Raise Your Hand If You're Craving a Burger Now

Hot girl #1: And he said, “I hate that bitch, I wish she'd eat an Aids burger and die!”
Hot girl #2: He said that?
Hot girl #1: Yep, that's what he says when he's hating on people: “I wish she'd eat an Aids burger and die.”
Hot girl #2: Well, at least he's saying what I'm thinking… That's like when I see an anorexic girl, I'm like, “I just wanna shove a burger down that bitch's throat.”
Hot girl #1: Oh, well, I'm not thinking that. I'm just like, “I wanna break her bones.”
(they laugh)
Hot girl #1: It's true! I'm like, “I just wanna blow gently, and watch you blow away.”

–L Train

Overheard by: Eden Twilight

Posted on February 24, 2022
Body Parts, Death, Diet/Weight, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, On the Subway, Wishes & desires

They Just Connected All the Indian Burial Grounds

Teen girl #1: So, which did they build first, the subway or the city?
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: Well, the subway looks real old, like it was built in the 1900s or something. Back then, there was no city.
Teen girl #2: Oh… Good question…

–R train

Overheard by: Alicia

Posted on February 21, 2022
Bimbettes, History & Geography, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Teens

Until I Realized It Belonged to a Saint Bernard

Frat boy #1: Dude, I grabbed six asses last night, but three of them caught me.
Frat boy #2: I only grabbed three asses, but one of them was hot!

–R train

Overheard by: not impressed

Posted on February 17, 2022
Ass, Frat Boys, On the Subway

Like When I Wrote That Novel, Of Small Rodents and Homo Sapiens

JAP #1: Oh my gawd, I have so many papers to write for school!
JAP #2: My friend is going to Parsons. She's not even that talented.
JAP #1: I'm so bad at writing papers. You know what I do? I find something someone else said. Something that I like…and then I just change the words.

–R Train

Posted on February 16, 2022
Compare/Contrast, Education, JAPs, On the Subway, School and studying, Words

Send Your Ideas to Massengill

Girl #1: Holy shit! That guy just threw a slushie at the conductor.
Girl #2: That’s like a felony, right?
Girl #1: Yeah, they should arrest that guy.
Girl #2: I can think of so many better things to do with a slushie.

–5 train

Posted on February 16, 2022
Anger Management, Food, On the Subway, People, Subway conductors

The Technicolor Yawn Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Vomiting is prohibited on this train. Please, no vomiting on this train.

–LIRR

Conductor: There are only three reasons for an empty train car. A) it smells. B) it's hot. C) someone threw up.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Laura

Gay NYU student: I've already been through the cycle. Eat, vom, feel better about life.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Conductor: There will be no vomiting on this train. Repeat. There will be no vomiting on this train. (short pause) If you have to vomit, vomit on yourself.

–LIRR, Drunk Train

Overheard by: Jason

Girl to two guy friends: Last night I was traveling back on the train, and there was, like, an airsick bag in the thing and I got a craving for Gardetto's, because the last time we were traveling… (becomes inaudible)

–Atlantic & Bond, Boerum Hill

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Boyfriend to wasted girlfriend: Baby, I swear. This is the best place in New York to throw up. (girlfriend pukes)

–MacDougal St, The Village

Overheard by: Reid Rogers

Posted on February 14, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, NYC Geography, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday's Great With One-Liners

Eight-year-old girl, singing: Fat lips, big lips, get your pregnant lips here!

–6 Train

Out-of-breath man on steps: Okay, man, breathe. Breathe like you're having your first child!

–W4 Subway

Overheard by: Keep Pushing On!

Pregnant woman on cell: So, yeah, I'm about 5 centimeters dilated, so I'm going to get a Tasti D-Lite and then go to the hospital.

–Rockefeller Center

Hot skinny, Asian girl to hot, skinny, blonde friends: So, am I going to get pregnant this month or what?

–57th & Park

Overheard by: would have liked to help her

Girl on phone: Okay, so I got the pregnancy test and the vodka. We'll see which one wins.

–6 Train

Posted on February 14, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinks, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Skinny People, Weirdness

Yesterday’s Poem About Doing Lines with Tara Reid at Bungalow 8 Was Enough Poetry for the Whole Week

Little girl, reading aloud: I went to Malibu. I was talking trash with Tom Collins.
Mom: Baby, I said I don’t want to hear your poem today!

–1 train, 137th St

Posted on February 11, 2022
About Celebrities, Books & Writing, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, U.S. Geography

On Tonight's Episode Of My Seventeen Dads…

Exasperated mother: C'mon, we're going to be late.
Hyperactive boy: No! We have to wait for daddy!
Exasperated mother: What? Your father's in Philly.
Hyperactive boy: My other daddy!
Exasperated mother: Who, Bob?
Hyperactive Boy: No, Gary!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Mommy's Been Busy

Posted on February 9, 2022
Boys, Family Ties, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Weirdness

Skynet Does Make a Convincing Case

Guy #1: Dude, they should have a phone where you just say 92454.
Guy #2: Man, they already have that.
Guy #1: Yeah, but without numbers.
Guy #2: Stupid.
Guy #1: They should also have a video phone, so you can see who you’re talking to.
Guy #2: They already have that.
Guy #1: Man, technology is good. But it’s also stupid…Technology is going to destroy us.

–1 train

Overheard by: max

Posted on February 8, 2022
Cell Phone, Guys, On the Subway, Stupidity

On the Subway