Middle-aged man, into his cell phone: It’s an oneg-shabbat. It’s just a big dinner where everyone can meet each other and talk. It’s only a few hundred dollars for you to sponsor it. [pause] Well, it’s really not a dinner. It’s just some fruit and plates for people to pick at.
— Midtown
Guy: It seems like the first couple of seasons of the Sopranos were exciting, but the last few have been boring.
–D Train
Young Yuppie: You’re such a third-generation American Jew.
— 6th Avenue, West Village
Young Woman #1: I have to go to this “dungeon” for my Sexual Psychology class. Do you want to come?
Young Woman #2 in her mid-twenties: Is it like an S&M thing?
Young Woman #1: I don’t know. It’s like they act out different sexual
fantasies with whips and stuff.
Young Woman #2: OK, that sounds cool.
— Upper East Side
Columbia University student #1: The most marginalized group on campus are the college Republicans
Columbia University student #2: No, it’s the Christians
— Private get-together of Columbia students, East Village
Guy #1: So I’m not sure what to do.
Guy #2: If you want to know something from somebody, get them drunk.
–8th Street N/R Station
New York’s Friendliest Hobo: Your hair looks nice. MISS! YOUR HAIR LOOKS GOOD!
–Midtown
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Touchingly Humorous Bum: Yo, what are you doing in my house? You assholes! You don’t knock, you don’t wipe your feet. You’re so rude. I’m just kidding. I’m not even homeless. I don’t want to go home to my wife. She’s 380 pounds. I gotta work full time and beg in my time off just to feed the bitch.
–A Train
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Hipster: I went to a Polish beauty pageant last night in Brooklyn. It totally blew my brains apart.
–Williamsburg
A cashier hands a girl her change.
Girl: Excuse me, but can you give me another 20 dollar bill? This one looks counterfeit.
The cashier takes the bill, examines it, and puts it back in the register. He gives her another bill.
Girl: Thanks. I just didn’t want that one, you know? It didn’t have the stripe down it. It looked too new. It just didn’t look right. So don’t give it to me; just give it to the guy behind me or something.
–Bagel Maven, 7th Avenue
