Killing Me Softly with His Wednesday One-Liner

Excited man on cell: Hey! Did you hear who died? Amanda's pretend husband died!

–N Train

Overheard by: Tophs

20-something woman to friend: Well, I wanna kill her and she wants to kill me, 'cause I took her husband.

–R Train

Overheard by: Tara

20-something hipster girl: I am a nihilist! Watch me die.

–Waverly & Mercer

Asian guy to white girl: All children are born evil. If they had the strength of an adult during childhood, they would kill someone just to get a lollipop.

–Queens College

Woman on cell: Okay! I get it. She's not a good person. Just kill her.

–Canal St & Laffaette St

Overheard by: Kay

Conductor: You're all gonna die! I'm your worst nightmare! Ahahahaha!

–C Train

Overheard by: P-Diddy

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Conductors, Death, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Kids, Marriage, Men, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queens, Queens College, Soho, Stupidity, Threats, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Grow Up Faster in the City

Little girl to woman walking by: Oh, look–another person, sooooo interesting. It's not like we haven't seen enough of those today.

–D'Agnostino's, Greenwich & Barrow

Overheard by: Margo

Boy walking in church to mom: And when we walk in we'll hear Gregorian chants.

–Trinity Church

Four-year-old boy, after plane's smooth landing: Whoa, that was solid!

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: jen

Kid at birthday party: I thought they were feeding us ice cream, not shit!

–McDonald's, Bayside

Adorable child having a temper tantrum: I don't want to walk, I want to go in the stroller!
(mother ignores him) I'm melting… I'm meeelllting!

–New York Transit Museum

Overheard by: NatalyaPetrovna

Posted on February 25, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Church, Compare/Contrast, Food, Glad the Condom Broke, JFK Airport, Kids, Moms, More museums, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Yet You Won't Even Obey the White Man When It's Time to Cross the Street?

White woman with two kids: Oh my god! Look! These lollipops are designed to look like the faces of little white children!
Asian woman: Yeah–they're made of molded chocolate.
White woman: I love Asian grocery stores!
White woman's kid: Mommy, mommy! Can I have it? I want to eat the white child!

–New Kam Man, Canal St

Overheard by: office peon can be wary of white people

Posted on February 24, 2009
Asians, Body Parts, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Race, Should've Used a Condom, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

I Know the Kabuki Makeup Doesn't Help, But I Got Bored.

Black nanny #1 to another, about white baby in her care: Her mother tells me to put sunscreen on her, but she's so damn white.
Black nanny #2: I know, nigger looks like Casper.

–Battery Park Playground

Overheard by: Ana O

Posted on February 24, 2009
Black People, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Kids, Parks, Race, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Here's Yours, Quasimodo

Child: Do I get a cupcake too?
Mother, to group of small children: You all get a cupcake, no matter how horrible you are!

–Lincoln Square

Overheard by: Bee

Posted on February 23, 2009
Beauty, Comebacks, Food, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

She'll Change Her Tune When She Realizes They're in the Bronx

Mother to seven-year-old daughter: We take the A to 168th Street and then the 1 to 231st.
Daughter: Ah! Don't you just love travel!

–Uptown A Train

Posted on February 22, 2009
Directions, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Travel

He Used to Play for the Knicks, Right?

Little boy, pointing at Obama poster: Look, mommy it's Will Smith!
Mother: No, honey, that's not Will Smith. That's…uhmmmm… (to husband) What the fuck was his name again?

–Columbia University

Posted on February 21, 2009
About Celebrities, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Dads, Insults, Kids, Moms, Names, President, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity

Remember What We Had to Do with Grandma When She Kept Demanding Her Pills?

Screaming child: I want ice cream and I want it now! Now! Now! Mom, get me ice cream!
Mother, calmly: Darling. While I love you deeply, I would really like to shove your behavior in the middle of the street to be run over by a bus. Understand?

–Central Park

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on February 20, 2009
Ass, Central Park, Food, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom, Threats, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Even Better

Upper East Side mom: Jackie, you have so many friends! I'm so happy for you!
Six-year-old girl: Mommy, those aren't my friends. Those are my entourage.

–92nd & Madison

Overheard by: LLOYD!!!

Posted on February 17, 2009
Friendship, Happiness, Kids, Moms, Should've Used a Condom, Upper East Side

Kids