On the Bus

What Is It About Alt-world Neil Patrick Harris?

40-something woman #1: Look at his little face! Look at his little pink face!
40-something woman #2: Oh. My. God.
40-something woman #1: Look at his little pink face!
40-something woman #2: Isn't he cute?! Look at him!
40-something woman #1: So cute.
40-something woman #2: On my god! I can't believe how cute he is.
40-something woman #1: He is so cute! His little pink face!
40-something woman #2: So cute.
(pause)
40-something woman #1: Isn't he cute?!?!
40-something woman #2: Oh. My. God. So. Fucking. Cute.
40-something woman #1: I love him! He's so cute!
40-something woman #2: So cute.
40-something woman #1: I just can't stand it!

–14D Bus

Poor Guy

Black man yelling at poster of Seal with a Shar-Pei: A black dude and a dog? A black dude and a dog?! Man… That shit is fucked up! Cute white girls like dogs. Black men don’t like cute little dogs! Shiiit.
Chick: He’s married to a white supermodel, you know.

–Bus stop, 82nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Carol

Wednesday One-Liners: Cha-ching!

Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money?

–47th & 5th

Overheard by: Adam Bertocci

Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money!

–M14 bus

Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change!

–14th between 5th & University

Overheard by: theNJl

Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money.

–Starbucks, 27th & Park

Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson

Why Public Schools Rarely Make the Kids Do Geneology Projects

Thug #1, pointing out window: Yo, you see her? That my brother baby mother!
Thug #2: That your baby mother?
Thug #1: Nah, that my baby mother brother! No, wait…

–Q18 bus in Queens

Or His Brides, At Least

Mom: Baby, now if you don’t put your coat on, I’m gonna spank you.
Little girl: No! I will tell Daddy and he will spank you.
Mom: No, baby, he will not. Nobody spanks me but Jesus.

–M101 bus

Overheard by: Lucy Sorensen

Just Take It Back to Sears

Teen boy #1: So Charlie puked this morning!
Teen boy #2: What?
Teen boy #1: Yeah! He was so fucking drunk that he puked in the fridge this morning.
Teen boy #2: No shit!
Teen boy #1: Seriously. And fucking Dylan, he fucking sprayed it all over the fucking place. It was fucking nasty, man.

–M86 bus

Overheard by: Ally

Excuses for Everyone Else, Yeah

Guy: Which one of you woke up late this morning, you or your momma?
Daughter: Oh, my mom.
Mom: No, I didn’t oversleep, I just got caught up doing schoolwork.
Guy: Shoot, do you think Jesus had excuses when he was dying on the cross?

–B67 bus

But I Feel Pretty

Hobo: Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl.
Girl he’s staring at: Thank you.
Hobo: Not you! You ain’t pretty!

–Crosstown bus

Can’t You Just Talk about Klingon Reproduction Like My Other Dates?

Geeky boy: So I downloaded this porn the other day and there was a glitch, so when the guy came he was like, ‘Yeah, oh, shit…’ Shit, it was hilarious.
Geeky girl: … Wait, is this a joke?
Geeky boy: Huh? No, it really happened.
Geeky girl, scooting away: God, you’re awkward.

–Bus

Overheard by: nina

“Blood Hook” Is Not As Catchy

Guy #1: You know it’s just a name the real estate agents came up with so they could raise the rents.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Red Hook.

–B61 bus

Overheard by: Becca McLean

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