Wednesday White-Liners

Girl on cell: You raised me around drug addicts, and now they’re the only people I like… I don’t do drugs, I’m just drawn to the addicts!

–28th & Park

Guy: If you rub the gerbil in Vaseline and then dip it in cocaine, it just slips right up there.

–The Village

Chick: That’s what happens when you sniff baking powder — anyone would be shaking…

–LIRR

Overheard by: tanechka

Girl on cell: I know! I really need to stop calling my mom when I’m on coke.

–Waverly & Broadway

Overheard by: Spends 40K To Hear This Shit

Security guard to another: Just keep your eyes peeled, man… That’s the third crack pipe we’ve had in here in two years.

–ABC Carpet & Home store, 18th & Broadway

Overheard by: Shadey

Chick: Well, I was supposed to be a part-time barista, but I was actually a full-time coke-head.

–Sullivan St, Soho

Man to entire train: It’s hard to tolerate you, because you would have been nothing but a drug dealer in the ’80s!

–6 train

Overheard by: xan

Posted on December 7, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cocaine, Drugs, Family Ties, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

“Paris Hilton Becomes Prime Minister”? Please!

Excited am paperman: Am! Get your am!
Disgruntled metro man, quietly to passersby: Metro… Am is full of lies.

–53rd & Lexington

Posted on November 30, 2014
Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, News, Vendors & Street Performers

Plus the Label Says “Goach”

Cracked out gay guy: Girl, I like your coach purse, is it real?
Snotty Upper West Side girl: Yes, it's real.
Cracked out gay guy: Don't lie to me. I'm a fag…I can tell.

–2 Train

Overheard by: cougar

Posted on November 23, 2014
Clothing, Compliments, Girls, Lies, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions

You're a Founding Partner at Ugly, Boring & Badfuck

Guy #1: So we broke up, but it wasn't like she broke up with me because I was ugly or boring or terrible in bed or something, she just said she wasn't ready for a commitment.
Guy #2: Dude, of course that's why she broke up with you!

–6th St & Ave A

Posted on November 17, 2014
Alphabet City, Beauty, Breaking Up, Guys, Lies, Physical appearance

Wednesday One-Liner, -Liner, Pants on Fire!

Guy pedalling rickshaw, on cell: No, I can’t get there. I have no bike right now. No, I’m on the train at the moment.

–34th & Broadway

Man on cell: No, I’m not outside!…I’m in the bank!…I’m in the bank…I’m telling you, I’m in the bank!

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Middle-Eastern dude on cell: Right now I am coming in a taxi cab from JFK Airport…Yes, well, I understand your concern, but you see, I am driving the taxi.

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: math tinder

Posted on November 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Lies, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Someone Should Complain to Her Soup-ervisor

Bag lady: Ladies and gentlemen, my husband and I are homeless. We can’t stay at our shelter during the day so we come on the train to get food. Today we are asking for money so we can do laundry. Anything you can give will help.
Hobo: Why don’t you just admit that you’re gonna buy crack? I’m in the same line of work, don’t believe her.

–N train

Posted on November 8, 2014
Bag ladies, Druggies, Families, Family Ties, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Homeless, Liars, Lies, On the Subway

You Sold Them to the Maid Again, Didn’t You?

Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: I want my pills!
WASPy, harried-looking mother, to staring people: She means her vitamins. Ha, ha.
Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: No, mommy, my piiiiiiiiiiils!

–102nd & Broadway

Overheard by: I Want My Pill Too

Posted on October 2, 2014
Default, Girls, Kids, Lies, Psychology, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People, Wishes & desires

Romance Is Dead, but Wednesday One-Liners Keep on Coming

Guy to girlfriend: Will you just hold my fucking hand?

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: waiting for my prince charming

Guy: You know, I used to think cheating on girls was wrong.

–Whitestone, Queens

Overheard by: Michelle

Young woman, looking at Lolita book jacket: Wow. This kind of reminds me of my relationship.

–Borders, 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: with a K

Man on cell: No, dear, I do not want to hear what you’re doing to yourself right now.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alexandra

Woman, to man she’s just kissed: What was your name again?

–2nd St & 1st Ave

Man on cell: My wife is driving me crazy! She keeps following my girlfriend around! Wait, hold on, I have to take this call. Hello…Yeah I just stepped out of the office for a few minutes… Thanks, honey, you’re the best.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Sara Swank

Girl on cell: He liked me too much, so I fuckin’ dumped him.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: buffalo

Posted on September 29, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Breaking Up, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Gripes, Infidelity, Lies, Marriage, Masturbation, Names, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

They'll Make You the Life of the Party

(looking at the blown up condoms)
Boy: Dad, I don't think those are balloons.
Dad: No, they're balloons.

–Nokia Theatre

Overheard by: Kristina

Posted on September 21, 2014
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Dads, Default, Kids, Lies, Questions, Theater, Times Square

Date Much?

Barnard girl: Yeah, so I'm minoring in African dance…
Guy: Oh.
Barnard girl: And homemaking. You know, knitting an crocheting and stuff…
Guy: Ohh…
Barnard girl: But my major is man-hating. Hardcore man-hating.
Guy: (silence)
Barnard girl: Just kidding. Math. I'm majoring in math.

–Starbucks, 113th & Broadway

Posted on September 11, 2014
Columbia University, Dancing, Education, Girls, Guys, Lies, School and studying, Starbucks, Students, Weirdness

Lies