Gyms

Wednesday One-Liners for Diane Keaton

Straight guy in hot pink underwear: Yeah, I've fallen asleep in deer stands, and all kinds of weird places.

–Gold's Gym, 54th St

Overheard by: Johnny V

Girl on cell: His hair is wiry and weird. He had a party and sold raffle tickets, the winner got to restyle his hair. He's weird.

–1 Train

Overheard by: whirlygirlie518

White teen girl to friends: No, no, no! I told you guys, if I marry a Japanese, then there's all that weird sex stuff. I'm marrying Korean. They're adorable, and don't have that weird communism thing the Chinese do.

–Chinatown

Girl from Nashville on cell: They serve like weird pasta here with weird vegetables and weird meat. My favorite meal here is breakfast. I am so ready to go home!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: D-Law

How Was There Pussy Talk at Barton?

Guy: I’m tellin’ ya, if a girl’s bathroom is dirty, that means that
her pussy ain’t too clean, too.
Girl #1: Well, I have a clean bathroom.
Girl #2: Well, I’d be surprised if you said you have a dirty bathroom
after this conversation.

–David Barton gym, West 23rd Street

There Are Two Types Of Girls in This World…

Perky trainer: Before we start the class, is there anyone with any injuries that I need to be aware of?
Chubby girl who smells vaguely of cigarettes: Does a hangover count?

–Equinox Gym, Upper West Side

Overheard by: Ladle

The Word’s Out on The Bucket List

Woman #1: How are your girls?
Woman #2: They’re good. My four-year-old said something “sucked” the other day -that was fun.

–Crunch Gym, 38th St

Overheard by: Maggie

I Got Their Phone Numbers, Though

College boy #1: So, I went to this comedy club last night to see some friend’s routine..
College boy #2: Yeah?
College boy #1: Yeah. They were pretty good, but these girls also did a routine, and girls are never funny. And these girls were fat, too, so there was just really no upside to it.
College boy #2: Right.

–Dodge Fitness Center, Columbia University

Oh, Sorry! I’ll Just Go Fuck Myself Now

30-ish white lady: You’re doing push-ups?
20-ish Asian girl, taking off headphones: Yes…
30-ish white lady: Why?
20-ish Asian girl: Um…
30-ish white lady: Do you do karate or Tae Kwon Do?
20-ish Asian girl: No…
30-ish white lady: But you’re Asian.
20-ish Asian girl: Yeah…
30-ish white lady: Why don’t you do Asian sports?
20-ish Asian girl: What?!
30-ish white lady: Have you always stuck with American sports or have you ever tried anything Asian?
20-ish Asian girl: What?
30-ish white lady: Where are you from?
20-ish Asian girl: Manhattan. [Puts headphones back on.]

–New York Sports Club, Crowne Plaza

Just Practicing for a Future Prison Sentence

Meathead #1: Dude, you saw Mitzo was found “Not Guilty” of child molestation, right?
Meathead #2: Yeah I did. Have you talked to him?
Meathead #1: Yeah, we were doing high-fives over some little girl’s back while we sodomized her.

–Victor’s Gym, Sherman Avenue

Overheard by: jermaine propane

Paris, Is That You?

Guy: So how come you were late today?
Girl: I really had to take a dump, otherwise my downward-facing dog was gonna be a non-housebroken one.

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Daniel Motta

Wednesday Off-the-Rack-Liners

20-something man on cell: I just bought another Transformers t-shirt. That means I am one Transformers t-shirt away from being able to only wear Transformers t-shirts.

–9th Ave & 45th St

Overheard by: Serena

Male art teacher: What's wrong with chiffon? If I were home right now, I would be wearing chiffon.

–Hunter College High School

Bar owner to college kid wearing suit: Look atchu all dressed up. What, are you goin' on a game show or somethin?

–Citi Bar

Overheard by: Lulu

20-something girl on cell: You should've known when you liked his clothes that he was going to be overly emotional. No one who dresses that good can hold it all together.

–Locker Room, Crunch Gym

Guy to group of friends: Yeah, so I said to him, "Mike, it's a problem when you wearin' the same clothes as your daughter.'"

–5th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Sue

There Should Be an IQ Prerequisite for Adultery

Man #1 spotting bench pressing Man #2: So, how’s the wifey?
Man #2: Oh, man, things aren’t good.
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: Her phone went dead so she borrowed mine. It was loud at the bar, so she went into the bathroom… She read my text messages. I had been texting some girl I hooked up with.
Man #1: Delete! Dude, delete!
Man #2: I know, but I even had her under a code name, ‘Rubes,’ because I met her through Ruben!

–Gym, Midtown

Overheard by: SwrrlGurll

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