Front seat passenger: … So, after I was halfway over the fence, I realized that was a bad idea.
Driver: Well, what can you do?
Front seat passenger: Really, I should have just slept in the cemetery. I should have done that.
–S76 Bus
Overheard by: Dying to ask
Cop: You can’t take pictures in the subway.
Cameraman’s friend: Why not?
Cop: It’s against the law.
Cameraman’s friend: Why is that?
Cop: Ever heard of a little thing called terrorism?
–High Street Brooklyn Bridge A/C Station
Traveller: Can you put on CBS so we can watch the basketball?
Bartender: It’s not on.
Traveller: Really? It should be…
Bartender: Yeah, it *was* on, but then that guy came on to talk. You know, that guy, what’s his name? The president?
–Bar, JFK Terminal 7
Overheard by: NCS
Guy at bar: And so I keep trying to tell my wife that sienna is not a color.
Girl passing by: Yes it is! Burnt sienna is a crayon you slanderous prick!
–Restaurant, Bleecker Street
Chick, a little buzzed: Fleetwood, crestwood, woodlawn … There’s so much wood on this train I can’t concentrate.
Boyfriend: [stares at her wide-eyed].
Chick: Oh my god, did I just say that?
Boyfriend: Yes, and at least five guys heard it.
Random guy: I’m one.
–Metro North
Overheard by: I’m two
Comedy promoter to guy carrying flower: Oh, a flower! Somebody’s getting laid tonight!
Guy carrying flower: That’s doubtful.
–Times Square
Girl: God, there’s nowhere in the Lower East Side to order wine!
Guy passerby: Turn around.
Girl: No, I mean, like, in a bar.
–Outside ‘inoteca Wine Bar, 98 Rivington
Dwarf with walking disability: Could you go upstairs and get me a glass of water?
Man: Water? To drink?
Dwarf: Yeah, to drink. What do you think I’m gonna do with it, wash my hair?
Nearby woman: You could swim in it, I guess.
–Abington Theatre Lobby
Overheard by: Chris
Tween boy, pointing at bumper sticker: Cool, Venezuela.
Guy unloading car: No, it says ‘Villanova.’
Tween: What’s that?
Guy: It’s a college.
Tween: Oh. [To himself] Is that in Venezuela?
Passerby: Yep.
–1st & 5th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Kate
Preacher woman: They say, if you see something, say something — if you see a suspicious package, say something! Well, Hell is a suspicious package!
Commuter: Since it’s about a hundred and forty degrees down here, I’d say this was Hell. Who can I speak to about it?
–2/3 station, Fulton St
Overheard by: Karen Maria
