College girl to boyfriend who is hugging her and moving around: Babe! Whatever you just did, do it again! My nose finally cleared!
Boyfriend: Uh, farted?
–B Train
College girl to boyfriend who is hugging her and moving around: Babe! Whatever you just did, do it again! My nose finally cleared!
Boyfriend: Uh, farted?
–B Train
3rd grade girl: Wait, so if we're leaving early, how are we going to figure out who won the game?
Teacher: Well, how do you usually find out who won a Mets game?
3rd grade boy: Uh…call the cops?
–7 Train
Overheard by: beetlebath
American history professor: One of the Southern patriots even drafted a proposal to free several hundred slaves and form an army regiment with them in the revolution.
Student: Did it happen?
American history professor: Well he handed it in, but Washington took one look at it and was like “psssssssh, fuck no!”
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: kiss martha with that mouth?
Male student #1: I think you guys should start hanging out more, just so he can write about you in his creative writing class. You could be inspiration for his novel. Like his own Neal Cassady.
Male student #2: Who?
Male student #1: As in Dean Moriarty?
Male student #2: From Gilmore Girls?
Male student #1: From On the Road?
–Outside The Met
Overheard by: Alex
Woman to security guard: Excuse me, did you see a man with a really large package? I'm looking for a man with a large package. Did he come by yet?
–51st St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rob
LIRR worker, yelling over tracks to another who is carrying huge bolt fastener: Hey! Nice nuts!
–Woodside Station
Overheard by: Jobee
Lab instructor, showing students how to breathe carbon dioxide by blowing into the test tube through a straw: Don't blow too hard, or else the whole thing will come up all over your face.
–Biology Lab, Hunter College
Overheard by: did anyone else catch that?
Very old woman to decorative hardware salesman: It's become such a problem–I just can't seem to keep my knobs tight anymore!
–Gracious Home, 67th St & Broadway
Mother waiting for kid in the bathroom: Billy, will you stop singing and just come?
–Waiting Room, Grand Central
Student #1, looking at financial data: Oh, crap, the dollar went down again.
Student #2: Why do you care if the dollar goes down?
Student #1: Because I want to go to Canada and pay less for strippers.
–Cooper Union
Overheard by: Yasha
6th grader #1: I don't want to go to tennis, I want to stay after school today.
6th grader #2: I can't, I'm going to be out until 7.
6th grader #1: Why?
6th grader #2: I have a social life.
6th grader #1: You don't have a social life; you have a therapist!
–Trevor Day School
College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!
–Ricky's, Near Columbia
Overheard by: M
Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!
–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)
Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Blair
Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!
–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town
Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.
–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick
Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!
–33rd & 3rd
Stuck-up high school girl #1: Are you in distress?
Stuck-up high school girl #2: What does that mean?
Stuck-up high school girl #1: I think it means when you're pregnant.
–B Train
Overheard by: not too smart
Sleazy biker, taking a bottle from marathon relief table: My mother always told me I should be bottle-fed.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Uncomfortable volunteer
NYU student on cell, angrily: I was trying to show your mom a good time so I wouldn't have to stick my dick in her again!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: chris k.
Guido on cell: So you fucked the mother *and* the daughter?
–23rd & 3rd
Guy to girl: Anything over 50 is a super milf!
–Chelsea
Teen to friend: Cause I ain't no full-time mama. I'm a part-time mama.
–Church & Chambers
Middle aged hipster with ponytail and gray streaked goatee: I'm a soccer mom!
–Times Square
