Teen boy #1: So Charlie puked this morning!
Teen boy #2: What?
Teen boy #1: Yeah! He was so fucking drunk that he puked in the fridge this morning.
Teen boy #2: No shit!
Teen boy #1: Seriously. And fucking Dylan, he fucking sprayed it all over the fucking place. It was fucking nasty, man.
–M86 bus
Overheard by: Ally
Guy: Which one of you woke up late this morning, you or your momma?
Daughter: Oh, my mom.
Mom: No, I didn’t oversleep, I just got caught up doing schoolwork.
Guy: Shoot, do you think Jesus had excuses when he was dying on the cross?
–B67 bus
Hobo: Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl.
Girl he’s staring at: Thank you.
Hobo: Not you! You ain’t pretty!
–Crosstown bus
Geeky boy: So I downloaded this porn the other day and there was a glitch, so when the guy came he was like, ‘Yeah, oh, shit…’ Shit, it was hilarious.
Geeky girl: … Wait, is this a joke?
Geeky boy: Huh? No, it really happened.
Geeky girl, scooting away: God, you’re awkward.
–Bus
Overheard by: nina
Guy #1: You know it’s just a name the real estate agents came up with so they could raise the rents.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Red Hook.
–B61 bus
Overheard by: Becca McLean
Tourist lady #1: Oh, it’s worth paying the cab fare. I mean, the subway…well, after September 11th it’s just not safe, you know?
Tourist lady #2: You’ve ridden the subway before?
Tourist lady #1: No, it smells weird.
–Hunt Valley bus
Overheard by: Katie Cheek
Prospective girl #1: OK, so tomorrow, let’s all wear our “I Heart NY” t-shirts.
Prospective girl #2: Yeah! And I can wear my Columbia sweatshirt over it!
–Morningside Heights
Toddler: Why is Jack-Jack’s name “Jack-Jack”? Why not regular Jack?
Mom: That’s just a nickname. I think his real name is just plain Jack.
Toddler: Can my nickname be Johann-Johann?
–1 train
Overheard by: Matt G
Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck.
–SoHo
Overheard by: kim
Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers.
–2nd Ave & Houston
Overheard by: gypsee
Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs.
–1 Train
Overheard by: oliviz
Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum.
–M14D Bus
Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: rachel
Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand.
–Brother Jimmy's Restaurant
Overheard by: Joe
Woman: You on the buses?
Girl: Yes.
Woman: You can’t trust nobody on buses. ‘Specially when you sleepin’. You know how to hide yo’ money, girl?
Girl: In my pocket?
Woman: No. In yo’ pussy an’ yo’ ass. Ain’t nobody touchin’ yo’ pussy without you noticin’!
–Port Authority
Girl on cell: I don't know what it is with me and virgins. I think I've collected like four virgin scalps.
–Q58 Bus
Overheard by: Tom
Cashier, screaming to friend cashier: But why do you have to tell everyone that he's the guy who popped my cherry?
–72nd & 1st
Overheard by: tomas
Ghetto girl: If you got finger-popped, you ain't no virgin.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Jake M
Teen boy on cell: Of course I don't have any kids! Girl, you know I'm pure–like water in Africa.
–Manhattan Ave & 123rd St.
Overheard by: CreativeBunny
Hispanic girl, loudly to a group of friends : I mean, I'm still a virgin and I have three STDs!
–Ave C
Frantic, screaming child: But I wanna transfer. I wanna transfer!
Calm mother: And where do you wanna transfer to?
Child: Australia.
–crosstown bus, 72nd St
Overheard by: steven
Headline by: woo hoo
Runners-Up:
· “And Try To Get Through Samoa at Rush Hour?” – Greg Costello
· “But It’s Always So Early There” – Kelsey
· “Kangaroos seek 21st century juvies for fun, romance.” – sidruid
· “Kids Say The Crikiest Things!” – josh
· “She drank a lot of Foster’s during pregnancy” – lc
· “This is why you should beat your children” – Adam
· “We Brits would have sent him for free in the old days” – Iain, London
