Drunk girl: Is that a bathroom I see?
Conductor: It’s out of order.
Drunk girl: Ok, I’m going in there.
Conductor: It’s out of order!
Drunk girl’s friend: I don’t think we can use that one, let’s go find a place to squat.
–LIRR
Overheard by: hbs
Drunk girl: Is that a bathroom I see?
Conductor: It’s out of order.
Drunk girl: Ok, I’m going in there.
Conductor: It’s out of order!
Drunk girl’s friend: I don’t think we can use that one, let’s go find a place to squat.
–LIRR
Overheard by: hbs
Asian guy: No, that was some pretty diarrhea. Did you see it?
Mexican guy: It was crazy, man. Wooo.
Asian guy: It was pretty diarrhea. Really.
Mexican guy: So pretty. We don’t got that shit in Mexico.
–Time-Life building lobby
Old lady #1: Oh, something is vibrating in my purse.
Old lady #2: Oooh, is it something handsome?
–New York Film Festival, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: I wiggle, not vibrate
Old woman: Did you just come from school?
Little girl: No.
Dad: We just came from the zoo.
Old woman: Oh, the zoo! Did you like it? Did you hear about that crocodile hunter? I thought that was just awful. Playing with crocodiles and all, you don’t do that, do you?
Little girl: No.
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: katie caroline
Punk: How long have you had them?
Queer with three Greyhounds: Oh different times. They all come from abusive breeders and abusive owners and we take them in.
Punk: They’re so beautiful. I’d totally abuse them.
–9th St, between 1St & A Ave
Girl: Ok, let’s name some idioms.
Guy: I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you go first.
Girl: Ok. ‘Hit the hay.’
Guy: ‘Suck the dick.’
Girl: Ummm…
–114th St & Broadway
JAP #1: Oh god, it’s so funny sometimes to start a sentence with, "But I have a brain tumor!"
JAP #2: That’s so not funny.
JAP #1: But I do have a brain tumor! See? So funny!
–2 train
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Teen girl: I’m not saying I wish I had a penis. It would just be nice to be able to pee standing up.
Teen guy: Peeing standing up is a lot like eating grapefruit… One wrong move, and you could squirt yourself in the eye.
Teen girl: Oh my god… seriously?
–Famous Original Ray’s Pizza, 7th Ave
Deli girl: So is that your girlfriend?
Guy : No, just a roommate.
Deli girl: What about that other girl you were in here with last week, the other blonde one?
Guy : Nope, just a friend.
Deli girl: And that brunette that came in with you the other day?
Guy : I’m actually gay.
Guy to roommate: Dude, did you see that? That girl is fucking stalking me, she knows every girl I come in here with. I had to tell her I was gay so she would stop with the questions.
Roommate: Why didn’t you just tell her Jess was your girlfriend?
Guy : Cuz the way she was grilling me, I would’ve had to bring Jess in here and make out with her in front of this psycho to make her believe me.
Roommate: Right, so now all you have to is bring a guy in here and make out with him.
Guy: I’m not sure the sandwiches in here are worth that.
–Deli, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Don’t think I’ll be going back there
Ghetto girl #1: Yo, I been to a lot of ghettos and shit, but I ain’t never goin’ to Compton.
Ghetto girl #2: Mhm. Word, yo.
Suit: NWA, yo. Straight outta Compton!
–6 train, Hunter College station
Overheard by: not going to compton anytime soon
