Dude with insane tattoos and piercings: I hope there’s someone sitting in my seat.
Girlfriend with insane tattoos and piercings: Why?
Dude with insane tattoos and piercings: So I can crush his larynx!
–JFK
Overheard by: wrong row, wrong time
Dude with insane tattoos and piercings: I hope there’s someone sitting in my seat.
Girlfriend with insane tattoos and piercings: Why?
Dude with insane tattoos and piercings: So I can crush his larynx!
–JFK
Overheard by: wrong row, wrong time
Ticket agent: Due to recent security restrictions, no one will be allowed onboard with any liquages. No liquages are allowed onboard the aircraft.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Liz
Pilot: Those of you who require wheelchair assistance, please remain seated.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: able to stand
Pilot: Attention, passengers… this is your pilot from the flight deck. We’ve just been given notice that we’re now number two for takeoff, so we should be getting off the ground in just a moment… so if you could all do me a favor and make sure that all your windows are rolled up, because we’re about to go really really fast. Thanks for your patience.
–JFK
Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, the captain will be dimming the cabin lighting for the remainder of the flight in order to enhance the appearance of the person sitting next to you. Individual lights are located above your seats if you wish to read, or look at the person sitting next to you.
–JetBlue
Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m just going to power off the plane for a minute and restart it. Kind of like control-alt-delete on your computer.
–LaGuardia
Flight attendant: Wow, that pilot really doesn’t know how to fly!
–Boarding Gate, Delta Marine Air Terminal
Overheard by: Daniel
Grandpa: Honey, take off your shoes and put them on the belt.
5-Year-Old granddaughter: Me?!
Grandpa: Yes, everyone has to take off their shoes.
Granddaughter: But me?! Really?!
Grandpa: Yes, you too.
Granddaughter: What kind of airport is this?!
–JFK
Girl #1: Yeah, but the more time I spent in New York, the more I realized it's just full of hustlers.
Girl #2, extremely emphatic: Oh, yeah! Everyone I know in New York is a hustler! (long contemplative pause)
Girl #2: 'cept my cousin.
–Jet Blue Plane Taking Off, JFK
Intercom voice: If you heard your name, or something that sounds like it could be your name, please board your plane. It is leaving!
–AirTran gates, LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Security official: Okay, people, have your boarding passes out! If you don’t have your boarding passes out, I’m sending you to Amtrak!
–Security screening line, LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Beth T
Pilot, on crowded runway: Welcome to the parking lot known as LaGuardia Airport.
–LaGuardia Tarmac
Pilot: The mist you are seeing is caused by a difference in temperature. The temperature outside is different from the temperature inside. Once we close the door and prepare for take-off, the mist will disappear, which will make us very sad because we like mist.
–Jetblue flight into New York
Overheard by: Denise
Pilot: Good afternoon, passengers. We are about to make our final descent into John F. Kennedy International Airport, so buckle your seatbelts and hold on tight.
–Flight into JFK
Overheard by: frequent flyer
Sassy flight attendant: In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will be released from the overhead above your seat. After the screaming subsides, please place the oxygen mask around your nose and mouth. If you are traveling with a child or an adult who is acting like a child, place your mask on first before attempting to help put theirs on.
–Flight out of LaGuardia
Overheard by: Ronnie F
Flight attendant: …and for those of you who wish to smoke, quit! And if you want to smoke inside, you came to the wrong state.
–Spirit Air flight into LaGuardia
Overheard by: Kathryn
Older man to African American girl): Where are you from? Ghana?
Girl (astonished): Columbus, Ohio!
–Terminal 2, JFK
Overheard by: Generous Supply
Guy: I don’t think you’re supposed to like being incarcerated.
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: mkb
Middle-aged man on phone: I’m telling you, if I turn myself in now I won’t be in court for six months.
–50th & 8th
Grungy guy to his friend: …Dude, you have no idea how many times I’ve been in this courthouse…
–Giants Parade, in Front of the Courthouse
Overheard by: Julian
Guy on phone: We really got ourselves in some deep shit with this one. I hope he gets out sooner for good behavior. We should have never gotten involved.
–JFK Airport
Woman, yelling in stall: I will read you your Miranda rights, bitch! I will arrest you!
–Port Authority Women’s Bathroom
Overheard by: unsure if she is crazy or on the phone
Cashier on phone: No, you don’t understand, miss. That is perjury. If I do that, I will go to jail… No, you are not listening to me. I would be arrested. I would serve time…[hangs up, turns to customers.] Can I help you?
–Harlem U-Haul
Man on cell: It's a swollen, pus-filled sebaceous cyst…
–Nathan's, West 32nd St
Overheard by: SuzeV
Chick leaving Duane Reade (exposing armpit): Air it out baby, air it out!
–Duane Reade, 14th & 1st
Overheard by: Lillian
Guy to friends: I'm just gonna rub my shit all over her face. All over!
–96th and Broadway
Fat girl on cell: Oh my god, seriously. My mom is *so* nasty whenever we go out to eat somewhere. I'm not kidding. Like, she is *never* happy where we get seated, and she's like, "This silverware is smudgy! This glass has grit in it! The lighting is awful! The tectonic plates of this location are shifting, I demand a patio table!" I try to be as nice as I can to the wait staff to make up for her. Seriously. I've seen waiting. Please don't shave your asscrack hair into my food because my mom was a douchenozzle.
–jet blue terminal, jfk
Overheard by: now questioning my pizza ingredients
Girl on cell: Yeah, you pretty much have the same body functions when you're dead as when you're alive. It's gross, but I love it.
–Mercer b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Threw up in my mouth a little bit
Pilot: We are now arriving in at JFK airport in New York City, home of the Yankees.
Met fan: That's not right…(yelling) What about the Mets?
Pilot: No one cares.
Rest of passengers: (cheering)
–Jet Blue Flight
Baggage handler #1: The flight from Bombay is delayed.
Baggage handler #2: I'll have the Lysol ready to spray them down.
–JFK International Arrivals Terminal 3
