Wednesday Drunk-Liners

Tipsy, barefoot woman, lifting skirt in broad daylight: Gotta air out my coochie!

–W 88th St

Belligerent drunk woman: I've never even heard of these fucking stops! (later) Scarsdale! I don't even know how to spell "Scarsdale"! Other than…Scarsdale. (later) What the fuck is Hartsdale? Slap me across the face with a big dick!

–Metro-North Train

Drunk girl to friends sitting on a couch left on the sidewalk: Don't sit on that couch, it's probably covered in bodily urine!

–East Village

Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor

Drunk wife to drunk husband during poker game: Don't you dare tell me about things that I don't understand!

–Poker Game, Astoria

Overheard by: NYCWATERBABY

Drunk girl: Bedford Avenue does not know how to find the clit!

–L Train

Posted on September 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Bitch-slap, Cleanliness, Couples, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Insults, Names, Nudity, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

All High School Sex, in a Nutshell

Woman, earnestly: It's in. It's in.
Man, brightly: It's in!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on September 9, 2014
Men, On the Subway, Sex, Weirdness, Women

I Only Make Obscene Comments About Rector Street

Train conductor: This is Dyckman Street.
Rotten little teenager (somehow getting on loudspeaker): Dyckman Street, yo! Suck my motherfuckin' dick!
(passengers all bewildered)
Train conductor, on next stop: This is 207th Street. Sorry, that was some kid in the back of the train, not me.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile

Posted on September 9, 2014
Conductors, Directions, Insults, On the Subway, Passengers, Penis, Public Transportation, Teens

Talk About Method Acting!

Guy #1: I mean, imagine setting up a car bomb in Times Square, the most populated place in the world and then running away.
Guy #2: Yeah, that's terrible.
Guy #1: I mean, say what you want about suicide bombers, but they give it their all…

–1 Train

Posted on September 8, 2014
Guys, On the Subway, Suicide, Terrorism, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Van Helsing Put His Stake in Her

Girl: Oh god! That woman stinks of garlic.
Guy #1 : What, the one picking her nose?
Guy #2: Maybe she’s trying to dislodge a clove of it or something…
Girl: No, it’s more chest-based. Like she rubbed it all over her breasts.

–F train

Posted on September 7, 2014
Food, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway

I Don't Negotiate With Sexual Terrorists

College boy: Why was sex always a problem between us?
College girl: Well, some people think that sex is negotiable. I don't.

–F Train

Posted on September 7, 2014
Frat Boys, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Sorority Girls

I’m So Fast, They Call Me the Chrysler Building

Two male twins, dressed alike, in their 20s, address two female twins, dressed alike, in their 20s.

Male twins: Hey! Are you twins?! You twins?! That’s great! We’re twins too! Hey, we’re twins too!
Female twins: Mmmhmm.
Male twins: You ain’t twins! You lesbians! She look like she wanna get it on with you! You ain’t twins! Hey, I’m just tryin’ ‘a help ya out! You ain’t twins.
Female twins: [silence] Male twins: I’m just tryin’ a help you out! I have your best interest in mind! You ain’t twins! Look! That one’s that one’s mother!
Female twins: We’re twins. We are the same age.
Male twins: Then how come that one so much older than the other? You ain’t twins! We twins! That’s why we so tall! We the twin towers!

Female twins flee train.

–F train

Posted on September 5, 2014
Brothers, Clothing, Families, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Ground Zero, Guys, Height, On the Subway, People, Places, Questions, Sisters, Topics

Some Of Us Are Strangers in a Familiar Land

Three girls singing in unison: Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-Roma-ma-ah! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!.
Disturbed hobo: Alright there, ladies googoo!

–A Train

Posted on September 5, 2014
Girls, Hobos, On the Subway, Singing, Weirdness

And You’re Thinking of the Amish

Guy #1, about wireless: So, yours isn’t secure?
Guy #2: Nah, I just leave it open because I know no one is trying to use it.
Guy #1: How do you know that?
Guy #2: Are you kidding me? I’ve got nothing but Hasidic Jews living 360 degrees around me.
Guy #1: So…
Guy #2: They don’t use computers!
Guy #1: You’re an asshole.

–B train

Overheard by: Can you say antisemitism?

Posted on September 5, 2014
Guys, Internet, Judaism, On the Subway

On the Subway