Kids

Juvenile Wednesday One-Liners

Second grader: Earth is the greatest planet in the whole world!

–125th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Yes, I’m his teacher.

Little boy to younger brother in elevator: Stop! It’s like the hospital, you can’t touch anything!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: student

Little girl: Big Brother is watching!

–Franklin St & Church St

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Little boy: Yo, digit, you don’t get any pussy, how you gonna say she ugly?

–Corsa Ave, the Bronx

Overheard by: Edward Carney

Little girl to other little girl wearing school uniform: You look like a woman. Go change!

–116th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Ken Yapelli

Little girl: Excuse me, where is the drugstore? I mean, where are the drugs?

–Duane Reade, 7th Ave & Flatbush

Overheard by: Cupcake

Little boy: I can’t wait to get home so I can scratch my crotch!

–6th Ave & 17th St

Kids Test You, All Right

Little boy: Where are we going?
Mom: Don’t you know where we’re going? Don’t you?
Little boy: Yeah! I’m just testing you! I’m just testing you!

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Helen V.

Dad Won’t Even Let Me Wear Little Shorts and Talk Funny

Old woman: Did you just come from school?
Little girl: No.
Dad: We just came from the zoo.
Old woman: Oh, the zoo! Did you like it? Did you hear about that crocodile hunter? I thought that was just awful. Playing with crocodiles and all, you don’t do that, do you?
Little girl: No.

–Downtown 6 train

Overheard by: katie caroline

Then Dad Told Him the Story of the Sword in Sharon Stone

Little boy: I didn’t bring my sword!
Father: Why not?
Little boy: It’s not big enough.
Father: Son, size doesn’t matter.

–Medieval Festival, Fort Tryon Park

Overheard by: Mikeyg

No, Universal Affirmatives Can Only Be Partially Converted

Black kid, pointing to a Hasidic Jewish man: Yo, check out the Amish dude!
Mother: He ain’t Amish, they wear straw hats.
Black kid: But he’s got a beard. Amish guys got beards. So he’s Amish.

–Uptown 4 train

Overheard by: jewish girl

Enslaving Africans Gives Me the Munchies

Suit #1: That’s how we can get people to join us on the safari! We’ll say, ‘come on our safari and bring back your own little Namibian!’
Suit #2: That reminds me, do you have the M&Ms?

–57th St & 7th Ave

The Terms of His Parole Require All the Residents of Manhattan to Hit Him

Hispanic thug #1: You have to hit a kid to teach him respect.
Hispanic thug #2: That doesn’t work
Hispanic thug #1: Sure it does, remember when I stole that stuff when I was younger and dad hit me? That taught me the respect that I needed not to steal
Hispanic thug #2: You still steal.
Hispanic thug #1: Yeah, but not from my family.

–Downtown 4

Too Many Viewings Of ‘Ringu’

8-year-old-kid #1: Hey, do you guys have a page on MySpace?
8-year-old-kid #2: Naw, I’ve never been to MySpace.
8-year-old-kid #3: Yeah, that’s how kids die! They go to MySpace and they die!

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: Emily Jean

Every Woman in the Developing World Begs to Differ

Little girl: So if I don’t take the pill, will I have to have a thousand babies?
Mom: No, that’s not how it works.

–Columbia University

So Mom Required her to Contemplate the Year’s Mistakes

Black 10-year-old girl: Mommy! Mommy! Can I get some ice cream?
Ghetto mom: I ain’t gettin’ you no ice cream. Ain’t no holiday.
Black 10-year-old girl: Is so! It’s the Jewish New Year!

–11th St & Ave C

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