6th grader #1: I don't want to go to tennis, I want to stay after school today.
6th grader #2: I can't, I'm going to be out until 7.
6th grader #1: Why?
6th grader #2: I have a social life.
6th grader #1: You don't have a social life; you have a therapist!
–Trevor Day School
College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!
–Ricky's, Near Columbia
Overheard by: M
Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!
–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)
Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Blair
Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!
–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town
Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.
–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick
Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!
–33rd & 3rd
Stuck-up high school girl #1: Are you in distress?
Stuck-up high school girl #2: What does that mean?
Stuck-up high school girl #1: I think it means when you're pregnant.
–B Train
Overheard by: not too smart
Sleazy biker, taking a bottle from marathon relief table: My mother always told me I should be bottle-fed.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Uncomfortable volunteer
NYU student on cell, angrily: I was trying to show your mom a good time so I wouldn't have to stick my dick in her again!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: chris k.
Guido on cell: So you fucked the mother *and* the daughter?
–23rd & 3rd
Guy to girl: Anything over 50 is a super milf!
–Chelsea
Teen to friend: Cause I ain't no full-time mama. I'm a part-time mama.
–Church & Chambers
Middle aged hipster with ponytail and gray streaked goatee: I'm a soccer mom!
–Times Square
Older woman, enunciating precisely: I could never understand wanting to have a penis. I know *I* never wanted one.
–Hudson St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Chick: Don't you feel better knowing your cock is better than fermented squid guts?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy to friend: And then it just popped out of the bag–you know, kind of like a penis pops out!
–Dunkin Donuts
Blond: But baby, the only thing that rhymes with penis is "mm mm good"!
–Restaurant, Brooklyn
Overheard by: what rhymes with vajay?
Little boy: (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis! (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis!
–Downtown N Train
Brunette NYU student: You know when like people in junior high ask you what you'd do if you had a penis for a day? I'd always say "piss in a soap dispenser."
–W 3rd b/w 6th & MacDougal
Overheard by: Alan
NYU undergrad girl #1: No, I did not have sex with him five hours after you did!
NYU undergrad girl #2: Whatever…
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Glad not still in college
English professor: So who here is eligible to vote but isn't?
(student raises hand)
English professor: Why aren't you voting?
Ditzy Asian girl: I dunno… I just don't know who to vote for.
English professor: But…they're so different. They're like chocolate ice cream and…gravel.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Shakti
Student: How do you vote, exactly? I've never done it before.
Professor: Well, you slide a little lever to the right. And then you slide to the left. It's kind of like the cha cha slide. Turn it out. Take it back now ya'll.
–Eugene Lang College
NYU student, reading his writing aloud to class: “She looked as if god had stolen her face and then had thrown it back up onto an abstract expressionist painting.”
Professor: Wow. Well, that's deep.
–Cooper Square
Overheard by: not that deep
Student #1: You can't be racist against midgets.
Student #2: What about a race of midgets? You know there were islands where scientists found four foot elephants.
Student #1: All elephants are four feet.
–NYU
Overheard by: Ajay
