Girl to male coworker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light?
–Conde Nast, 57th & 8th
Overheard by: Kenzi
Girl to male coworker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light?
–Conde Nast, 57th & 8th
Overheard by: Kenzi
Short Latina #1: You could never be a model.
Short Latina #2, concerned: Why?
Short Latina #1: Your ass is too big.
–5th & 5th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Andrea
Headline by: Gimpy
Runners-Up:
· “America’s Next Bottom Model” – Fierce!
· “At Least I Don’t Have My Head in Mine” – Drewp
· “But I Smell Like Vomit and Cigarettes!” – Ba-Dunka-Dunk
· “I Can Hear Your Thong Screaming For Help” – Darryl S
· “Those Are My Breasts; I Sling Them Over My Shoulders So That I Don’t Kick Them When I Walk.” – E-man – Master of the UNIVERSE
· “What’s That Got to Do with Hand Modelling?” – KJM
Girl: I’ll drink for charity. I mean, I’m gonna be drinking anyway, so sure.
–Spring & Lafayette
Overheard by: Thomas
Chick in Santa suit, on cell: How’s it going? Santa’s sobering up.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo to pigeon walking toward his booze: Get away from that, you alcoholic bitch!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Shanaca
Girl to friend: I’m not drunk, I just like the way it feels on my skin!
–2nd St & Ave B
Chick on cell: … So you were like, ‘I should become an alcoholic.’
–Mulberry & Spring
Grad student, slowly: I followed you down the bedrunkenation path.
–International Affairs building, Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl: My friend wants to get a wheelchair and put a keg on it. He wants to call it ‘handi-tapped.’
–St. Mark’s Pl, between 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Mariah
Guy #1: You said she’s a slut.
Guy #2: Yeah, but I didn’t mean that. You can’t just quote me verbatim!
Guy #1: Wait, what?
Guy #3: Hahaha! How else can he quote you if it’s not verbatim?!
–Columbia University
Cashier: Do you want some hot sauce?
TV junkie, loudly: What?!
Cashier: Do you want some hot sauce?
TV junkie: Yeah!
Cashier, handing over hot sauce: Have a nice day.
TV junkie: Ohhh-kay!
Cashier, under breath: Douchebag.
–Taco Bell, Roosevelt & Main St
Woman on Bluetooth: How’s the weather like in your New York?
–33rd & Broadway
Old lady: Geez! Man! It is really cold here! [Looks at other lady] This is why I live in Brooklyn!
–96th & Broadway
Brit tourist to another: Eeee, I knew it were gonna be cold, but I forgot we’d have to, like, go outside.
–Central Park
Overheard by: birdw0rks
Chick on cell: Why can’t you pick me up, Dad? … I don’t want to wait for the bus — it’s too cold out… Okay, thanks. See you later. [Hangs up phone.] Asshole.
–Bronx-bound 4 train
Overheard by: Sternie
Queer hipster: It’s gonna be cold this weekend. Like, negative four or negative zero.
–Essex Restaurant, LES
Pilot: Welcome aboard our plane this afternoon, with direct service to Atlanta. The current weather in Atlanta is actually colder than it is here, so it sucks to be you.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: jaybrrd
JAP getting off at Berkeley Heights: I was getting anxious about getting anxious! It was like I had anxiety about getting anxiety! What? No, the pills aren’t for that. Shut up, Mom! I’ll call you later.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: embarrassed to live in jersey
JAP on cell: You know, it just goes to show you how sensitive we’ve become in this country to sexual misconduct and sexual… Sexual… What’s the word? Being sued.
–116th & Broadway
JAP on cell: … And then I totally just, like, bought it at Bergdorf’s… No, no! Not Bloomingdale’s — Bergdorf’s! You know, as in Bergdorf Cohen’s?
–serendipipty
Blonde JAP: Like, this is totally tighter than my colonoscopy. Ugh!
–Crowded A train
JAP on cell: Oh, that guy? I think he lost interest in me. One day I said something about how all the girls on the Upper East Side look the same and are totally boring, and he said, ‘But yeah! That’s you, too!’
–83rd & 3rd
Overheard by: A&M
Bag lady: Please, can someone help me? Call 911…
Cop: You’re talking to a goddamn cop! Are you fucking retarded?
–Times Square
Loud woman: That nigga stupid!
Friend: You right.
Loud woman: Nah, he worse than stupid. That nigga retarded! Re-tar-ded!
Friend: He didn’t even get good grades in college!
–F train
