Please Remain on the Line. Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Important to Us.

Usher: I will tell you once again: do not use your cell phone! I know how to wrestle!

–Theatre

Man: What kind of faggot has a 551 number?

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a friend of mine does

Drunk Long Island girl: I don't know! I guess my phone was on lock or unlock or whatever, but my boobs must have called you!

–W 10th St

Overheard by: max

Blonde NYU ditz, looking at BlackBerry: Wait… what area code is 718? That's like really far away, right?

–Sullivan & Bleecker

Overheard by: i actually laughed at her

Conductor: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, also known as "ko, hip hip hey and away we go." When using cell phones, please, keep it quiet, 'cause no one really wants to know what you're talkin' about.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Goober

Posted on September 11, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Clerks, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Insults, Men, Names, NYC Geography, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Rack, Sorority Girls, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Drunk-Liners

Tipsy, barefoot woman, lifting skirt in broad daylight: Gotta air out my coochie!

–W 88th St

Belligerent drunk woman: I've never even heard of these fucking stops! (later) Scarsdale! I don't even know how to spell "Scarsdale"! Other than…Scarsdale. (later) What the fuck is Hartsdale? Slap me across the face with a big dick!

–Metro-North Train

Drunk girl to friends sitting on a couch left on the sidewalk: Don't sit on that couch, it's probably covered in bodily urine!

–East Village

Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor

Drunk wife to drunk husband during poker game: Don't you dare tell me about things that I don't understand!

–Poker Game, Astoria

Overheard by: NYCWATERBABY

Drunk girl: Bedford Avenue does not know how to find the clit!

–L Train

Posted on September 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Bitch-slap, Cleanliness, Couples, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Insults, Names, Nudity, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I Only Make Obscene Comments About Rector Street

Train conductor: This is Dyckman Street.
Rotten little teenager (somehow getting on loudspeaker): Dyckman Street, yo! Suck my motherfuckin' dick!
(passengers all bewildered)
Train conductor, on next stop: This is 207th Street. Sorry, that was some kid in the back of the train, not me.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile

Posted on September 9, 2014
Conductors, Directions, Insults, On the Subway, Passengers, Penis, Public Transportation, Teens

Trains and Trainables

Tourist Chick #1: There’s a subway on every corner in New York.
Tourist Chick #2: Really? Wow. How about the trains?

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: rei-ray

Posted on September 7, 2014
Girls, Idiots, Public Transportation, Questions, Starbucks, Stupidity, Tourists

What's a White Kid Go for These Days, Anyway?

Dorky little white kid: What happens if I fall in the tracks?
Dorky white dad: I guess I'd have to buy a new kid.
Dorky little white kid: That's beastin'!

–Q Train

Overheard by: that *is* beastin'

Posted on September 4, 2014
Accidents, Dads, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Shopping, White People

Making Up for Lost Time

Conductor #1: Hey, hey! We’re stopping here!
Conductor #2: No, we’re not.
Conductor #1: Yes, we are! Stop here, we’re stopping at this station!
Conductor #2: Too late. Next stop Hunters Point.

–7 train

Posted on August 27, 2014
Conductors, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Public Transportation

And Drink Every Time They Say “Safety”

Tourist kid #1 (reading MTA sign): “Be prepared. Watch the safety video on www.mta.com.”
Tourist kid #2: Ooh! Let's watch that when we get home!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Where are you from that considers that exciting?

Posted on August 22, 2014
Default, Internet, Kids, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Tourists

“Two Girls, One Envelope” Debuts on YouTube

Girl #1: So, we left the bar in a taxi and I had to go to the bathroom real bad.
Girl #2: What did you do?
Girl #1: There was an envelope in the cab, so I used it. Yes that was the time I pooped in an envelope in a taxi!

–2nd Ave Bus

Posted on August 20, 2014
Default, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, On the Bus, Poop, Public Transportation, Weirdness

She Also Needs to Emerge Victorious from Every Conversation

(waiting for a train near the last few cars)
Guy: This train looks pretty crowded.
Girl: Yeah. Good thing Jackie isn’t with us.
Guy: What do you mean?
Girl: If Jackie can’t ride in the first car, she’ll wait for the next train.
Guy: Why?
Girl: “Because you get there first!” she says. Jackie! The whole train gets there at the same time!

–Pen Station

Overheard by: GregLarry

Posted on August 17, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity

As in Religion, Everything You Do Will Be Wrong

Tourist: Where do we get the Uptown A?
Local: Right here. Down those stairs.
Tourist: But is it Uptown? The sign doesn’t say ‘Uptown’ or ‘Downtown.’
Local: You can get them both here.
Tourist: But we need Uptown. How will we know it’s there if there’s no sign?
Local: Blind faith, I guess.
Tourist: I think we should take a cab.

–Outside W 4th St subway

Posted on August 12, 2014
Directions, Public Transportation, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourism, Tourists

Public Transportation