Store clerk #1: Our manager is a B-I-C-T-C-H.
Store clerk #2: Yeah, because our customers can’t spell or anything…
–H&M, 34th St
Cashier: Do you want some hot sauce?
TV junkie, loudly: What?!
Cashier: Do you want some hot sauce?
TV junkie: Yeah!
Cashier, handing over hot sauce: Have a nice day.
TV junkie: Ohhh-kay!
Cashier, under breath: Douchebag.
–Taco Bell, Roosevelt & Main St
Woman on Bluetooth: How’s the weather like in your New York?
–33rd & Broadway
Old lady: Geez! Man! It is really cold here! [Looks at other lady] This is why I live in Brooklyn!
–96th & Broadway
Brit tourist to another: Eeee, I knew it were gonna be cold, but I forgot we’d have to, like, go outside.
–Central Park
Overheard by: birdw0rks
Chick on cell: Why can’t you pick me up, Dad? … I don’t want to wait for the bus — it’s too cold out… Okay, thanks. See you later. [Hangs up phone.] Asshole.
–Bronx-bound 4 train
Overheard by: Sternie
Queer hipster: It’s gonna be cold this weekend. Like, negative four or negative zero.
–Essex Restaurant, LES
Pilot: Welcome aboard our plane this afternoon, with direct service to Atlanta. The current weather in Atlanta is actually colder than it is here, so it sucks to be you.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: jaybrrd
JAP getting off at Berkeley Heights: I was getting anxious about getting anxious! It was like I had anxiety about getting anxiety! What? No, the pills aren’t for that. Shut up, Mom! I’ll call you later.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: embarrassed to live in jersey
JAP on cell: You know, it just goes to show you how sensitive we’ve become in this country to sexual misconduct and sexual… Sexual… What’s the word? Being sued.
–116th & Broadway
JAP on cell: … And then I totally just, like, bought it at Bergdorf’s… No, no! Not Bloomingdale’s — Bergdorf’s! You know, as in Bergdorf Cohen’s?
–serendipipty
Blonde JAP: Like, this is totally tighter than my colonoscopy. Ugh!
–Crowded A train
JAP on cell: Oh, that guy? I think he lost interest in me. One day I said something about how all the girls on the Upper East Side look the same and are totally boring, and he said, ‘But yeah! That’s you, too!’
–83rd & 3rd
Overheard by: A&M
Bag lady: Please, can someone help me? Call 911…
Cop: You’re talking to a goddamn cop! Are you fucking retarded?
–Times Square
Loud woman: That nigga stupid!
Friend: You right.
Loud woman: Nah, he worse than stupid. That nigga retarded! Re-tar-ded!
Friend: He didn’t even get good grades in college!
–F train
Girl #1: She’s such a fucking bitch.
Girl #2: She’s such a motherfucking bitch.
Girl #1: Yeah, but she’s hot.
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s really fucking hot.
–7th & Ave A
Thug #1: Look at all them people with umbrellas.
Thug #2: They all a bunch of chumps.
Thug #1: The only reason they have umbrellas is peer pressure!
–45th & Lex
Overheard by: EthanK
Female clerk: Do we have Skinny Bitch down here?
Queer clerk: Oh, I don’t know. What does she look like?
Female clerk: It’s a book.
Queer clerk: Oh, we have books here, too.
–Barnes & Noble
Crazy hobo to passing Fordham students: Y’all crazy motherfuckers pay 40 grand a year to get a damn education. Y’all don’t need no education. Pay 40 grand to get me food! Hell, I’ll take four dollars! Look at me — I got no education, and I turned out just fine.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: one of those mothafuckers
Wheelbo: I don’t care what they say, I promise you I’ll pay you back.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: MBS
Hobo: I need money for alcohol, drugs, and a hooker… Hey, at least I’m not bullshitting you.
–35th & 4th
Hobo, as girl nearby drops her Vogue: Oh, no! Somebody dropped their Torah!
–E train
Hobo, to passing suit: Hey, asshole, why don’t you get a job like everyone else, and stop taking my money?!
–34th & 8th
