Bartender: Stay for another round?
NYU kid: What time do you close today?
Bartender: 4 am, same as every day. I have the schedule right here. I also have the AA schedule!
–Blarney Bar
Bartender: Stay for another round?
NYU kid: What time do you close today?
Bartender: 4 am, same as every day. I have the schedule right here. I also have the AA schedule!
–Blarney Bar
Columbia chick #1: Damn, he's sexy in a right girl's island kind of way.
Columbia chick #2: Don't you mean “Rikers Island”?
–113th & Broadway
Serious hipster girl: There is a nine-out-of-ten percent chance she won't call, but there is a one percent chance she will.
–L Train
Overheard by: Kansas
Grad student: You slept with him? This is not a good data-point.
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Serious 20-something: You know pi? Like 3.14? You could shave the symbol into your pubes and you'd have hair pi.
–Coffe Bar Lounge
Student: Math chicks aren't the most glorious specimens of femininity.
–Shake Shack
Overheard by: Mary Elizabeth
Young man to friend: If you add it up, it's a lot of money. But when you do the math, it's not really that much money.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Joy
Older cousin to younger cousin: How are you going to be rich if you don't like math? Rich people are good at math. They have to count their money.
–Stuyvesant Square
Overheard by: Peanut
Girl complaining to math teacher: No, you don't understand. I can't multiply past six.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Overheard by: Austin G.
Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.
–Starbucks, 42nd & 8th
Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!
–25th St & 7th Ave
Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Lauren
Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws–baggage, Jesus, etcetera.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.
–Cooper Square
Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?
–Columbia University
History teacher: And who wrote the Declaration of Independence?
White girl: Thomas Jefferson.
Black boy: Oh, I was gonna say “George Jefferson.”
Black girl: “George Jefferson” is the name of the chicken place by your house, fool!
–LaGuardia Arts High School
Overheard by: George Jefferson
Foreign student: So how did you do on the SATs?
American student: Screw the SATs. I lost respect for America when I took the SATs. The difference between Yale and BMCC is an analogy.
–Convent Ave
Overheard by: miguel
Barnard girl, examining other girl's wrist brace: Oh, I thought it was, like, some cool Urban Outfitters…
Other girl: No!
Barnard girl: Aw, baby!
–115th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex
NYU student #1: Who is Paris Green, anyway?
NYU student #2: Didn't he manage the Yankees for a little while?
NYU student #3: That was Dallas Green.
NYU student #1: Are they related?
NYU student #3: They used to use Paris Green to kill rats.
NYU student #2: He was an exterminator?
NYU student #1: Either way, I fucked up the test.
–Starbucks, Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Big Larry
Female student #1: Yeah, I think I'd sleep with a guy just so he wouldn't kill me. It'd be pity sex.
Female student #2: That's not pity sex, that's rape!
–Columbia University Library
Overheard by: MizBehavior
Latin teacher: I don't think [Catullus] is exactly calling her a five-cent ho.
Student: Haha, he said ho!
–Packer Collegiate
Overheard by: Fred S.