Lady: You’re making me wet… I SAID you’re making me wet.
Man: Yes, I tend to have that effect on the ladies.
Lady: With your umbrella.
Man: I’m flattered, but it’s not that big.
–1 train
Overheard by: Sloane
Lady: You’re making me wet… I SAID you’re making me wet.
Man: Yes, I tend to have that effect on the ladies.
Lady: With your umbrella.
Man: I’m flattered, but it’s not that big.
–1 train
Overheard by: Sloane
Two male twins, dressed alike, in their 20s, address two female twins, dressed alike, in their 20s.
Male twins: Hey! Are you twins?! You twins?! That’s great! We’re twins too! Hey, we’re twins too!
Female twins: Mmmhmm.
Male twins: You ain’t twins! You lesbians! She look like she wanna get it on with you! You ain’t twins! Hey, I’m just tryin’ ‘a help ya out! You ain’t twins.
Female twins: [silence]
Male twins: I’m just tryin’ a help you out! I have your best interest in mind! You ain’t twins! Look! That one’s that one’s mother!
Female twins: We’re twins. We are the same age.
Male twins: Then how come that one so much older than the other? You ain’t twins! We twins! That’s why we so tall! We the twin towers!
Female twins flee train.
–F train
Woman: He’s so horny he’d fuck a venetian blind.
–Starbucks, UES
Hobo: Can I have a cigarette?
Girl: Sorry, I just bummed my last one to that guy.
Guy: Dude, you just said “bum” to a bum.
–Central Park
Two girls are looking at Bibles.
Girl #1: There are so many.
Girl #2: Get a smaller one.
Girl #1: I don’t really care how big it is.
Girl #2: The small ones are cute.
Girl #1: I don’t care. I just want it to be a good story, ya know?
Girl #2: I don’t even know what I believe anymore.
–Barnes & Noble, 86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Shannon
Conductor: This is 33rd Street, please remember to take all personal belongings off with you, and let me be the first to wish you a merry Christmas!
–PATH train
Overheard by: elise n
Guy #1: Jesus Christ! Michael Stipe has a big fucking head.
Guy #2: I was thinking about walking up and talking to him, for the simple reason that I haven’t liked him for so many years.
–The Walter Reade Theater, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: El Cubano
Freezing passerby: It’s so cold! I wish they sold hot chocolate out here.
Yo-yo purveyor: Yeah… You wanna buy a yo-yo? Ah, that shit won’t keep you warm.
–Rockefeller Center
Chick: Why did you move my beverage to the floor?
Woman #1: You’re not supposed to have drinks on the train. Especially not on the seats.
College chick: It’s not going to spill. Are you a cop?
Woman #1: No, I’m a taxpayer.
Chick: So am I. I have rights, too.
Woman #1: Yeah, I’m a cop.
Woman #2: Can you be a taxpayer and a cop?
–1 train
Cum slut: I thought the spermicide would take the sperm away. But it stayed in there and just got itchy. And burns.
–Ginger, Ave. A
Overheard by: Tibbie X
