Kids

Good Manners Sometimes Skip Two Generations

Daughter, loudly licking her fingers: Wow! That was great!
Mother: Stop that!
Daughter: What? It was good…
Mother: Stop that! It is not appropriate.
Daughter: Would you lower your voice?!
Mother: No, what you’re doing is disgusting!
Daughter: Please keep your voice down. It’s embarrassing!
Mother: No, not until you stop smacking your lips! Do you do that when you’re out with your friends? They must be embarrassed when you do that.
Daughter: Um, no, we all do it.

–Virgil’s BBQ

Overheard by: trying hard not to laugh

Lucy and Linus Enter the 21st Century

Eight-year-old girl to little brother on bike: Hey, asshole!
Little brother: What? Are you talking to me?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, you're annoying me. You're pissin' me off!

–Central Park

Headline by: KateNonymous

Runners-Up:
· “And on That Day, Young Travis Bickle’s Life Took a Turn” – jlp
· “From the Rarely Seen First Episode Of the Donnie and Marie Show.” – Chris L
· “New Yorkers-in-Training” – Oren K
· “Sesame Street Has REALLY Changed” – Bob
· “When Cindy Mistook Her Dad’s Protein Shake for a Milkshake…” – fox

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Roll Tape, Please

Kid in baggy pants: What do you mean, you’re a virgin?
Kid shooting pool: Dude, I’m totally a virgin.
Kid in baggy pants: Trust me, you’re not a virgin.

–Pool hall near NYU

Overheard by: DJ

Kids Identify Your Buttons and Push Them without Mercy

Little girl in stall: Vagina!
Mother: Shhh!
Little girl: Vagina!
Mother: Shhh!
Little girl: Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!

–Ladies’ room, LaGuardia

Jesus: You Take Three Days Off, and Nobody Lets You Forget It

Small girl: Good people don't give up.
Small boy: Jesus did.

–A Train

Overheard by: sodidbush

So Stay Out of the Forest

Girl #1: I believe in evolution and God.
Boy: What? That’s stupid. You believe that if a monkey walked into a forest he’d walk out as a human?
Girl #2: She doesn’t believe that, idiot. The monkey would have to stay in that forest for, like, 50 years for that to work!

–Elizabeth & Hester St

I’ve Already Eaten Too Many People Today, Sweetie

Six-year-old black girl: Want a cookie?
White woman: No, thanks.
Six-year-old black girl: But they taste like black people and white people! See the chocolate? That’s the black people. See the white cookie? That’s the white people. Yum!

–Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners With Teardrop Tattoos

Tall thug to another: Yo,… I love jail food!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Never had it

Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.

–Atlantic & Smith

Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?

–Q Train

Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy's in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!

–Jackson Heights, Queens

Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny

And Don’t Think You’re Sleeping Inside Tonight

Mom: Nigga, you can have it when you got your own money!
12-year-old son: What you talkin’ about?! That ain’t your money. You bought that shit with food stamps.
Mom: Then you can have it when you get your own food stamps, Nigga!

–117th & Manhattan Ave

For the Next Three Seconds, Anyway.

Mother to noisy, restless son: You know what? As soon as we get home I’m calling your doctor. You’re going back on medication.
Kid, screaming: Nooo! [Spotting boarding passenger] Oh, he has a wrestling shirt! I want a wresting shirt!

–M101 bus

Overheard by: Glad it’s not my kid

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