Customer: Maybe you should just quit your job.
Employee: Maybe you should just shut the fuck up!
–PATH train, 125th St
Overheard by: vegannramember
Customer: Maybe you should just quit your job.
Employee: Maybe you should just shut the fuck up!
–PATH train, 125th St
Overheard by: vegannramember
Suit on cell: Yeah, man, I’m so jealous. I mean, my holes have been full for years!
–Times Square
Overheard by: biting my tongue
Suit: I just met you. I can call you an asshole.
–Livingston St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sean McGurr
Suit: Are you listening to me?! The Projects are not natural!
–125th St
Overheard by: Kerry & Bob
Suit: … So then I grabbed the vise-grips and got him by the lips…
–59th & Lex
Overheard by: I really hope he was talking about a fish
Suit on cell: … So he was going to build this underground tunnel to the road from his house. Like, an escape tunnel thing. No, he sold the street-legal side and handles the government contracting. Well, he couldn’t get the zoning for a tunnel, so he’s building a retractable bridge.
–55th & Park
Suit: I hate getting buzzed in the afternoon. It makes me feel like a craven bastard.
–Liberty & Broadway
Overheard by: Mondo Man
Conductor: Attention, everyone, we are not interviewing for train conductors! Stop trying to control the doors — that’s my job. We are, however, seeking passengers. Please enter the train and sit down to be interviewed for that position.
–1 train, 125th St
Overheard by: Jeff McCrum
Clearly intoxicated girl: I decided to go from working to doing a lot of drugs…
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: ADA
20-something: You know, I’m just lucky I have a job at all! I mean, I did go to state school!
–Morton & Hudson
Overheard by: Sam
Emo teen, running taking pictures: See, this is why I got fired from American Apparel — because I would come into work acting like this!
–Vanessa’s Dumplings, E 14th & 3rd
Overheard by: Maggie Elisabeth
Lady on a Bluetooth: Girl, you’ve got CEO dreams with a McDonald’s work ethic.
–W 60th St, between Columbus & Broadway
Loud man to loud friends: It was just him running around getting punched in his codpiece and yelling, ‘You killed my father.’ Yeah, I think he has a new job now.
–109th & Amsterdam
Tourist girl: Oh, crap, is that Rosie O’Donnell over there?! [Whips out phone camera.]Tourist guy: Well, it’s either her, or a 300-pound biker with a bad haircut.
–34th & Broadway
Bimbette #1: Dykes just don’t look good with faux-hawks.
Bimbette #2: Well, I guess it gives them something else to sit on… depending on how much gel they use.
–F train
Overheard by: Philip
Girl #1: Why does she seem so nasty and stressed all the time?
Girl #2: Well, I think it’s because she’s a lesbian by default.
Girl #1: A what?
Girl #2: A lesbian by default. She’s such a bitch that guys don’t want anything to do with her.
–Manhattan Lounge
Overheard by: fpod
Teen girl #1: I really want some sa’mores. We should totally make sa’mores.
Teen girl #2: Sa’mores? It’s ‘s’mores,’ not ‘sa’mores’! Sa’mores! Sa’mores… Yeah… Sa’moron!
–81st & 3rd
Overheard by: i love smores
Dude #1: I can’t believe that random-ass bitch was there.
Dude #2: She was there?
Dude #1: Yeah. Now I have to call her.
–6 train
Overheard by: tricia
Cop: Peace and love, you hear me? Peace and love. Peace and love. Fucking peace and love.
Tourist: I just want to know where track four is…
Cop: Peace and love! Now get the fuck out of my train station!
–Penn Station
Hot blonde: Do they kick in kick boxing?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: haha
Tourist pointing to a church: Is that the Chrysler Building?
–E 10th & Broadway
Little boy, when train jerks to a stop: Did we just hit a deer?
–Manhattan-bound N train
Overheard by: paratactical
Teen tourist: Look, I know you guys have, like, musical theatres on Broadway and stuff, but do you guys have movie theaters?
–Canal & Broadway
Tourist pointing at S train car: This is the bus that will take us to Times Square, right?
–Platform for shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square
Overheard by: the answer is yes, but you’re not right
Young girl on phone: Hells yeah, I walked out of that class! I don’t even get why we still learn about immigration. I mean, who the fuck takes boats here anymore?
–23rd & Lex
