When You’re Family, You’re in There

Dude: So you gonna give me some fuckin’ money? Give me some fuckin money! I don’t have two quarters to rub together; I can’t
even call my wife. Give me some fuckin’ money!
Lawyer man: I’m not going to give you any money.
Dude: Give me some fuckin’ money! You are my sister! I have no money!
Woman: I’m not giving you any money when you are acting like a criminal.
Restaurant guy: Sir, you need to calm down or I will have to call the police.
Dude: Don’t tell me what to fucking do. I just got out of Rikers Island!
Restaurant guy: Well sir, do you want to go back there? You need to leave or take the conversation outside.

–Pasta Lovers, Kew Gardens

Overheard by: Amanda

Posted on April 6, 2006
Crime and Punishment, Food, Jobs & Careers, Lawyers, Money & Class, Queens, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits, Thugs, Violence

Tom Petty Has Some Ominous Backstory

Guy #1: Someone shouldn’t be naked in your apartment if you don’t know his name.
Guy #2: Unless he’s a refugee.

–45th & 10th

Overheard by: Nick Salvato

Posted on April 6, 2006
Body Parts, Etiquette, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Real Estate, Relationships

Wednesday One-liners Eat Wedding Cake

WASP man: Yeah. I suffered in jail for 16 years with my first wife. My second wife died of cancer after 5 years. I’ve been married to this one a year and a half…Two out of three’s not bad; if this were baseball, I’d be making a mint.

–A train

Overheard by: Lia

Posted on April 5, 2006
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Etiquette, Fashion, Food, Kink, Manhattan, Marriage, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Relationships, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shopping, Stupidity, Suits, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Yuppies

SimStepson

Guy #1: Why don’t we make him escaping a bank robbery?
Guy #2: Okay, he just robbed a bank and now he’s eating lunch with his girlfriend.

–12th & University

Overheard by: reggae sarkar

Posted on April 3, 2006
Food, Manhattan, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, The Village

He Got the New Popeil

Girl: Babe, I’m gonna get my tits pierced.
Guy: And then I’ll chop them off for you.

–Loews 84th Street Theatre 6

Posted on March 30, 2006
Body Parts, Fashion, Manhattan, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence

Wednesday One-liners Love Their Mommy

Woman: Well, he should just get over it. Who doesn’t have a mother who died?

–MOMA cafeteria

Overheard by: Deborah Freeman

Posted on March 29, 2006
Arts & Letters, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Death, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Manhattan, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Poop, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex & Relationships, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Violence

Wednesday One-liners Turn It Up a Notch

Teen girl: God, you are so self-conscious sometimes I want to punch you in the face.

–A train

Overheard by: Niki

Posted on March 29, 2006
Anger Management, Asians, Brooklyn, Health and Hygiene, Kink, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Relationships, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Staten Island Ferry, Subway conductors, Teens, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Violence

Not Killing; Liberating

Girl: And he’s like, “Are you pregnant?”
Guy: Is that how straight people ask if you got laid?
Girl: No, but I’m kinda worried.
Guy: Yeah. My friends from high school got pregnant like one after the other.
Girl: Ew.
Guy: It was like abort over here, abort over there.
Girl: I’m scared.
Guy: We was killing baby fetuses every week.

–Christopher & Gay

Posted on March 28, 2006
Fast Times at New York High, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queers, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, The Village

Your Apartment Called…

Drunk guy on cell: Hello?
Lady on speaker: Larry, where are you? When are you coming home?
Drunk guy on cell: Who’s this?

–Russian Vodka Room, West 52nd Street

Posted on March 25, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity

He’s Begging for Spontaneous Combustion

Guy #1: Yo, she want me to give her a kid, son. She only 28. I’m like, you don’t need no kid when you 28. Just start in your thirties and have ’em back to back to back.
Girl: You make it sound pretty easy to have kids back to back. That’s hard on a woman.
Guy #1: And she ain’t the only one. Lots of girls want me to give them kids.
Girl: Your sperm is in high demand.
Guy #2: What do you want, man? You’re a good-looking guy.
Guy #1: I know. I’m hot. But sometimes it feels like a curse to be this hot.

–4 train

Posted on March 24, 2006
Fashion, Getting Off, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Relationships, Sex & Relationships

Relationships