Wednesday One-Liners Hope the Building Doesn’t Go Condo

Father to young son: We’ll get an apartment in Kentucky. Then you’ll only have to go to school through 6th grade."

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Dashing Dan

Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apartment broker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.

–21st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Guy: Well, my week has been interesting. Last month Meredith tried to sublet my apartment right out from under me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fiancé– a receipt from when she got an abortion last summer.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: ED

Reasonable cop: Even though it’s a stinkin friggin apartment, he’s got a place to put his ugly fuckin head.

–Dunkin Donuts, Woodside, Queens

Twink #1 to twink #2: I believe in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apartment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.

–50th St & 9th Ave

Conductor on very crowded F train: Those of you with very small apartments will appreciate them now.

–F Train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Posted on September 11, 2021
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Education, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Jews, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Subway conductors, Trains Not Subway, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

Isn’t That a Go-Go-Gadget Dildo Hat?

Guy #1: Hey, that girl’s pretty cute.
Guy #2: Yeah, except the hat is kind of Inspector Gadget.
Guy #1: Yeah, or Peter Sellers. She’s got kind of a Peter Sellers look going on.
Guy #2: “I love the way you look like Peter Sellers… but hot.”

–6 Train

Posted on September 6, 2021
About Celebrities, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Guys, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, TV

I'll Give You Five Back If You Let Me Graze a Nip

Aspiring rapper: Hey guys, 'sup? Would you care to help a struggling rapper by buying my CD for $20?
Guy: Uh… I don't really want your album for $20.
Aspiring rapper: Could you hug me for $10 then?

–Times Square

Posted on September 4, 2021
Business and Commerce, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, Times Square

His Leash Is Plaid.

Really loud guy: That guy is so her bitch!
Friend: How do you know?
Really loud guy: He's wearing plaid.

–Central Park

Posted on August 31, 2021
Central Park, Clothing, Friends, Guys, Insults, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser

20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: mtrainetiquette

Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days.

–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!

–111 & Broadway

Posted on August 24, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dildos and Vibrators, Drunks, Facebook, Fashion, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog owner to another: Dogs are funny. They're like little retarded kids.

–Tompkins Square Park Dog Run

Guy on cell: She went from Debbie downer to Debbie Down Syndrome.

–62nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Timo Lipping

Dad: I thought she would like Carolina, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, "I liked the schools… But everyone there seemed slightly retarded."

–W 54th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Johnny V.

Southern woman who just ran NYC marathon to Southern friend: Well, we can't have a baby now because it would be retarded… because I'm 35, you know?

–Becco Restaurant, Theater District

Overheard by: mersayseh

Posted on August 12, 2021
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Education, Friends, Guys, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Restaurants & Cafes, Retardation, Southerners, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners

Emergency Rooms Are That Quick?

Guy: So I bought the shady chicken…
Girl: The street meat?
Guy: Yeah. You only have to wait on line for, like, two seconds.

–Elevator, State Street Plaza

Posted on August 12, 2021
Elevators, Girls, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Slang: The Right Way and the Wrong Ways

Lady #1: Look at all these kids! I feel so old…I can’t date in this city any more.
Lady #2: Are you kidding? Listen, honey, let me tell you…I just finished my starter marriage, and I’ve been dating like crazy!

–6 train

Overheard by: BBW

Girl #1: Look at my new ring! Isn’t it shiny and big?
Girl #2: Omigod. When did you get it?
Girl #1: Yesterday, my manlover gave it to me.
Girl #2: “Manlover”?
Girl #1: Yeah, he’s not a boy or my friend, hence manlover.

–F train

Overheard by: fridayweasel

Black chick #1: I told her to keep her badussy hands off my sandwich
Black chick #2: “Badussy”?
Black chick #1: Yeah, It’s like butt and pussy.

–Union Square

Guy: No, I mean I could but it’s not going to change the fact that he did it and he’s probably just going to do it again at some point.
Girl: But you could still gain the satisfaction of telling him he’s a bitch-ho.

–6 train

Girl #1: I’m on the brown; it stinks.
Girl #2: Brown?
Girl #1: You know, when your period is ending.

–Q train

Posted on July 26, 2021
Age/Aging, Black People, Dating, Food, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, On the Subway, Union Square and East Village, Women

Is This the One Where She Wears a Hat Made of Fruit?

[Just before the curtain rises on the opera Carmen.]Guy: Do you know the show?
Girl: Uh-uh.
Guy: It’s sooo sad. Like Rent.
Girl: Oooh. Wow.

–The Met

Posted on July 25, 2021
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Music, Pop Culture, Questions, Theater

Ten Bucks Says He Asks Her Out Before They Get to Their Floor

Ugly guy: Yeah, we broke up because it just didn’t work out between us. We had too many differences.
Pretty girl: I’m sorry to hear that. How long has it been?
Ugly guy: Years, so I’m over it. Well, we were swingers so it got complicated. Well, – I was a swinger. She wasn’t.
Pretty girl: Ummm… (stares at wall) Great elevator conversation!

–Elevator, Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway

Posted on July 24, 2021
Breaking Up, Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Default, Elevators, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness

Guys