Only in New York

Wednesday One-Liners Make Digital Records Of Their Humiliation

Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Alice

Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!

–44th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: would never buy that shit

NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!

–8th & Broadway

Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)

–Union Square

Overheard by: Glad I had a map

Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.

–51 & Lexington

Overheard by: Miriam

Wednesday Sung Liners

Blonde middle aged woman, singing, to the tune of "Winter Wonderland": Walking in a Weeeeeiner Wonderland…

–Food Store, 57th St

Hobo, rummaging in trash, to tune of "Blue Suede Shoes": One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now go, cat, go. Gonna rob this town, rob this town tonight.

–79th & Broadway

Overheard by: thevineyard

am New York guy, singing loudly: Get am New York! Stay dry! Thank god you're aliiiiiiive!

–Union Square Subway Entrance

Hobo, singing while passing by shopping cart: Push, push in the bush, yeah, push it in the bush!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Gay gentleman, singing in response to another gay gentleman dancing down the street in pouring rain: He's gayer in the rain, he's gayer in the rain!

–W 23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jess

Man to Spanish guy singing "La Bamba": Shut the fuck up!

–51st St Station

We've Already Gotten a Ticket Because the Baby Isn't Walking

Wife, pushing stroller through crosswalk: Oh, wow, honey, look at that building.
Husband, quickly: This is New York, sweetheart, you gotta keep walking.

–Columbus Circle

Keith Was Hired by the Tour Company to Represent the Spirit Of the City

Man, shouting to a tour bus: Hey, you guys like New York!
Tourists, all in unison: Yeah!
Man: Well, go fuck yourself!

–Bryant Park

Stacey Got the Short End Of the Stick When It Came to Fairy Godmothers

Old lady, tapping girl on the back: Girl! Get off the curb!
Preppy JAP: Uh, excuse me?
Old lady: Do you live in New York?
Preppy JAP: Um…yeah?
Old lady: Then get off the curb, and get off your fucking cell phone!

–1 Ave & E 84th St

If Only There Was a Way to Solve Both These Problems

Guy to begging bag lady: Somebody stinks!
Begging bag lady, over her shoulder: Somebody could lose some weight!

–Uptown C Train

Who Says New Yorkers Are Unhelpful?

Tourist looking at a subway map, drawing a line with his finger: Where does this train go?
New Yorker : Exactly where you just pointed.

–B Train

Dumbledore: Me First!

(group of socialites-in-training exit cab)
Yuppie with dark round glasses: Here's your tip, cabbie.
Cabbie: Oh, great.
Yuppie: Well, fuck you very much.
Cabbie, driving off: Screw you, Harry Potter!

–Canal & Orchard St

Overheard by: Jynx

He Works for the “Authentic New York Experience” Bus Company

Punk rock kid to group of tourists (shouting): Hey tourists! Fuck you! (flips off entire bus)

–Broadway & 5th Ave

This Just In: 4 Out Of 5 Dentists Recommend New Yorkers! (Click Here For More)

(Woman #1 is trying to exit Starbucks while pushing a stroller. Woman #2 comes to her rescue and keeps the door open)
Woman #1: You aren't from New York, are you?
Woman #2: No.
Woman #1: Because you're too sweet.

–Starbucks, 114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Dan

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