Dad to four-year-old throwing tantrum: I'm gonna take off your shoes and tickle your feet.
Four-year-old boy: Then I'm gonna punch you!
Dad: Then I'm gonna throw your shoes into the street.
Four-year-old boy: Then I'm gonna…eat your…penis!
–Outside Lucali's Pizza, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Frankie
Professor: I hate that bitch so much, I will give you all As for this semester if you sabotage her class.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
Four-year-old boy to mom holding up newspaper clipping of female model: I can't use this, I hate women!
–Union Square
Overheard by: amused
Little blonde girl sitting at table with parents: I hate everyone!
–48th St & 30th Ave
Overheard by: kteezy
Loud girl to man at the counter: Hey, what are you looking at me like that for? (man at the counter shakes head) You know damn well what I am talking about…I love you too. (pause) Nawwww, just kidding…I hate your stinky ass.
–Deli, Nostrand Ave & Kings Highway
Small boy, gleefully: I hate Joe the plumber. Joe, Joe, Joe…I hate Joe.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: me too…
Mom to crying baby: Oh my god, shut the hell up!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Jay
Small boy: So abortion isn't like killing, it's like stopping?
Small boy's mother: Yes, honey…it's all very complicated, but, some people think that a baby can't be killed when it's inside the womb because it's not really a baby yet.
Small boy: So, it's not a baby till it's out?
Small boy's mother: That's right.
Small boy: And then we can kill them?
–M103 Bus
Overheard by: Lilly
Nanny to four-year-old: Please stop screaming, you are going to give me a headache!
(pause)
Four-year-old: I had a headache once!
–Upper West Side Elevator
Little boy in bathroom stall: Knock knock.
Mom in bathroom stall: Who's there?
Little boy in bathroom stall: I pooped in my pants!
–Ellen's Stardust Diner, Times Square
Lady on phone: Well, I wish I could get the fat removed from my back but we can't all get what we want, can we?
–Target
10-year-old child with mother and younger siblings: I wish I could get a diaper…
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Random smoking kid: I really wish I could smoke out of my ass.
–Lincoln Center
Girl crossing the street: I really wish something would hit me…I need some money.
–Times Square
Overheard by: 3 day tourist
Girl, after receiving gift: This is…this is so great! I'm so happy! Oh, man! I…I wish you had a little penis so I could give it a rub right now!
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Young girl: How old are you?
22 year-old girl: I'm 22.
Young girl: And you're pregnant!
22 year-old girl: No I'm not.
Young girl: Why do you have a big belly then?
22 year-old girl: Well you know, when you're my age, hormonal and stuff, you'll get fat. People will think you're pregnant when you're not, and you'll cry. So you'll eat tons of salads to make the belly disappear but it won't work and you'll be sad. That's all life's about. Don't grow up.
–A Train
Overheard by: Violette
Six-year-old girl, with mace in hand: Look, mommy! A mace! Now I can hit unicorns and make them bleed. Death to unicorns!
Mom: That's great, honey.
–8th Ave & Carroll St
Mother to yelling six-year-old son: Alright, that's it. You are not getting a gold star today.
Six-year-old son: I know, I've been bad all day!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: me too!
