Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Big-Boned

Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!

–1 train

Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!

–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: elwood

Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.

–Queens Center Mall

Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.

–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square

Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on July 19, 2006
A-List, About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Celebrities, Coney Island, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Girls, Gyms, Height, Infidelity, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Queens, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Times Square, Topics, TV, Venues

He Hasn’t Jerked Off to the Land’s End Catalog in Months

Construction worker #1: Damn, look at that piece of ass!
Construction worker #2: Those are like National Geographic boobies!

–9th & Broadway

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on July 18, 2006
Blue-collar workers, Manhattan, Private Parts, Street, The Village

She Got an A in Statistics

Guy: Yo, Katie, why do you always gotta look at me like I just looked at your ass or somethin’?
Katie: Well, because most of the time you usually are!

–Cheap Shots, 1st Ave between 9th & St.Mark’s

Overheard by:

Posted on July 13, 2006
Ass, Girls, Guys, Manhattan, Places, Private Parts, Topics, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Good Source of Protein

Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McN

Posted on July 12, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Manhattan, Moms, Parents, Penis, People, Places, Private Parts, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Topics, Women

Getting a Little on the Side

South Bronx gangster #1: Yo, damn, look at that Asian girl, son!
South Bronx gangster #2: You ever been with an Asian girl?
Gangster #1: Nah, son, you?
Gangster #2: Nah, yo, but I heard them pussies is sideways!
Gangster #1: What?! Sideways?!
Gangster #2: Yeah, son, sideways. They pussies is siiiideways!
Gangster #1: Shit, I gotta try and get with one now.

–the Bronx

Overheard by: Scullface

Posted on July 7, 2006
Asians, Body Parts, People, Private Parts, Sex, Stupidity, The Bronx, Thugs, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Explore Their Hoo-Hoo Zones

Girl on cell: Yeah, but I’ve gotta get out of these pants first. The crotch is wet and I don’t wanna get mad yeast.

— 85th & York

Overheard by: Ivan

Professor: You need to find your special place.

–Shepard Hall, City College

Girl on cell: You definitely could. You have a wider-set vagina than I do.

–65th Ave & Parsons Blvd, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Pete

Old lady on cell: Did you remove the tick from the genital area?

–5th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Utah

Posted on July 5, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Private Parts, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

It’s an Old David Copperfield Trick

Two 12 year olds knock into a business woman.

Woman: Don’t you say excuse me?
12 year old #1: Shut the fuck up, bitch, ’cause I got my balls in your mouth.
Woman: But… but…
12 year old #2: Aww, bitch, you better shut up, ’cause he’s got his balls in your mouth.

–uptown 4 train

Overheard by: DVI