Tunneldumb and Tunneldumber

Lesbian #1: The G train always takes so long between stops, especially since it’s not going in a tunnel.
Lesbian #2: But it does go through a tunnel.
Lesbian #1: Yeah, but I mean a tunnel under water.
Lesbian #2: Oh, yeah, okay, it’s not going under water.
Lesbian #1: I always wondered how they make those tunnels.
Lesbian #2: They have one of those machines, that goes in circles.
Lesbian #1: Oh, okay…
Lesbian #2: You know, the one that goes in circles really quickly?
Lesbian #1: Yeah… [Pause] But when they build the tunnel in the water, does it go in the water, or under the water?
Lesbian #2: Under the water.
Lesbian #1: Oh, right.

–G train

Posted on August 3, 2014
Idiots, Lesbians, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Science, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

The Virtue of Selfishness

Pastry Shop Worker: Is anyone willing to give up their seat for a girl that has to stand on her feet all day?
Train Riders: [SILENCE] Pastry Shop Worker: Come on, all you guys just go sit in front of your computers every day, how damn hard is that? I have to make shit for people and stand on my feet all day. You people are so selfish!

–6 Train

Posted on August 3, 2014
Blue-collar workers, Gripes, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions

Chivalry Ain’t Dead

Chick: He bumped against me. He said, “I’m sorry.” I said, “That’s OK.” I didn’t realize he was shoving me out of the way to take my seat!

–F Train

Posted on July 30, 2014
Girls, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Thievery

U.S. Judges Should Really Start Wearing Wigs

Little boy, looking at bus ad: Mommy, who is he?
Mother: That's Judge Judy.

–16th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Joe Masilotti

Posted on December 20, 2010
Kids, Moms, Public Transportation, Questions, Stuyvesant Town, Weirdness

He Rarely Wears a Turban, Babe

Scene girl: Can I call the cab this time?
Stoner boyfriend: No.
Scene girl: Why not?
Stoner boyfriend: Because every time you do, you get in and scream “is this Cash Cab?!” Bitch, you're never gonna meet Ben Bailey.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: HerDreamsWereCrushed

Posted on November 16, 2010
Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Questions, Stoners, TV

Introducing, the New Math.

Obese girl, sweetly, to even bigger boyfriend: Honey, you're taking up two seats.
Boyfriend, very earnestly: Oh! Sorry, baby!
(he condenses his mass from three seats to two)

–7 Train

Posted on November 4, 2010
Apologies, Boyfriends, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Girlfriends, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Rail

Conductor: Ladies in gentlemen, we would be moving, but there's a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hogging all the customers at 59th St.

–4 Express Train

Overheard by: Lexington

Conductor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this station, so if you are looking for anything, don't get off the train, coz it's not gonna be there.

–Downtown 4 Train

Overheard by: Donz

Conductor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave!

–7 Train

Overheard by: will it help if I put two hands up?

Conductor: Do not get on this train. It is not taking any passengers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off.

–Fordham Rd, Bronx

Overheard by: The next train isn't for an hour and I'm already late.

Conductor: Attention, passengers… You cannot use chemical solvents on the train.

–NJ Transit

Conductor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gorgeous day! Why not take advantage of one of New York City's many fine outdoor eateries. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog vendor? Hot dog vendor: "What's it going to be, buddy?" Monk: "Make me one with everything"! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an enlightened day!

–F Train

Posted on November 3, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Christianity, Conductors, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kick, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, The Bronx, Threats, Time, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Bic Commercial That Was Too Edgy, Even for Europe

Baby-voiced bag lady to pretty girl across from her: Excuse me, miss, do you have a pen?
Girl: No. I'm sorry, I don't.
Baby-voiced bag lady : A pen! A pen!
(pretty girl shakes head)
Baby-voiced bag lady : A pencil?
Girl: I'm sorry, no.
(baby-voiced bag lady pulls Bic pen crack pipe out of bag and lights it. Train car quickly empties)

–C Train

Overheard by: sarette

Posted on October 30, 2010
Bag ladies, Girls, Hard Drugs, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Strangers

One-Eyed, One-Horned Flying Wednesday One-Linereaters

Guy: …and then I'd be a cyborg.

–Soho

Overheard by: Nicole Q

Man on cell: But wouldn't that make you a vampire?

–45th St

Crazy guy, returning after briefly exiting car: I tried to make it to the end of the train, but I was blocked by a teenage werewolf. I have encountered them before, but never outside Brooklyn.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Canucking Futs

Guy on phone: In your next life, you're gonna come back as a vampire.

–Williamsburg

Dude, marveling to another on train: Damn, son, you look like Godzilla with a fade.

–Q Train

Hipster waiter: The fucking gnome took my remote control. The one thing in the world that I love. I told him, "you can take anything except the remote control." And sure enough, he took the fucking remote control.

–Restaurant, Williamsburg

Posted on October 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Guys, Hipsters, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Stupidity, Thievery, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Public Transportation