Girl #1: I haven’t seen our homeless guy lately.
Girl #2: We have a homeless guy?
Girl #1: Yeah, the guy who lives on that mattress under our building.
Girl #2: Oh yeah…I hope he’s okay, I haven’t seen him all week.
Girl #1: You know you’re a New Yorker when you worry about where your homeless guy is.
–27th between 5th & Madison
Overheard by: Lauren Lerner
Guy: Hi, I need to go to Nutley, New Jersey. I know that the 192 bus goes, but–
Ticket woman: Don’t make yourself too comfortable, just ask.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: rafael
Guy: You should let her get a picture with the Naked Cowboy.
Dad: She’s only six! She’s not getting a picture with him.
Little girl: Daddy? I’m six?
–Times Square
Guy: He’s the biggest fucking asshole I ever met.
Chick: Yeah.
Guy: No, I’m serious. He’s the biggest fucking asshole in existence. The biggest–
Chick: –fucking asshole–
Guy: –I ever seen. Biggest. Biggest fucking–
Chick: –asshole. I got it.
Guy: And I gave that fucker $500 to make payments on his debt, and he doesn’t listen to word I say. And I gave his daughter something–
Chick: Herpes?
Guy: Shut the fuck up. Besides that. I gave his daughter…Hey, you gonna drink that? You throwin’ that away? You don’t throw away beer!
Chick: It’s all backwash.
Guy: Give it to me.
Chick: You’re disgusting.
Guy: Don’t fucking talk to me like that.
Chick: Or you’ll give me herpes?
Guy: Not yet. But just wait.
Chick: Don’t you dare even try to touch me. Let’s go get some smoothies.
Guy: I could use a fucking smoothie.
Chick: You’re paying.
Guy: Shut the fuck up, you fucking bitch.
–Original California Taqueria, Cobble Hill
Woman #1: He stepped on my foot!…He stepped on my foot!…Excuse me, you stepped on my foot.
Guy: Yeah, I know I did. You dropped that bottle on my foot.
Woman #2: It was an accident…
Woman #1: Don’t you see that my bag had a hole in it? It was an accident.
Guy: No, it wasn’t.
Woman #1: Oh yes, I did it deliberately.
Guy: That’s right you did.
Woman #1: Oh I’m so sorry I woke you from your precious sleep
Guy: Yeah, that’s right.
–B train
A suit on his cell accidentally bumps into a drunk girl on the LIRR platform.
Drunk girl: Why don’t you say “excuse me!” What the fuck? Just say “excuse me!”.
He ignores her and continues to talk on his cell. The drunk girl dumps a cup of water on his crotch. He doesn’t flinch.
Drunk girl: Yeah, bitch! Next time say “excuse me”, and maybe your crotch won’t be wet!
He finishes his conversation and gets on the train.
–Penn Station
Mixed guy: Getchoo elbow out my chest, man!
White man: Eh, I’m just holding onto the rail; it’s a packed train.
Mixed guy: Yeah, but why you got to be all up in my chest like that? Got you elbow in my chest!
White man: Well, does it even hurt?
Mixed guy: Yes. Why else would I even mention it? Respect my chest. Faggoty ass motherfucker. I gonna get the police all up in this shit, you motherfucking…respect my chest.
Irish guy: Shut up, yeh prick!
–1 train
Overheard by: Marguerite Carter
Promoter guy: Do you guys like comedy?
Girl #1: We hate laughter.
Girl #2: Sunshine and happiness too.
–Union Square
Old lady: They are going to strike? They should put up signs fuckers! I see you looking at me you skinny bitch, fuck you.
Conductor: The doors are closing.
Old lady: Can’t put up signs but the fucker is telling me the doors are closing.
–F train
Hobo: Don’t worry about the strike, we’ll all fly to work! Flap our wings and fly!
–14th & 7th
Guy: I was there at the strike in 1980; I remember it well. It went on for two weeks. Of course, they could never have it that long now. The population of the city has doubled since 1980.
–Bowling Green station
Overheard by: greek goddess
Conductor: Shit, I’ll get nasty right now. I’ll pull the brakes, see how they like that.
–1 train
Overheard by: Priscilla Castillo
Tween boy: So how’s the strike going?
Bus driver: If there was a strike I wouldn’t be here, you moron.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Sara’s Hot
Dude: You’re not from New York, are you?
Chick: No, I’m not.
Dude: Thought not. You’re too nice.
Chick: That’s the second time I’ve heard that today.
–82nd & Columbus
Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen
Woman: Do your gay thing and get us up ahead of this line full of teenage girls!
Queer: All right! “Girl…I need to get me a t-shirt! Move this Long Island trash outta my way!”
Teen girl: Please! Whateva Jersey!
Woman: Oh my god! She knew you were from Jersey!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: J.Mo
Guy #1: Well, to the west is Chelsea, down past 14th Street is the Village, uptown is Harlem, down past Houston is Soho; the Lower East Side is South past the Village.
Guy #2: What’s this area called?
Guy #1: I have no idea…
–15th & 2nd
Overheard by: Bucky Turco
Old tour man: This is Chelsea, where the homosexual male and homosexual female live. To the right you can spot an interesting haircut on that man. That’s called a Tommyhawk haircut.
–Gray Line bus, 14th & 7th
Overheard by: Hank Luxford
Southern woman: Excuse me, sir? We aren’t from around here but could you tell me where Times Square is?
NY Man: Yeah, it’s a bit uptown from here, you’re lookin’ for 125th street. It’ll say Harlem but don’t let it throw you off.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Carl Krickmire
Tourist guy: Excuse me, where is the subway?
NY guy: Sorry, I don’t speak English.
–Rockefeller Center
