Mom: So, you’re gay, right?
Son: No, Mom, I’m not gay.
Mom: Yes, you are. I’ve seen your clothes.
Son: All the guys wear these.
Mom: All the gay ones, maybe.
Son: Go away.
Mom: If you were straight, you wouldn’t have cried so much after you were pushed out of my vagina.
Son: Actually, I think that proves my straightness. No straight guy could look at your cunt and not cry.
–6 train
Father: For the last time, God is not the president! They are not the same thing!
Little boy: Okay, so nobody is God.
Father: No, that is not what I said. God looks like different things to different people.
Little boy: I think God looks like… um… happy…
Father: Whatever.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Lori
Son to mom: I have this new kid in my class and the teacher said he is autistic. Where do autistic people come from?
Mom: Autistic chickens, they ate an autistic chicken when he was younger and out he came, out and autistic.
–W Train
Mother: Look! A wedding! They are taking pictures for it.
Son: A girl is marrying a girl?
Mother: No.
Son: Where's the boy?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Dan
Suit #1: No sir, the kids don’t have school off tomorrow. You believe that?
Suit #2: Wait, the Catholic Schools don’t close for the Jewish holidays? You’re kidding me!
–Elevator, Park & 33rd
Overheard by: Nick Jezarian
Nine-year-old boy stocking vegetables: Mommy, why did they make child labor laws?
Mother, hugging son: I don’t know, honey. Maybe because you’re suuuch a sweetie.
–Food Co-Op, Park Slope
Overheard by: such a thing as too much praise
Tourist lady #1: Oh, it’s worth paying the cab fare. I mean, the subway…well, after September 11th it’s just not safe, you know?
Tourist lady #2: You’ve ridden the subway before?
Tourist lady #1: No, it smells weird.
–Hunt Valley bus
Overheard by: Katie Cheek
Prospective girl #1: OK, so tomorrow, let’s all wear our “I Heart NY” t-shirts.
Prospective girl #2: Yeah! And I can wear my Columbia sweatshirt over it!
–Morningside Heights
Toddler: Why is Jack-Jack’s name “Jack-Jack”? Why not regular Jack?
Mom: That’s just a nickname. I think his real name is just plain Jack.
Toddler: Can my nickname be Johann-Johann?
–1 train
Overheard by: Matt G
Person: So how do you get girls, Mr Lynn?
Mr Lynn: I adopt them.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Excellence
Seven-year-old kid #1, playing with spirit stick: Man I feel like I’m five years old again!
Seven-year-old kid #2: Those were the days!
–Exiting Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: MIchelle
Guy: I’ll buy M&Ms.
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: So, what year are you in school, bro?
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: Do you like school? Are you doing well?
Kid selling candy: [Silence.]Guy: Well, when I was your age, I didn’t like school either, but just hang in there. Look at me — I worked hard and got to play college football.
Kid selling candy: Do you want the M&Ms?
–Sheep Meadow
