Eight-year-old delinquent: Yeah, son, I’m gonna get drunk on eggnog!
Six-year-old brother: I’ma drink me two beers!
Mother: Shut up, yous were all tricked! That was apple cider!
–A train
Overheard by: Hungover Intern
Eight-year-old delinquent: Yeah, son, I’m gonna get drunk on eggnog!
Six-year-old brother: I’ma drink me two beers!
Mother: Shut up, yous were all tricked! That was apple cider!
–A train
Overheard by: Hungover Intern
Fag hag: Nuh-uh! She say yo’ mama old?
Young and fabulous latino: Shiiit. I was like, ‘Don’ even start with me, aiight? My mama had me whe she was 14! She was all like, ‘Uh… Uh…’ pushin’ me outta her pussy like I was hot!’
–6 train
Overheard by: Goofopet
Drunk Yankee fan: Oh, god. I need to get to Tarrytown, and there isn’t even a fucking steering wheel on the goddamn train!
–Train from Penn Station
Overheard by: tourist…
Automated female voice finishes announcing the stop.
Toddler: This is 23rd Street — Union Square! Transfers available to the S, L, N… The S! S, L, and N trains! Stand clear of the closing doors!
–6 train at 23rd St
Overheard by: vic
Woman to daughter: The Subway Lord might come through and kick you off.
–R train
Toddler quivering with fright: Oh, no, Mommy. Oh, no. Oh, dear… Oh, dear… Oh, dear. The train’s coming, Mommy. It’s coming. Oh, dear. Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no no! Mommy! It’s coming, Mommy! Oh, no, Mommy! Mommy! It’s coming. It’s coming! It’s coming, it’s coming! Ahhh!
–6 train station, 77th St
Overheard by: BJ
Black guy opening engineer’s door after 15 minutes of standstill: Yo, move this shit, or I’ll drive it myself!
–Canarsie-bound L train
Woman wedged into middle of packed car: Just another day in paradise.
–1 train, rush hour
Guy #1: Why is it even called ‘Fear Factor‘? It has nothing to do with fear… It’s just gross.
Guy #2: Yeah, really. It should be called ‘Gross-out Factor.’
Guy #1: Think about it. It’s not like people are scared of eating… like… intestines. It’s just gross. People aren’t like, ‘Ahhh, intestines!’
Guy #2: Yeah, it’s not like I wake up in a cold sweat to intestines…
–R train
Rich woman #1: Sodomized? Sodomy?
Rich woman #2: Dahmer. That’s who you’re thinking of. Jeffrey Dahmer.
–6 train, 23rd St
Girl #1: I’m going to be on time for the train.
Girl #2: I’m on E!
–Northbound on 3rd Ave
Overheard by: mish
White girl: Excuse me, excuse me! God, you have a great skin. Do you tan?
Latina chick: Do I what? It’s December…
White girl: No, [sighs], I mean, do you use a spray-on or do you go to a salon? You know, a salon where you lay in a booth…
Latina chick: No. This is my skin color.
White girl: I can see that, but how did you get it that color?
Latina chick: This is the color I was born with.
White girl: Okay, but how is it so brown when you have green eyes?
Latina chick: Did you just smoke crack?
White girl: Look, it was just an innocent question. I don’t see why you have to get so personal…
Latina chick, turning on iPod: I hate everybody.
–3 train
Guy #1: Dude, I would never do heroin, that’s so whack.
Guy #2: What do you mean? It’s got, like, nine vitamins in it!
–E train, 34th St
Overheard by: Jatmos
Female suit #1: So, last night I was on this website…
Female suit #2, eagerly: Was it MySpace?
Female suit #1: No, it was Smatchy.
Female suit #2, disappointed: Oh…
Female suit #1: What’s wrong?
Female suit #2: I’ve been taking these clairvoyance classes, but I don’t think they’re working.
–L train
Black guy: I’m Jesus!
Woman: No, you’re not.
Black guy: Lady, I’m Jesus!
–A train
Overheard by: LSB
