Wednesday 1:00-Liners

Dude, in front of closed Staples: Staples doesn't open until fucking noon? What are we, in a goddamn small town? Noon? Am I supposed to be in fucking church right now? God!

–Meeker St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Simon

Girl on cell: Because I don't function in the world of time so well.

–7th Ave b/w 27th & 28th St

Overheard by: John C

Pilot on PA: JetBlue welcomes you to New York City, where the local time is 1:40… 1:45… Kinda… I think.

–JFK

Law student to another: What time is it in the real world?

–Fordham Law School

Posted on March 12, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Church, Fordham, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Insults, JFK Airport, On Cell, One-liners, Pilots, Questions, Street, Students, Time, Wednesday One-Liners

Si El Avion Se Choca Contra Un Tempano

Man #1: See, there’s the exit, and it says Salida. What the hell’s that?
Man #2: I think it’s Spanish for salad.
Man #1: Why the fuck write that on there?

–JetBlue plane, JFK

Overheard by: beth devlin

Posted on January 8, 2022
Idiots, JFK Airport, Languages, Stupidity, Travel, Words

All Wednesday One-Liners Over Six Ounces Will Be Confiscated

[Plane lands, bounces 20 feet into the air, finally slams back to earth, knocking all the oxygen masks out.]Flight Attendant: Thank you for choosing American Airlines, ladies and gentlemen, obviously we have have landed…

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: M. Smith/Terrified Passenger

Flight Attendant: Chicken or beef? Chicken or beef? … Don’t think about it too long honey, they taste like cardboard.

–United Flight

Flight Attendant: We have two lavatories in the back of the plane and one in the front. Please use them.

–LaGuardia Airport

Pilot: Remember, there are 50 ways to leave your lover, but only 8 ways out of this aircraft.

–JFK Runway

Overheard by: cms

Pilot, after an unusually smooth landing: God damn, that landin’ was butta!

–Jet Blue JFK

Posted on November 27, 2021
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Etiquette, Flight Attendants, Food, JFK Airport, LaGuardia Airport, Offers and requests, Pilots, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Words

Ummm, I’m the Pilot

Wife: Honey, she’s the waitress.
Annoyed husband: She is not the waitress.
Wife: Yes, she is.
Annoyed husband: She’s the stewardess.

–JetBlue, JFK

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Posted on July 26, 2021
Couples, JFK Airport, Words

I Think I Saw This on an Episode of Sliders

Hip girl: What’s up with that airline?
Friend: What do you mean?
Hip girl: The flight attendants were all straight men.

–JFK

Overheard by: A random

Posted on June 2, 2021
Girls, JFK Airport, Questions

If It Were Up to Me, We Would've “Accidentally” Left Them Home Alone

Flight attendant: In case of an emergency, please place the oxygen mask on yourself first. You may then help your favorite child or the one with the most potential.
Well dressed father: Which one would that be?
Bored mother: Neither.

–JFK

Overheard by: Glad my kids weren't with me

Posted on March 12, 2021
Advice, Airports, Dads, Flight Attendants, JFK Airport, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions

At Least I'm Not Adopted

Little girl, in very loud voice: Mommy, how old are you?
Older woman: Twenty-two.
Little girl: No, you're not! You're like fifty something!

–JFK

Posted on February 16, 2021
Age/Aging, Airports, JFK Airport, Kids, Lies, Moms, Parents, Should've Used a Condom

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th

Overheard by: Rebecca

Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock!

–Baggage Claim, JFK

Overheard by: Kimmie

Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning!

–Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Stacy

Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory.

–East Side Community High School

Posted on October 6, 2020
9 to 5-ers, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Classroom, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Football, Gays and Lesbians, JFK Airport, Movies, Names, One-liners, Shopping, Store, Stuyvesant, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Maybe We Should Start Numbering the Ceilings Instead

Chick: Why is level two on the third floor? Why isn’t there a ‘Floor Two’?
Guy: I dunno, hon.
Chick: Isn’t that weird, though?
Guy, as elevator goes up halfway: I think this is the second floor. It’s a secret level.

–AirTrain elevator, JFK

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Posted on June 20, 2020
Girls, Guys, JFK Airport, Questions

JFK Airport