Wednesday One-Liners Suit Up

Suit on cell: I expected pus, but it’s got little black specks in it.

–Pelham Bay Park, the Bronx

Overheard by: HelenA.Handbasket

Suit: When I said “fairy tale” I meant like Mother Goose–not Miss Dirty Martini!

–F train

Overheard by: braincurve

Suit #1 to suit #2: Oh sure, I’ve got a source. I can get you a kidney, no problem.

–Madison Square Park

Female suit on cell: I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m saying. I think you’re in a very nagging place right now.

–Duane & Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Middle-Aged suit: Boobies boobies boobies. Boobies boobies boobies…

–41st & 8th

Suit on cell: So there’s gonna be total chaos on September 14th, but that’s all we have planned so far.

–Church St

Overheard by: Dara

Suit: My goal in life is to one day sue someone.

–A train

Overheard by: LSB

Posted on February 13, 2016
Body Parts, Kink, Lawyers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, People, Places, Private Parts, Rack, Relationships, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, The Bronx, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Here’s to the Huge Fight You’re Going to Have When You Get Home

Drunk guy to entire restaurant: Everyone I want to make a toast, raise your fucking glasses. Alright — My girlfriend had an abortion, we are not having a baby!

–Silk Road Palace, 81st & Amsterdam

Posted on February 9, 2016
Manhattan, Relationships, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

You Said the Back Of Your Throat Itched!

Guy #1: Dude. Don’t hold my hand; that is so gay.
Guy #2: Ok, so I can suck your dick, but not hold your hand?

–Outside Down The Hatch, 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Romany

Posted on February 1, 2016
Assholes, BJs, Comebacks, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Queer guys, Relationships, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Never Said They Were Exclusive

Woman on cell: Well, her profile says ‘In a relationship,’ so she has no excuse to be fucking everyone else’s boyfriends!

–The Bagel House, 39th St & Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: Louie

Guy: Hey, I’ll give you my ex-girlfriend if you’ll take her.

–1st St & Ave A

Overheard by: apples

Fag hag: Anderson Cooper is so gorgeous. I want to be his boyfriend.

–1 train

Overheard by: Allisa

Ghetto babe: She kicked the shit out of three or four boyfriends. She’s not gettin’ another. What’s she gonna do? Call him up, kick the shit out of him, get herself locked up again?

–Penn Station

Girl on cell: I might break up with my boyfriend because he wants to get a monkey.

–59th & Lex

Overheard by: Matt

Bimbette: Do you think the reason I can’t get a boyfriend is because I never re-post those things on MySpace?!

–LaGuardia airport

Little girl: I don’t have a boyfriend right now. Sometimes it’s better not to be in a relationship.

–72nd St & York

Posted on January 29, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Relationships, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Is This Your Vast Feminist Conspiracy Theory Again?

Emotional suit: My shrink said I’m dragging my feet to test my wife.
Supportive suit: He could be right.
Emotional suit: No, it’s a woman.
Supportive suit: Oh no! She is manipulating your ass.

–3 Train

Overheard by: EmLo

Posted on January 18, 2016
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gender issues, Marriage, On the Subway, Psychology, Relationships, Suits, Threats

Someone Who’s Willing to Go Beyond “It’s Complicated”

NYU girl to friend: So then he like bitched me out, hardcore, in a text. And he didn’t talk to me for like a day so I was just like, “Ugh, whatever.” But then he ended our relationship on facebook! And I was just like, “Oh my god!” I need someone who’s mature, y’know?
Friend: Oh… Yeah. Totally.

–NYU

Overheard by: Clook

Posted on January 16, 2016
Breaking Up, Cell Phone, Default, Facebook, Friends, Girls, NYU, Relationships, Students

And Kicks Me When I Call Her a Stupid Hoe!

Woman: And how are things with your girlfriend, hm? What is she like?
Guy: Well… she does have a big nose.
Woman: Her nose? Why are you concerned about her nose? It's her personality that matters!
Guy: But she always hits me whenever I mention it!

–5th Ave

Overheard by: the art major

Posted on January 9, 2016
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Punch, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness, Women

No, That’s Just Where They Spend Their Saturdays

Chick: If we ever do go to Vegas, we have to see a brothel!
Queer: Isn’t that where monks live?

–Rubin Hall elevator, NYU

Posted on January 4, 2016
Elevators, Girls, NYU, Prostitution, Queer guys, Relationships, Religion, Students, The Village

Original Pitch for The Apprentice

Guy #1: Man, I am so done with her.
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: Yeah. I woke up one morning and looked at her and I knew I was done. Next contestant on my fuck show please.

–55th & 9th

Overheard by: Matt Innes

Posted on December 6, 2015
Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Relationships, TV

He’s the Greatest Beard a Gal Could Ask For

30-year-old #1: So we went out on Thursday, and he didn’t call me Friday or Saturday, which was good. Then he showed up at the party on Sunday and didn’t talk to me for the first 35 minutes. Yesterday, he left me a message telling me how nice the party was, and I haven’t called him back.
30-year-old #2: But you like him.
30-year-old #1: Yeah, I think it’s going well.

–12th & Broadway

Posted on November 30, 2015
Bimbettes, Dating, Relationships, Union Square and East Village

Relationships