Black guy: I’m Jesus!
Woman: No, you’re not.
Black guy: Lady, I’m Jesus!
–A train
Overheard by: LSB
Black guy: I’m Jesus!
Woman: No, you’re not.
Black guy: Lady, I’m Jesus!
–A train
Overheard by: LSB
Angry black lady: I’m gonna 69 that motherfucker!
Friend: What?!
Angry black lady: I mean, 68 or 67 or… I dunno. Star 67! That way the bitch won’t know it’s me callin’.
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: This is what makes New York City so great
Young thug: Don’t be talkin’ ’bout Sigmund Freud. That’s my dawg.
–W 85th & Broadway
Chick: I don’t like smooth talk. I’m too slow for it.
–2nd St & Ave B
Overheard by: apples
Business chick: We keep talking about nymphomania, but I can’t remember what we decided.
–Rite-Aid, 125th & 5th
Guido on cell: Fucking the shit out of you, lying in bed after, and talking about state capitals! Is that all I fucking am to you? That’s the fucking highlight of my life.
–3rd Ave & 85th St, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: punkee
NYU chick: My mom’s calling me — let’s stop talking about how I think she’s a lesbian.
–Grand Central
Woman on cell: We just sat around and drank wine, watched movies, and talked about art and Armenian genocide — you know, the usual.
–Key Food, Park Slope
Overheard by: The Eel
Teacher: It’s scary when you people talk out loud. Some of the dumbest things come out of your mouths.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: LSB
Chick #1 overlooking the Women’s Wheelchair finals: Are they over there playing tennis in wheelchairs?
Chick #2: Yeah, I think they are.
Chick #1: Oh, please, you know they’re pushing those chairs with their feet.
–US Open, Queens
Overheard by: Working on my backhand
Guy #1 looking at picture of Santa Claus 3: Dude, that’s Aquaman!
Guy #2: No, that’s Jack Frost.
Guy #1: No, it totally looks like Aquaman.
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t!
Guy #1: It’s gotta be him.
Guy #2: Why would Santa Claus be fighting Aquaman? Why the hell would he be fighting Aquaman?
–4th floor Hunter North, Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Guy #1: It could be worse.
Guy #2: Worse? How?
Guy #1: Newark.
Guy #2: Newark… Right. I see your point.
–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway
Teen boy: I couldn’t put it all the way in, though.
Teen girl: Ew, ew, ew.
Teen boy: I don’t know how they do that in pornos.
Teen girl: One second — are you gay?
Teen boy: Not really. Like, I’d totally do you.
Teen girl: You wish! Got Jake’s shit all over your dick. Ain’t no way.
–Smiling Pizza, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Headline by: Malingerer
Runners-Up:
· “Bi-curiousity killed the pussy” – Mojosaves
· “Have your jake and eat it too” – teensaredisgusting
· “He called ‘no homo'” – Jedipus
· “He probably couldn’t put it all the way in, because he’s not willing to come all the way out” – Ryan
· “Jake the German Shepherd was extra eager to meet his master that night.” – Adrenna
· “Methinks the lady doth protest too much” – assley
· “The Straw That Brokeback Mountain” – B
· “The shit washes off. The gay? Not so much.” – Sean
· “Then How ’bout a Dirty Sanchez?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “When the front door slams shut, sometimes the back door opens” – steve devan
· “You say tomato, I say hepatitis” – Mark Poepsel
Blond: You need to go jump off this balcony right now.
Brunette: It’s the first floor!
Blond: Good, ’cause then you’ll just break your leg. I love you, I don’t want you to die!
–80th & Amsterdam
Ladies’ man #1: So just bang her out, then.
Ladies’ man #2: After what she did to me, I don’t think I can just give that to her.
Ladies’ man #1: The man always has the upper hand — you should just bang her out and then call her the next day and be like, ‘Hey, do you have any cute friends you could hook me up with?’ You know, make her feel like shit.
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: JD
Woman: See, now we’ve missed our train.
Little girl: Well it’s not my fault, it’s yours.
Woman: Of course, just like everything else.
Little girl: Especially global warming.
–ACE subway, W 4th
