Construction worker #1: Braille really trips me out.
Construction worker #2: I know. Me, too.
Construction worker #1: Do you think they have different fonts?
–21st St & Park Ave
Construction worker #1: Braille really trips me out.
Construction worker #2: I know. Me, too.
Construction worker #1: Do you think they have different fonts?
–21st St & Park Ave
Coworker #1: I just found out what ‘queef’ means.
Coworker #2: You’re on speakerphone.
Coworker #1: Queef, queef, queef, queef.
–Midtown office
Overheard by: Ruth
Black guy: I’m Jesus!
Woman: No, you’re not.
Black guy: Lady, I’m Jesus!
–A train
Overheard by: LSB
Angry black lady: I’m gonna 69 that motherfucker!
Friend: What?!
Angry black lady: I mean, 68 or 67 or… I dunno. Star 67! That way the bitch won’t know it’s me callin’.
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: This is what makes New York City so great
Young thug: Don’t be talkin’ ’bout Sigmund Freud. That’s my dawg.
–W 85th & Broadway
Chick: I don’t like smooth talk. I’m too slow for it.
–2nd St & Ave B
Overheard by: apples
Business chick: We keep talking about nymphomania, but I can’t remember what we decided.
–Rite-Aid, 125th & 5th
Guido on cell: Fucking the shit out of you, lying in bed after, and talking about state capitals! Is that all I fucking am to you? That’s the fucking highlight of my life.
–3rd Ave & 85th St, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: punkee
NYU chick: My mom’s calling me — let’s stop talking about how I think she’s a lesbian.
–Grand Central
Woman on cell: We just sat around and drank wine, watched movies, and talked about art and Armenian genocide — you know, the usual.
–Key Food, Park Slope
Overheard by: The Eel
Teacher: It’s scary when you people talk out loud. Some of the dumbest things come out of your mouths.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: LSB
Chick #1 overlooking the Women’s Wheelchair finals: Are they over there playing tennis in wheelchairs?
Chick #2: Yeah, I think they are.
Chick #1: Oh, please, you know they’re pushing those chairs with their feet.
–US Open, Queens
Overheard by: Working on my backhand
Guy #1 looking at picture of Santa Claus 3: Dude, that’s Aquaman!
Guy #2: No, that’s Jack Frost.
Guy #1: No, it totally looks like Aquaman.
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t!
Guy #1: It’s gotta be him.
Guy #2: Why would Santa Claus be fighting Aquaman? Why the hell would he be fighting Aquaman?
–4th floor Hunter North, Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Guy #1: It could be worse.
Guy #2: Worse? How?
Guy #1: Newark.
Guy #2: Newark… Right. I see your point.
–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway
Teen boy: I couldn’t put it all the way in, though.
Teen girl: Ew, ew, ew.
Teen boy: I don’t know how they do that in pornos.
Teen girl: One second — are you gay?
Teen boy: Not really. Like, I’d totally do you.
Teen girl: You wish! Got Jake’s shit all over your dick. Ain’t no way.
–Smiling Pizza, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Headline by: Malingerer
Runners-Up:
· “Bi-curiousity killed the pussy” – Mojosaves
· “Have your jake and eat it too” – teensaredisgusting
· “He called ‘no homo'” – Jedipus
· “He probably couldn’t put it all the way in, because he’s not willing to come all the way out” – Ryan
· “Jake the German Shepherd was extra eager to meet his master that night.” – Adrenna
· “Methinks the lady doth protest too much” – assley
· “The Straw That Brokeback Mountain” – B
· “The shit washes off. The gay? Not so much.” – Sean
· “Then How ’bout a Dirty Sanchez?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “When the front door slams shut, sometimes the back door opens” – steve devan
· “You say tomato, I say hepatitis” – Mark Poepsel
Blond: You need to go jump off this balcony right now.
Brunette: It’s the first floor!
Blond: Good, ’cause then you’ll just break your leg. I love you, I don’t want you to die!
–80th & Amsterdam
