Woman: He’s so horny he’d fuck a venetian blind.
–Starbucks, UES
Woman: He’s so horny he’d fuck a venetian blind.
–Starbucks, UES
Hobo: Can I have a cigarette?
Girl: Sorry, I just bummed my last one to that guy.
Guy: Dude, you just said “bum” to a bum.
–Central Park
Two girls are looking at Bibles.
Girl #1: There are so many.
Girl #2: Get a smaller one.
Girl #1: I don’t really care how big it is.
Girl #2: The small ones are cute.
Girl #1: I don’t care. I just want it to be a good story, ya know?
Girl #2: I don’t even know what I believe anymore.
–Barnes & Noble, 86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Shannon
Conductor: This is 33rd Street, please remember to take all personal belongings off with you, and let me be the first to wish you a merry Christmas!
–PATH train
Overheard by: elise n
Guy #1: Jesus Christ! Michael Stipe has a big fucking head.
Guy #2: I was thinking about walking up and talking to him, for the simple reason that I haven’t liked him for so many years.
–The Walter Reade Theater, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: El Cubano
Freezing passerby: It’s so cold! I wish they sold hot chocolate out here.
Yo-yo purveyor: Yeah… You wanna buy a yo-yo? Ah, that shit won’t keep you warm.
–Rockefeller Center
Chick: Why did you move my beverage to the floor?
Woman #1: You’re not supposed to have drinks on the train. Especially not on the seats.
College chick: It’s not going to spill. Are you a cop?
Woman #1: No, I’m a taxpayer.
Chick: So am I. I have rights, too.
Woman #1: Yeah, I’m a cop.
Woman #2: Can you be a taxpayer and a cop?
–1 train
Cum slut: I thought the spermicide would take the sperm away. But it stayed in there and just got itchy. And burns.
–Ginger, Ave. A
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Young woman: You need to get a car so you can take my kitty cat to the vet.
–Starbucks, 71st & Broadway
Overheard by: Zvi Mowshowitz
Daughter: You’re always humming that McDonalds song.
Mother: Huh?
Daughter: You know…”da da da da da I’m loooovin’ it.”
Mother: No, honey. Goldfinger. *Ba ra ba rum*
Daughter: Oh.
–Central Park
