Tourist: Is that train going to 18th street?
New Yorker: Yes.
Doors close.
New Yorker: But you’re not.
–Union Square Station, 4/5/6 platform
Overheard by: amused MD
Tourist: Is that train going to 18th street?
New Yorker: Yes.
Doors close.
New Yorker: But you’re not.
–Union Square Station, 4/5/6 platform
Overheard by: amused MD
Mom: No, this isn’t our stop.
Small boy: Where are we?
Mom: Christopher Street.
Small boy: Isn’t that where all the gays are?
–PATH train, Christopher St
Overheard by: kris
WASP: Do you know if they’re putting on an express train for the US Open?
Tourist: Um, no, but that’s where I’m going, too.
WASP: I know, that’s why I asked you.
Tourist: How did you know that’s where I’m going?
WASP: Because you’re white. Why else would you be going to Queens?
–7 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Tennis Fan
Fashionista: I’m not ready for a rich man.
–East Village
Woman: Yeah, he’s got money. Like, when Michael Jackson tried to buy the Elephant Man? That kind of money. Giraffe money!
–Uptown 6 train
3-Year-Old: My daddy makes a lot of money so my mommy and me can live the life we want to live.
–Playground, DUMBO
Overheard by: grimrosary
Salesperson: Yeah, so he was like, “That’s what it means to be rich. I can buy whatever makes me and my fiancé happy. I can buy her all the Harry Potter memorabilia that she wants.”
–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Overheard by: LSB
Wall-Street-Intern chick: So, if the weather is bad here in the Hamptons I may just fly to California or South Beach for the weekend. Hopefully nobody at work will need me because I may have to get a flight on Friday morning. You know, I have to do what’s fiscally feasible for me…and by “me”, I mean my parents.
–D train
Overheard by: I hope she reads this, and then dies…
Male customer to deli worker: Do you know where can I get a fake Rolex with counterfeit money?
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: Hobo Hank
Little girl, talking for a teddy bear with a stocking over its head, to another teddy bear: Give me all your money!
–Goodwill
Guy on cell: I don’t know, now she won’t sleep in the bedroom ’cause of the mobster, and she needs a ride to the Hamptons.
–7th & Ave A
Overheard by: Analt
Guy: He’ll be here in another twenty minutes. He’s sleeping in the back of a car.
–74th & 2nd
Overheard by: Wendy
Teenage girl: I know it’s so wrong, but I’m seriously lusting for luxury cars. I just want to lick them. I want to hump those leather seats!
–WTC Path station
Overheard by: Carine
Suburban boy: Oh my God, driving in the city is most fun thing in the entire world!
–Downtown R train
Overheard by: confused
Man: I had a bad night tonight. I stole a car, got two tickets. I shouldn’t-a stole that car.
–Bodega, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Flasteppi
Drunk guy on cell: If you don’t have my money by 12 tomorrow, I’m gonna get your mother’s car and your sister’s car…I still love your sister, too, but you better have my money.
–Union Turnpike-Kew Gardens E/F station
Young woman: Where did all these cars come from? New York doesn’t have cars.
–35th & 5th
Overheard by: Frank & Alex
Man: You know what the tristate area is? New York, New Jersey, and Kentucky.
Woman: What?
–181st & Riverside
Overheard by: Josh H
Female tourist: I don’t get it. This isn’t a square, it’s like… triangular.
Male tourist: No, no, they just call it that because… well… it’s like… a square… a square of people. I don’t know, it has something to do with algebra.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Luke
Woman on cell: When you assume, you make an ass of yourself.
–4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mark
Hipster: Yo, what’s up with Filene’s Basement? That shit’s on the top floor!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Tourist: Is that the Enron building?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Robyn
Tourist to security guard: Are these all originals?
–Impressionist Gallery, the Met
Overheard by: j-diddy
Female tourist: I could never live in Central America because I’d miss the ocean.
–Restaurant bathroom, Little Italy
Overheard by: Olia
Girl looking at subway map: What about that thing, that star–“You are here”? They don’t have that?
–(Moving) uptown 1 train, 59th St
Overheard by: Jo
White hipster girl: Is black semen black?
–86th & Park
Ghetto girl on cell: How you ‘spect me to find you? This map has, like, so many places on it!
–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens
Overheard by: vix
Tourist: But we are in SoHo!
–16th & 6th
Overheard by: Yours Truly
Tourist to MTA agent: Which train do I need to take to get to South Ho?
–W 4th St subway station
Overheard by: Emily
Teenage tourist: Ohmigod…CBGB… BCBG…Whatever. We totally have to go!
–22rd & 5th
Overheard by: zr
Tourist lady, pointing to Liberty Island: There are people over there. Why are there people over there?!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Not quite sure
Jappy tourist: Hey, we’re trying to get back to New York Island; do you know the best way to get to 48th and 8th Avenue?
–2nd St between A & B
Overheard by: Where Am I?
Yuppie tourist: Christina, Christina! Is this Ground Zero?
–5th Ave, outside Plaza Hotel
Overheard by: D
Public transportation aficionada: Excuse me.
Empiricist: Yes?
Public transportation aficionada: I’m looking for Penn Station. I mean Yonkers. Which train will take me to Yonkers?
Empiricist: Ah, maybe none. Yonkers isn’t on the Island.
Public transportation aficionada: Uh-huh. We’ve been looking for a train to take us to Yonkers, but none of these go there.
Empiricist: Yeah. It’s not on the Island.
Public transportation aficionada: What about the 2 train?
Empiricist: Okay, bye.
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
