They Have Stuff Lots of Places

Yuppie chick #1: So, I went to the Museum of Natural History yesterday.
Yuppie chick #2: You wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History?
Yuppie chick #1: Yeah.
Yuppie chick #2: Why?
Yuppie chick #1: ‘Cause they have stuff there.
Yuppie chick #2: You know, I’ve never been to the Museum of Natural History. What kind of stuff do they have there?
Yuppie chick #1: You know, like, natural science stuff… A lot of the stuff there, though, was for little kids.
Yuppie chick #2: Yeah, I wouldn’t go there. Who wants to see natural science stuff?
Yuppie chick #1: Yeah, I mostly thought it was stupid.

–Utopia Diner, 72nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Cultured New Yorker

Posted on April 7, 2015
History & Geography, Idiots, NYC Geography, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Yuppies

36 Chambers of Wednesday One-Liners

Homegirl on cell: You live in Staten Island, that’s too close to the wilderness, near the border. I am not emotionally ready to meet you in Staten Island.

–LIRR

Suit: He’s from Staten Island. That my Graceland.

–53rd & 6th

Overheard by: The Sock

Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Durian? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Staten Island bad!

–G Train

Overheard by: paco

Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]

–Staten Island Ferry

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is South Ferry. From there, you can go to the wonderful Battery Park, go see the beautiful Statue of Liberty… Or go to Staten Island.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Smarlow

Posted on April 3, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Fears, Fruit, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Staten Island Ferry, Statue of Liberty, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Suits, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Would Like Fries With That

Very large man, pointing at a McDonald’s: Where were you last night at 3 a.m. when I was craving you?

–49th & 9th

Man wearing an “I Heart My Heart” shirt, to guy eating fast food: You’re just aching for that heart attack, aren’t you?

–46th & Broadway

Angry burger flipper: Making Big Macs is complex. It’s 2 all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun…And then it gets even more confusing, ’cause people all have their special requests, like no special sauce. And that just throws shit off. The Whopper is so easy. It don’t have shit on us.

–M11 bus

Asian girl, screaming into cell: I said, “Quiero Taco Bell!”

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Kelsey

Foreign tourist to cabbie: How much to go to K…F…C?

–Broadway between 38th & 39th

Overheard by: Gregorio

Posted on March 31, 2015
Anger Management, Asians, Fat People, Food, Foreigners, Health and Hygiene, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On the Bus, One-liners, People, Places, Tourists

Like Oz, or Swaziland

Man: Look, there’s the arch!
Woman: Oh, I didn’t think this place was real!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on March 30, 2015
Default, Men, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Washington Square Park, Women

Is There a Secret Spell Which Causes It to Emerge?

Male European tourist: Excuse me, where can we find the subway?
New Yorker: Which subway do you want?
Female European tourist: The one that is on this corner.

–Broadway & Houston

Posted on March 25, 2015
Directions, Eurotrash, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Questions, Soho, Tourism, Tourists

Like They’re Afraid of a Crime Happening in a Primarily Black Neighborhood or Something

Black teen hipster #1: Why are there so many white people on the 2 train this late at night?
Black teen hipster #2: Please. All these white people are getting off at 96th Street.

Train stops at 96th. The white people leave the train.

Black Teen Hipster #2: Watch ’em all scamper away!

–2 train

Posted on March 15, 2015
Black People, Hipsters, History & Geography, Manhattan, NYC Geography, On the Subway, People, Places, Race, Teens, Topics, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People

Today’s Quote Brought to You by the Letter Q, the Number 3, and a Total Dumbass

Tourist boyfriend: What’s Avenue Q?
Tourist girlfriend: Well, in New York City there’s a place called Alphabet City, and that’s where they have Avenues A through Z.

–Dylan Prime, Tribeca

Overheard by: rebecca marie

Headline by: Jessica Bessica

Runners-Up:
· “And Spamalot Is This City in England.” – SAtCW
· “It’s Basically a Concentration Camp for Puppets” – Mikey G.
· “It’s Right Next to Some Giant Apple” – Kelsey
· “No Tourist Left Behind” – sara
· “Ok, Can You Take Your Hand Out Of My Ass Now?” – sherman

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 24, 2015
Couples, Directions, Headline Contest Winners, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Canadia: Dammit…!

Teenage girl #1: And she was trying to convince me that Florida is north of New York!
Teenage girl #2: Oh my god, some people are so stupid! North of us is like… Delaware!

–Hudson & Gansevoort

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on February 21, 2015
NYC Geography, Stupidity, Teens, U.S. Geography, West Village

We Should Tell Them

Bimbette #1: God, people in Midtown are sooo ugly.
Bimbette #2: Yeah, I know.
Bimbette #1: It’s probably because, like, 85 percent are tourists.
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, I know! Tourists are so ugly.

–Times Square

Posted on February 20, 2015
Beauty, Bimbettes, Default, Gripes, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Times Square

It Was The Bronxstein Until Ellis Island

Teen girl #1: What is the Bronx short for?
Teen girl #2: It’s not short for anything, it’s just the Bronx.
Teen girl #1: Oh, I thought it was short for Brooklyn.
Teen girl #2: Wow.

–6 train

Overheard by: Jen

Posted on February 19, 2015
NYC Geography, On the Subway, Teens

NYC Geography