Students

A Big Package of Wednesday One-Liners

Older woman, enunciating precisely: I could never understand wanting to have a penis. I know *I* never wanted one.

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Chick: Don't you feel better knowing your cock is better than fermented squid guts?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy to friend: And then it just popped out of the bag–you know, kind of like a penis pops out!

–Dunkin Donuts

Blond: But baby, the only thing that rhymes with penis is "mm mm good"!

–Restaurant, Brooklyn

Overheard by: what rhymes with vajay?

Little boy: (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis! (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis!

–Downtown N Train

Brunette NYU student: You know when like people in junior high ask you what you'd do if you had a penis for a day? I'd always say "piss in a soap dispenser."

–W 3rd b/w 6th & MacDougal

Overheard by: Alan

It Was More Like Three and a Half

NYU undergrad girl #1: No, I did not have sex with him five hours after you did!
NYU undergrad girl #2: Whatever…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Glad not still in college

…To Use One of Emily Dickinson's Lesser-Known Similes

English professor: So who here is eligible to vote but isn't?
(student raises hand)
English professor: Why aren't you voting?
Ditzy Asian girl: I dunno… I just don't know who to vote for.
English professor: But…they're so different. They're like chocolate ice cream and…gravel.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Shakti

Watch How He Explains Sex

Student: How do you vote, exactly? I've never done it before.
Professor: Well, you slide a little lever to the right. And then you slide to the left. It's kind of like the cha cha slide. Turn it out. Take it back now ya'll.

–Eugene Lang College

Let's All Take Another Bong Hit and Then Discuss This Further

NYU student, reading his writing aloud to class: “She looked as if god had stolen her face and then had thrown it back up onto an abstract expressionist painting.”
Professor: Wow. Well, that's deep.

–Cooper Square

Overheard by: not that deep

Do You Have a Headache? I Have a Headache.

Student #1: You can't be racist against midgets.
Student #2: What about a race of midgets? You know there were islands where scientists found four foot elephants.
Student #1: All elephants are four feet.

–NYU

Overheard by: Ajay

And Squatting and Concentrating

NYU boy #1: I'm getting a bowel movement just thinking about going in that club.
NYU boy #2: No, that's cuz you're drinking coffee…
NYU boy #3: Oh yeah!

–NYU Dining Hall

Overheard by: Maya G.

The “Tunnel of Love,” If You Prefer

Student: Wait. A vaginal ring is one that you wear on your hand, right?
Teacher: No, you know the vagina, the never-ending tunnel?

–Stuyvesant High School

Ask a Stupid Question…

Professor: So what do you think of when you think of “paternalism”? Anyone?
Student: “Maury”?

–City College

Overheard by: lilli

“City College” Means “You'll Get Your Tires Slashed”

NYU freshman girl #1, crossing the street: My dad always says, “No! Don't cross the street yet!” and I'm always like, “Dad, I've lived here for two months, I think I know what I'm doing!”
NYU freshman girl #2: Ha ha! But you know, cab drivers are looking out for you.
NYU freshman girl #1: Yeah, that's their job. If they hit you, they get sued.
NYU freshman girl #2: Yeah. My shirt says it all. “NYU” pretty much means “you'll get sued.”

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: EthanK

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