Thug #1, pointing out window: Yo, you see her? That my brother baby mother!
Thug #2: That your baby mother?
Thug #1: Nah, that my baby mother brother! No, wait…
–Q18 bus in Queens
Thug #1, pointing out window: Yo, you see her? That my brother baby mother!
Thug #2: That your baby mother?
Thug #1: Nah, that my baby mother brother! No, wait…
–Q18 bus in Queens
Mom: Baby, now if you don’t put your coat on, I’m gonna spank you.
Little girl: No! I will tell Daddy and he will spank you.
Mom: No, baby, he will not. Nobody spanks me but Jesus.
–M101 bus
Overheard by: Lucy Sorensen
Teen boy #1: So Charlie puked this morning!
Teen boy #2: What?
Teen boy #1: Yeah! He was so fucking drunk that he puked in the fridge this morning.
Teen boy #2: No shit!
Teen boy #1: Seriously. And fucking Dylan, he fucking sprayed it all over the fucking place. It was fucking nasty, man.
–M86 bus
Overheard by: Ally
Guy: Which one of you woke up late this morning, you or your momma?
Daughter: Oh, my mom.
Mom: No, I didn’t oversleep, I just got caught up doing schoolwork.
Guy: Shoot, do you think Jesus had excuses when he was dying on the cross?
–B67 bus
Hobo: Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl.
Girl he’s staring at: Thank you.
Hobo: Not you! You ain’t pretty!
–Crosstown bus
Geeky boy: So I downloaded this porn the other day and there was a glitch, so when the guy came he was like, ‘Yeah, oh, shit…’ Shit, it was hilarious.
Geeky girl: … Wait, is this a joke?
Geeky boy: Huh? No, it really happened.
Geeky girl, scooting away: God, you’re awkward.
–Bus
Overheard by: nina
Guy #1: You know it’s just a name the real estate agents came up with so they could raise the rents.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Red Hook.
–B61 bus
Overheard by: Becca McLean
Tourist lady #1: Oh, it’s worth paying the cab fare. I mean, the subway…well, after September 11th it’s just not safe, you know?
Tourist lady #2: You’ve ridden the subway before?
Tourist lady #1: No, it smells weird.
–Hunt Valley bus
Overheard by: Katie Cheek
Prospective girl #1: OK, so tomorrow, let’s all wear our “I Heart NY” t-shirts.
Prospective girl #2: Yeah! And I can wear my Columbia sweatshirt over it!
–Morningside Heights
Toddler: Why is Jack-Jack’s name “Jack-Jack”? Why not regular Jack?
Mom: That’s just a nickname. I think his real name is just plain Jack.
Toddler: Can my nickname be Johann-Johann?
–1 train
Overheard by: Matt G
Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck.
–SoHo
Overheard by: kim
Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers.
–2nd Ave & Houston
Overheard by: gypsee
Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs.
–1 Train
Overheard by: oliviz
Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum.
–M14D Bus
Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: rachel
Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand.
–Brother Jimmy's Restaurant
Overheard by: Joe
Woman: You on the buses?
Girl: Yes.
Woman: You can’t trust nobody on buses. ‘Specially when you sleepin’. You know how to hide yo’ money, girl?
Girl: In my pocket?
Woman: No. In yo’ pussy an’ yo’ ass. Ain’t nobody touchin’ yo’ pussy without you noticin’!
–Port Authority
