom is totally going to die of rabies.

–Starbucks, West Village

Overheard by: Vaccinated for rabies

Guy to another: Flap your wings baby, just flap your wings!

–Broadway

Woman, shouting at no one in particular: You know I'm unstoppable! I'm like an ox!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

NYU girl: My mother was like, "what would you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" and I was like, "what wouldn't you do with a giant inflatable turkey?"

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Mickey

Guy #1: Wow, [title of show] was awesome. I thought it was super inspirational.
Guy #2: Yeah, the girl-on-girl action was pretty sweet.
Guy #1: And they even had four chairs and a keyboard. How much better does it get?

–Times Square

Overheard by: WonderWoman

Guy, about Empire State Building: Yeah, and for Valentine's Day they put a heart on it.
Visiting Australian woman: A what? A hard-on?

–Rooftop, Watching 4th of July Fireworks

Overheard by: i saw one of those on a building once…