Girl #1: Why does she seem so nasty and stressed all the time?
Girl #2: Well, I think it’s because she’s a lesbian by default.
Girl #1: A what?
Girl #2: A lesbian by default. She’s such a bitch that guys don’t want anything to do with her.
–Manhattan Lounge
Overheard by: fpod
Teen girl #1: I really want some sa’mores. We should totally make sa’mores.
Teen girl #2: Sa’mores? It’s ‘s’mores,’ not ‘sa’mores’! Sa’mores! Sa’mores… Yeah… Sa’moron!
–81st & 3rd
Overheard by: i love smores
Dude #1: I can’t believe that random-ass bitch was there.
Dude #2: She was there?
Dude #1: Yeah. Now I have to call her.
–6 train
Overheard by: tricia
Cop: Peace and love, you hear me? Peace and love. Peace and love. Fucking peace and love.
Tourist: I just want to know where track four is…
Cop: Peace and love! Now get the fuck out of my train station!
–Penn Station
Hot blonde: Do they kick in kick boxing?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: haha
Tourist pointing to a church: Is that the Chrysler Building?
–E 10th & Broadway
Little boy, when train jerks to a stop: Did we just hit a deer?
–Manhattan-bound N train
Overheard by: paratactical
Teen tourist: Look, I know you guys have, like, musical theatres on Broadway and stuff, but do you guys have movie theaters?
–Canal & Broadway
Tourist pointing at S train car: This is the bus that will take us to Times Square, right?
–Platform for shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square
Overheard by: the answer is yes, but you’re not right
Young girl on phone: Hells yeah, I walked out of that class! I don’t even get why we still learn about immigration. I mean, who the fuck takes boats here anymore?
–23rd & Lex
Girl on cell: … That basically means your mother’s a whore.
–WaMu Bank, Staten Island
Overheard by: staten’s most hated
Guy: My mom was yelling at me, and at that moment I became aware of my consciousness. I mean, I really became aware of my being! I was at the top of the stairs, just thinking about the universe. That’s when I knew I really existed.
–Westway Diner
Thug: I’m gonna smack my mother’s monkey!
–Union Square
Overheard by: confabulation Nation
Employee on intercom: Yo’ mama, call extension 319*. Yo’ mama, 319.
–TJ Maxx, 6th Ave
Punk rocker to punk girlfriend: My mother knows what you are.
–11th & 1st
Young boy skipping by elevators, singing: Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back… [Begins stomping] Take that, mother! And that, mother! And that, mother…!
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: SBS
Girl to male coworker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light?
–Conde Nast, 57th & 8th
Overheard by: Kenzi
Short Latina #1: You could never be a model.
Short Latina #2, concerned: Why?
Short Latina #1: Your ass is too big.
–5th & 5th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Andrea
Headline by: Gimpy
Runners-Up:
· “America’s Next Bottom Model” – Fierce!
· “At Least I Don’t Have My Head in Mine” – Drewp
· “But I Smell Like Vomit and Cigarettes!” – Ba-Dunka-Dunk
· “I Can Hear Your Thong Screaming For Help” – Darryl S
· “Those Are My Breasts; I Sling Them Over My Shoulders So That I Don’t Kick Them When I Walk.” – E-man – Master of the UNIVERSE
· “What’s That Got to Do with Hand Modelling?” – KJM
Girl: I’ll drink for charity. I mean, I’m gonna be drinking anyway, so sure.
–Spring & Lafayette
Overheard by: Thomas
Chick in Santa suit, on cell: How’s it going? Santa’s sobering up.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo to pigeon walking toward his booze: Get away from that, you alcoholic bitch!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Shanaca
Girl to friend: I’m not drunk, I just like the way it feels on my skin!
–2nd St & Ave B
Chick on cell: … So you were like, ‘I should become an alcoholic.’
–Mulberry & Spring
Grad student, slowly: I followed you down the bedrunkenation path.
–International Affairs building, Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl: My friend wants to get a wheelchair and put a keg on it. He wants to call it ‘handi-tapped.’
–St. Mark’s Pl, between 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Mariah
Guy #1: You said she’s a slut.
Guy #2: Yeah, but I didn’t mean that. You can’t just quote me verbatim!
Guy #1: Wait, what?
Guy #3: Hahaha! How else can he quote you if it’s not verbatim?!
–Columbia University
